Tag: Parenting

Being a Man of Courage

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We recently showed the COURAGEOUS movie at King’s Grant, with about 230 people in attendance. I hope the men heard the intentional challenge at the end and we want to provide some practical “Next Steps” for a dad ready to make a change. A two-hour film does not bring change, only hopes and good intentions. Getting involved with other men in a small group context will help you put new principles into practice.

Honor really does begin at home. We hope you will leave inspired and challenged to live honorably and leave a lasting impact on the next generation. Maybe you connected with one of the characters in the movie because of your relationship with your dad or your own role as a parent and now you are wondering what to do next to strengthen your own family.

At King’s Grant Baptist Church, we believe in the power of God to change men and families. We want to be a resource for moms and dads and a place where families are strengthened. Here are some potential courageous next steps.

  1. Begin praying for (and with) your children.
  2. Write a letter to your own father. It may be a letter saying thanks for being a great dad or a letter offering overdue forgiveness for the ways he may have hurt you. If your father is not a believer, use the letter as a means to share Christ.
  3. Sign up for a COURAGEOUS Living small group. Our groups will begin in February; here are the dates and locations:
    1. Tuesdays at 7:30am at Denny’s, Feb. 7, 14, 21, 28, with Skip Wallace
    2. Tuesdays at 7:00pm at KGBC, Feb 7, 14, 21, 28, with Tom Vaughan and Jim Zecchini
    3. Thursdays at 7:00am at KGBC, Feb. 2, 9, 16, 23, with Scott Chafee
    4. Thursdays at 7:00pm at KGBC, Feb. 2, 9, 16, 23, with Rickey Douglas
    5. Saturdays at 8:00am at KGBC, Feb. 4, 11, 18, 25, with Scott Chafee
  4. Consider joining us for our Sunday morning worship experiences each week at 8:30 or 11:00 in order to grow in your faith, find faith or learn how to become a courageous dad. Regular Bible study happens at 9:45 each Sunday morning; there is a class for every member of the family.

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Live a Courageous Life

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The word pandemic describes a disease outbreak that is larger in scale than expected and covers a large geographical area, often crossing international borders. It is broader in scope than an epidemic and often more threatening. The influenza outbreak of 1918 claimed in excess of 20 million lives worldwide and could easily be described as pandemic.

The is a father factor in America: Studies today prove that children living without fathers are more likely to be poor and to endure significant emotional, educational, medical, and psychological problems. Similar studies reveal that more than 24 million American children currently live without their biological fathers. That statistic is in excess of 36 percent of American children, making fatherlessness a problem of pandemic proportions.

The only solution to this widespread problem is a return to biblical fatherhood: men of courage taking a powerful stand in their homes and communities to love, lead, and protect their children and thereby eliminating the problems associated with fatherlessness.

In the Courageous movie, four men recognize this need and boldly answer the call to be better fathers. While Adam Mitchell and fellow law-enforcement officers Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller consistently give their best on their job, “good enough” seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they’re quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark. They know that God desires to turn the hearts of fathers to their children, but their children are beginning to drift further and further away from them.

As is the case with these four dads, taking the principles outlined in the Bible and applying them to your life as a believer will take courage.

The Men of Steel want to pass the baton of faith to the next generation, so in 2012, we will take seriously the call to be godly husbands, fathers and leaders of our families.

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Why the Steve Jobs Biography?

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I recently discovered that Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of the Apple empire, spent a lot of time toward the end of his life allowing research for his own biography. Why you might ask? Check out this article, re-posted here:

When Steve Jobs official biography was announced, everyone wondered why the notoriously private Steve Jobs would let Walter Isaacson interview him over 40 times, let Isaacson talk to family and friends and pretty much have unprecedented access to Jobs’ entire life. Turns out Jobs had a very personal reason.

Isaacson saw him a few weeks before Jobs passed and finally asked him that very question, “Why had he been so eager, during close to 50 interviews and conversations over the course of two years, to open up so much for a book when he was usually so private?” Steve Jobs responded:

“I wanted my kids to know me,” he said. “I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did.”

With all the things Jobs did in his life, it’s nice to see his heart was in the right place at the end.

Another writer in the Daily Mail (from the UK) goes on to say that the book is ultimately a love letter to his family. He wasn’t there for his family, but now his children will be able to read all about him in this posthumous biography in order to get to know their dad.

Steve Jobs left behind over $6 billion in personal assets. That’s more money than many of us will ever see in our lifetimes combined, but none of his huge fortune will buy a relationship with his children now. Steve Jobs made choices which earned him a lot of money, but apparently he alienated his family in the process. How sad.

Can you imagine the regret you would feel if you spent your last days apologizing to your family for not being there? With all of the advanced technology, Steve Jobs never created an app that would build a relationship with his children.

This story is shared for only one reason: don’t buy into the lie that your job, hobbies, money, financial success, business, fame, pleasure or prestige are worth sacrificing your relationships with your wife and children.

Too many of us fathers make these same poor choices. Maybe your father made poor choices as well, so you are merely passing on the family tradition.

Steve Job’s position at work has already been replaced, and Apple will continue to grow and develop new products for our enjoyment and productivity, but his family lost an irreplaceable person. Don’t be that guy.

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God’s Purposes for Marriage

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In an age when many young people choose to live together rather than actually “tie the knot,” the question is always raised, “why?” What is the point of marriage? Why is marriage such a big deal?

What are God’s Purposes for Marriage?

  1. The first reason that the Bible gives for the existence of marriage is simple: Adam was lonely and needed a helper (Genesis 2:18): This is the primary purpose of marriage—fellowship, companionship, and mutual help and comfort.
  2. Another purpose of marriage is to create a stable home in which children can grow and thrive: The best marriage is between two believers (2 Corinthians 6:14) who can produce godly children (Malachi 2:13-15). BTW, this Malachi passage shows how much God cares about marriage being kept intact. A good marriage between two godly people will mean that any children they have will tend to be godly as well.
  3. Marriage also protects individuals from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:2): The world we live in is full of sexual images, innuendo, and temptation. Even if a person doesn’t pursue sexual sin, it pursues them, and it is very hard to escape it. Marriage provides a healthy place to express sexuality, without opening yourself up to the severe emotional (and many times physical) damage that is caused by casual, non-committed sexual relationships.
  4. Marriage is a vivid picture of the relationship between Christ and His church: The body of believers that make up the Church are collectively called bride of Christ. As Bridegroom, Jesus gave His life for His bride, “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26), and His selfless act provides an example for all husbands. At the Second Coming of Christ, the church will be united with the Bridegroom, the official “wedding ceremony” will take place and, with it, the eternal union of Christ and His bride will be actualized (Revelation 19:7-9; 21:1-2).

So, we see that God has a unique purpose for marriage. In the same way that Christ sacrificially gave Himself to the church, you and your mate should be willing to sacrifice your individual desires for the sake of your marriage covenant. Here is a brief summary of the purposes of marriage.

Partnership: God has given you each other as partners for life—true companionship grows when there is emotional, spiritual and physical unity. Malachi 2:14 emphasizes, “She is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”

Parenting: God’s first scriptural command was for Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, filling the earth with godly offspring. “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). Oddly enough, this is the only command of God that mankind has not disobeyed.

Pleasure: The marriage relationship and your mate are God’s special gifts to you.  God is not a cosmic kill-joy. Sex is a good thing, face it, but God has some limitations on it for two reasons:

  1. To protect us: like from disease, death, reputation and heartache.
  2. To provide the best for us: like having no thoughts of previous encounters haunting, interrupting and comparing your experiences with your wife.

True enjoyment will grow out of self-control and a servant’s heart. Proverbs 5:18 says, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

This is information I discovered from June Hunt, the founder and CEO of Hope for the Heart.

The Meaning of DAD

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There’s an old commercial when I was a kids that begged the question, “How do you spell relief?” Take-offs and jokes were a part of most every area in life. I ask today how you would spell “dad,” and what that really means:

D-Depend on God!
Start each day asking God to give you the wisdom and strength to be the best dad you can be. Never sacrifice your family on the altar of work. Yes, God is first in your life, but your family is second, and work is at best, third. This also means stop looking at your phone during dinner or e-mailing while watching TV. My daughter knows when I’m engaged and when I’m just in the room.

A-Always Love Them!
Give your kids a hug and tell them you love them each and every day. No matter what age, hug them and talk to them. Stephen is 24 now and we still hug. Don’t replace authentic love with texting and e-mails. Use your voice and use your arms to convey love. It will reassure them that they are your priority. If you don’t know the love languages of your kids, learn them so you can connect with them through the way God wired them.

D-Devote Your Time!
Kids spell love T-I-M-E, so make time to be with them. While I’m not perfect in this, find a way to give your kids the best part of your day (instead of the leftovers). I like getting up with Bethany before the day gets started, even though she is not a morning person. The hope is that she will remember that I was there each day getting her breakfast and wishing her well as she goes off to school. Don’t wait until the end of the day. It is too easy to slip into busyness and allow other things to suck your day away. Be deliberate in finding ways to give your kids your time.

I hope these reminders help strengthen your relationship with God and your kids. God gives us the gift of fatherhood (Psalm 127:3-5) and we need to fight to be the best we can be.

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The Secret of Healthy Fathers

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I always want to offer helpful ideas, stories and suggestions to help us all become better husbands and fathers. Check out this story I read about this week.

A young man once told about an unusual present he received from his father. As a young boy, he peeled back the layers of wrapping paper from a tiny box. Inside the box he found a small, hand-written note from his father. “Son,” it read, “this year I will give you 365 hours, an hour every day after dinner.”

“This simple present became the greatest gift I ever had in my life,” explained the boy as an adult. “My dad not only kept his promise, but every year he renewed it. I am the result of his time.”

One hour after dinner is all it took to change this boy’s life forever. One hour of leading, loving, and learning. It is such a simple idea, an obvious one. Time for our family is like oxygen to our bodies–there’s a minimum necessary for survival. And it takes quantity as well as quality to develop warm and caring relationships.

What can Dads do?

  1. Determine balanced priorities. Ask God to help you order your life according to his priorities.
  2. Think through your promotions. Often promotions come with a corresponding increase in workload and hours.
  3. Consider changing jobs. No job is worth sacrificing your spouse or children.
  4. Stop gift-wrapping the garbage. In other words, look beyond the attractive “wrappings” of anything that will drive you to perfection and sacrifice valuable time with your family.
  5. Slow down and live. For many of us, the pace of our lives is self-imposed. We do have a choice about what we do and the schedule we keep.

A man whose family was so infatuated with time that he could rarely enjoy a quiet moment of reflection said, “My Dad was an expert at hurrying. And he inflicted it on our family. We would hurry to go on vacation, hurry to enjoy it, and hurry to drive home, so we could hurry on to something else!”

The misuse of time might be the most pervasive enemy the healthy family has. Dads, determine to make the most of the time you have with your children.

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The Importance of Good Modeling

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I saw this today and needed to pass it on. Be warned, I consider this R-rated. I don’t condone any of the ugliness you will see here, but in order to help parents see how their behaviors and attitudes are passed down to the next generation, it is extremely important to view this.

Parent Advisory Warning: this is disturbing video, and there is a vulgar gesture in one part. But if this video disturbs you, then it has been a success. Make changes as needed.

As Christian men and parents, let’s commit ourselves to move toward kindness, love, compassion, patience, peace, forgiveness, tolerance and respect… qualities which are not present in this video. “Don’t be that guy.”

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There’s Joy in the Journey

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In Acts 21, Paul is on his way from Miletus to Jerusalem, a trip that likely took several weeks. I can imagine that Paul may have wished he could just skip the trip and end up at his destination, but then he would not have had the meaningful encounters had experienced along the way. The journey is just as important as the destination, and God travels every mile with us.

One stop along the way was in Tyre (Acts 21:3) where the ship unloaded its cargo. The missionaries looked up some disciples of Jesus and spent seven days with them (Acts 21:4). This church was planted during an earlier visit and they were a part of the great dispersion (Acts 11:19), believers being scattered away from Jerusalem with persecution. In this story we see the amazing gift of hospitality being exercised by the church, even though they were persecuted, they still had time and the courage to take people in who were in need.

I find it interesting that the Spirit had compelled Paul to go to Jerusalem (Acts 20:22) but here, Luke writes about the disciples in Tyre, “through the Spirit they urged Paul not to go” Acts 21:4). Contradiction in discerning the will of God? More than likely the Holy Spirit had burdened their hearts with an awareness of the trouble that lay ahead for Paul, therefore they concluded that he should then avoid Jerusalem. But to Paul’s credit, nothing could stop him once he was determined to follow God’s leading.

Paul’s second lengthy stop was in Caesarea where he stayed at the house of Philip (Acts 21:8, 6:5), who was a spirit-filled man, full of wisdom and also an evangelist (Acts 8:26-40). No wonder his daughters turned out the way they did (Acts 21:9). This story is similar to Timothy and his heritage (2 Timothy 1:5). Many people can point back to key individuals who shaped their faith: a youth pastors, Sunday school teacher, even a neighbor who took an interest in their spiritual life, but nothing can impact a child more than a believing parent.

These daughters were prophetesses (Acts 21:9). Paul was the first to recognize this gift in women, much to the surprise of those who believe Paul was anti-women with some of his culturally-based and church specific teachings (1 Corinthians 11:5, 6, 15, 14:34, 35, 1 Timothy 2:9, 11-12) but he was actually supportive of women in ministry. Had Paul been disapproving of Philip and his daughters, he would have said so.

The word for prophesying is propheteuo meaning “to declare truths through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, to tell forth God’s message.” It is not so much foretelling the future as forth-telling God’s message. In essence, these women were some of the first Christian speakers or preachers. God was doing something old (prophecy) in a new way (with women).

At Philip’s house Paul finds an Ezekiel-like character named Agabus (Acts 21:10), who took his own belt and bound his hands and feet as a message to Paul (Acts 21:11). He enacted a parable much like we see in Ezekiel. This must have been more convincing that just the Phoenician disciples plea (Acts 21:4) because all the people urged Paul not to go (Acts 21:12). But Paul never wavered in his resolve; even when he was urged by the disciples in Tyre, the elders of Ephesus, Luke, Timothy and others. There was weeping and expressions of grief, but this was not just crying (which is not so manly for most of us) but it is one of the strongest expressions of grief, sobbing (Acts 21:13). Paul voiced his determination not only to be bound, but to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus. I’m not sure this statement made anyone feel any better.

Application: What heritage are you passing to your children? What do you see as their calling or mission in the world (no matter what their chosen vocational goal)? Have they caught your passion for God, and His mission in the world? Are you even passionate about God, or just a believer? … Examine yourself to see where you fit on this one. Do you recognize that the journey is just as important as your destination? This life is preparation for the next. How have you prepared yourself to see God at work in the routine of your life’s journey, or to hear His voice in the midst of the all the noise we hear every day? When have you been so resolute to stand and not waiver on what you know to be true? Is God leading you toward something that may or may not make sense to others? In the everyday events of life, how can you become more aware of God’s involvement in your life? Do you have people around you who can speak truth into your life? Do you have other men who can strengthen and challenge you when you fall, or protect you when you are tempted? How can you know when God is speaking to you to do something extraordinary or when it is only a foolish impulse on your part? Remember that we all will leave a legacy, but the goal is to leave one that will make God smile and of which our children will be proud. There is joy in the journey, so become more aware of God’s presence in your life, and get involved in the lives of others.