Tag: Leadership

Connectors Create Joyful Experiences

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The Word of God is never boring; I believe it is a sin to bore a student. Boring is the one phrase that would accurately describe someone who is not connection to others. We need to develop a system of collecting quotes, stories and illustrations that add to the topic. Here are a few tips on how to be interesting:

Take Responsibility for Your Students: In the long run, there are never any bad audiences, only bad teachers or speakers. If the students are asleep, something needs to happen to wake them up. Grabbing attention is the responsibility of the teacher, not your students. You will likely quote the proverb that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink; but think about ways you can make that horse thirsty. You need to work to keep your students engaged in what’s happening. We can never have a take-it-or-leave-it mindset. That is what John Maxwell calls “cemetery communication,” lots of people out there but nobody’s listening. Our job is to create interest, activate the audience, enjoy the experience and add value to others.

  1. Charisma is what causes your students to want to hear more. Think about a conference you attended, the time goes by so quickly, interest is captivated, and you really enjoyed being there.
  2. Charisma is something you can develop; it is not a natural talent that draws people toward someone. Always ask yourself how you might better draw in your students.

Communicate in Their World: Maxwell tells a story of a traditional father balking at changing a diaper; he did not know how. Then the mom said, “Lay out the diaper in a diamond shape, put second on home plate, but the baby’s bottom on the pitcher’s mound, hook up first and third, slide home underneath. If it starts to rain, the game is not called, you start all over again.”

There are always important things in life, but people do not remember what we think is important, they remember what they think is important. There are a lot of voices out there calling for the attention of your students. If you want to make an impact, you must meet them in their world. To connect in their world, you have to link what you want to say to what other’s needs are.

This is good: if you talk at me, you’ll talk alone; if you talk to me, I’ll listen; if you talk about me, I’ll listen for hours. Always maintain authenticity when you try to meet them in their world.

Capture People’s Attention from the Start: If you don’t capture their attention from the start, they will take the remote and click you off. Always make a good first impression; you will never get a second chance to make a first impression. Here are a few ideas:

  1. Comments: about today and some current non-controversial event.
  2. Introduce yourself: if there are guests, they don’t know you and you will never connect with them.
  3. Use humor: it brings people in, but don’t make the humor a lame joke. Try it out on the kids first, unless you’re looking for a groaner.
  4. Create a sense of anticipation: you’re about to add value to their life, get excited and hopeful, they are about to learn something, ask them to tell what they learn to another person.
  5. Activate your students: It is easy to connect with someone who is highly energized and active. Are they taking notes, reading their Bible, searching for another Scripture, making eye contact, nodding in agreement?
  6. Ask questions: Don’t get too specific but ask ones where 90 percent of the students should be able to answer.
  7. Get people moving: Break the routine and get them to stretch, move around or get into smaller groups.
  8. Ask people to interact: When students become involved, it increases their energy.

Say it So it Sticks: Some quotes are remembered long after they are spoken.

  1. Give me liberty or give me death – Patrick Henry.
  2. I regret that I have but one life to give for my country – Nathan Hale.
  3. A government of the people, by the people and for the people – Abraham Lincoln.
  4. Never, never, never give up – Winston Churchill.
  5. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country – John F. Kennedy.
  6. I have a dream – Martin Luther King Jr.
  7. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall – Ronald Reagan.

Link what you say to what people need: Nothing makes a lesson more memorable than need.

Find ways to be original: There is a direct impact on predictability and impact. The more predicable they think you are, the less impact you will have on them.

  1. Use Humor: possess the ability to laugh at yourself, and let people know that you are as human as the next guy.
  2. Say Things in an Interesting Way: A catch phrase said creatively can catch on and make a connection
    1. A person must sacrifice to get to the top, or you have to give up to go up.
    2. Relationships are important to influence people, or people won’t go along with you until they can get along with you.
    3. People won’t listen until they know you care, or people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
  3. Learn to Pause: Connecting is a two-way street; a dialogue, not a monologue. Allow people time to respond and give feedback. When you are a non-stop speaker, people’s minds disengage.
  4. Be Visual: We are a part of the MTV generation, with YouTube, movies and camera phones. Add spice to your presentation by finding a video clip, magazine article or newspaper clipping that makes your point.
  5. Tell Stories: Nothing is better than a story to keep people engaged. Cold facts will rarely connect with people. People connect with stories, not statistics. Jesus was the master communicator; and he use stories to make his point. Scientists say that our brains are wired more for stories than for abstract ideas and PowerPoint slides.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors create an experience everyone enjoys.
Key Concept: Work to create the right experience for your communication setting.

Practical Steps:

  1. Strive to create a sense of intimacy with your students.
  2. Help your group to have a sense of shared accomplishment where they feel connected to you and the group.
  3. Try these principles in telling your stories:
    1. Enthusiasm: storytellers enjoy what they are doing.
    2. Animation: lively facial expressions and gestures.
    3. Group participation: involve your audience in some way; sing, clap, repeat phrases, do sign language.
    4. Spontaneity: while stories are memorized, storytellers respond freely to the listeners.
    5. No notes: storytellers employed a truly oral event; they told stories, they didn’t read them.
    6. Humor: humor can be included even in serious or sad stories.

Connectors Are Able to Keep it Simple

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There are many things that are simple to understand, but they might not be that simple to apply. It is likely a habit of knowing where you’re going and how to get your class to that point.

What’s Wrong With Simple?

Some have a tendency to use big words in a style that is dense and difficult to understand and do so to somehow sound intelligent; like a college professor syndrome. I don’t believe it; if the teacher is so knowledgeable and good, he can make it understandable. Educators can take the simple and make it complicated, while communicators take something complicated and make it simple. We are to bring clarity rather than complexity, and making things simple is a skill.

Albert Einstein said, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it enough.” That is an amazing challenge to teachers, and is likely the main reason they might decline to serve as teachers. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that “to be simple is to be great.” Remember that you don’t have to understand it all, but you need to have studies up on it more than your students.

Finding Stories and Illustrations That Will Connect to People:

  1. Humor – something that will make them laugh.
  2. Heart – something that will captivate their emotions.
  3. Hope – something that will inspire people.
  4. Help – something that will assist people in a tangible way.

Communicating Across Cultures:

As a missionary, I can appreciate this section, which I threw in just because it is funny. These are signs in English found around the world.

  1. Dry cleaners in Bangkok: Drop your trousers here for best results.
  2. Hotel brochure in Italy: This hotel is renown for its peace and solitude. In fact, people from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
  3. Hotel in Tokyo: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
  4. Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
  5. Hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am. Daily.
  6. Laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
  7. Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
  8. Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
  9. Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
  10. Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

The point is that we must say what we need to say; keep it simple, say it slowly and have a smile.

The Art of Simplicity:

  1. Talk to People, not Above Them: Daddy and son, and the boy asked why the apple is turning brown. the Dad says, “Because you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came in contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing its molecular structure and turning it into a different color.” After a while, the boy asked, “Dad, are you talking to me?” Sometimes we want to impress others more than we want to impact them.
  2. Get to the Point: A good test, if it takes you a while to get to the point, you’re in trouble. Get to the point before your listeners begin asking, “What is the point?” Euripides said, “A bad beginning makes a bad ending.” The point is that bottom-line thinkers want to know the bottom line. Ask yourself two questions:
    1. What do I want them to know?
    2. What do I want them to do?
  3. Say it Over and Over and Over and Over Again: The fundamental law of learning is repetition. People need to hear something sixteen times before they begin to believe it. When you say it one time, it’s heard; say it twice it is recognized; say it a third time it is learned. When it comes to vision, Bill Hybels said, “Vision leaks.” If people don’t buy in to your vision, they will eventually lose passion and enthusiasm for it. Dale Carnegie teaches, “Tell them what you are going to say, Say it. Then tell them what you’ve said.” Three essential words to connect with others, “brevity, levity and repetition, let me say that again…”
  4. Say it Clearly: The Queen Mary was named so by accident.  It was originally to be named Victoria. The king was told the vessel would be named after the greatest of all English Queens.” He said, My wife will be so pleased.” Not wanting to correct the king’s misunderstanding, they renamed it after his wife, Queen Mary. Cool Hand Luke has a classic line, “What we have here, is failure to communicate.” David Blair said to have an understanding to there won’t be a misunderstanding. In the end, people are not persuaded by what you say, but what they understand.
  5. Say Less: John Maxwell once said to an anxious audience that “If I don’t deliver in 30 minutes or less, you don’t have to pay me.” It is important to begin and end on time; better yet, end a little early. They will remember that you got to the point and finished, rather than circling the room for a landing and going over time. While it is good to keep is simple, no one gets extra points for being obscure or unprepared.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors do the difficult work of keeping it simple.
Key Concept: The larger the group, the simpler the communication has to be.

Practical Steps:

  1. If you are not clear in your communication, you will probably be able to see it in their facial expression.
  2. Never simply dump information on people and expect for them to sort it out.
    1. Ask for feedback.
    2. Ask what they have heard and have learned.
    3. Ask how they might pass this information on to others.
  3. Focus on the bare essentials of what you want to communicate, not all the points of the lesson; then emphasize those points and make them memorable.
  4. In teaching truth to your students, build confidence by practicing on a few friends.

Connectors Connect on Common Ground

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John Maxwell, in his book on Connecting, moves from connecting principles to connecting practices. This is the first rule of communication, the practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others would be to look for common ground. The same is true when resolving conflict with your spouse, teaching a child, closing the deal, selling a product, or communicating with your class. This may sound harsh but it’s true: it is difficult to find common ground with others when the only person you focus on is yourself.

People of different temperaments cause people to think and act differently than ourselves. Maxwell writes about different representational systems based on our five senses. For example, observe several people walking down the beach. People will experience the event differently; one feels the sun on the skin, another sees the water and the vivid colors, another hears the sound of waves lapping and gulls screeching, another smells tanning oil or funnel cakes. If we learn to pinpoint how others experience the world (and strive to experience the same world they do) communication will become more effective.

Barriers to Finding Common Ground: many people are oblivious to others around them, especially to their feelings, thoughts and values.

  1. Assumption – I already know what others know, feel and want: all miscommunication is the result of differing assumptions. Remember that all generalizations are false (including this one); once we place someone neatly in a box, it becomes more difficult to think about that person as being anything different. Assumptions usually come out of our prejudice. We then miss clues that would otherwise find and reach common ground.
  2. Arrogance – I don’t need to know what others know, feel or want: arrogant people seldom meet others on common ground. They don’t make the effort, because they believe they don’t have to. I read that 90 percent of serious controversies arise from misunderstanding, one person not knowing the facts that the other person deems important, failing to see his point of view. Archie Bunker is an example: opinionated, narrow-minded, bigoted, expected everyone to come to him on his own terms. You can’t build a relationship with everybody in the room if you don’t care about anybody in the room.
  3. Indifference – I don’t care to know what others know, feel or want: they say they found a cure for apathy, but no one showed any interest in it. They might not feel superior to others but they also don’t go out of their way to learn about them either. Perhaps because it take a lot of work. Nelson Mandela once said that “If you talk in another man’s language he understands. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.” Missionaries call this sharing the gospel in the other person’s heart language. Indifference in really a form of selfishness because we don’t take the time to discover what others know, feel or think.
  4. Control – I don’t want others to know what I know, feel or think: finding common ground is a two-way street. While you strive to discover things about your students, they need to discover things about you. Some leaders believe that by keeping people in the dark they have some measure of control. Maxwell says that secrecy spawns isolation, not success. Knowledge may be power, but leaders need collective power, which only comes through collective knowledge. Any time someone thinks information is being kept from, they feel like outsiders. I recently read about the “subordinate’s Lament” that says, “We the uninformed, working for the inaccessible, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.”

Cultivating a Common Ground Mind-set: anyone can learn to connect better because connecting is a choice.

  1. Availability – I will choose to spend time with others: common ground must be discovered, and that takes time and requires intentionality.
  2. Listening – I will listen my way to common ground: remember the “hot and cold” child’s game? We must listen to the instructions in order to locate the object. Everyday people are seeking success and purpose but they don’t know where it is. We must pay attention to others. Listening requires giving up our favorite human pastime, involvement in ourselves and our own self-interest. Students are asking, “Why should I listen to you? What’s in it for me if I let you in?”
  3. Questions – I will be interested enough in others to ask questions: the greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions. Larry King once said that he was curious about everything, and his favorite question was, “Why?” There are a couple of tricks that make conversations easier:
    1. FORM: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Message.
    2. FIRE: Family and Friends, Interests, Religious background, Exploratory questions (from CWT).
  4. Thoughtfulness – I will think of others and look for ways to thank them: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much your care. Simple acts of kindness go a long way.
  5. Openness – I will let people into my life: even the word communication comes from the Latin meaning “common.” Connection requires both parties to engage and be open.
  6. Likability – I will care about people: people like people who like them. If they don’t like you, they won’t listen to you or attend your class. Think about your own favorite teachers, I bet they were one that you liked.
  7. Humility – I will think of myself less so I can think of others more: humility is knowing and using your strength for the benefit of others, on behalf of a higher purpose. We must look out for the good of others. A humble leader can bring out the best in people. Arrogance plays up one’s strength to receive praise while humility raises up others so they can be praised. A great way to connect with others is to talk about your own flops, failures and fumbles. Some of the best ideas come out of the worst blunders. If you want to connect, don’t just talk about your successes, but also your failures. Humility comes from admitting your weaknesses, being patient with other’s weaknesses, being open to correction and pointing the spotlight on others.
  8. Adaptability – I will move from my world to theirs: sharing a meal can be a great way to do this; getting out of the comfort zone, sharing favorite food and visiting in someone’s home.

Connectors Go First:

  1. Ask, “Do I feel what you feel?” before asking, “Do you feel what I feel?” We must take people on a journey, and we cannot take them unless we start where they are. Connecting begins with feelings. If you connect on an emotional level it is easier to connect on other levels.
  2. Ask, “Do I see what you see?” before asking, “Do you see what I see?” It is not a matter of casting a vision well enough so others can see it, hoping they will then move forward. This causes us to want others to see things my way. Worse, we will assume that people already see things from our perspective. I read about a older father who looked back to when he was younger, and said he would work harder on seeing things through my children’s eyes. We often miss teaching moments because we want our kids to see things the way we see them.
  3. Ask, “Do I know what you know?” before asking, “Do you know what I know?” After years of dealing with marriage counseling, John Maxwell writes that couples’ greatest desire is to express their point of view from their perspective. They want to get the point across. Only after someone knows what the other person knows can you begin to understand how to connect.
  4. Ask, “Do I know what you want?” before asking, “Do you know what I want?” Attendance at church typically changes in cycles; winter is up, summer is down. Can we keep attendance up by giving people what they want, rather than what we want? This requires that we go beyond head knowledge to the heart. Ask of your people:
    1. What do you dream about?
    2. What do you sing about?
    3. What are you crazy about?

We are not supposed to just transmit massive chunks of information onto people; let’s invest in them.  Communication is a journey.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors Connect on Common Ground.
Key Concept: Know the reasons you and your students want to communicate and build a bridge between those reasons.

Practical Steps:

  1. You must know your reason, know your other person’s reason and find a way to connect the two.
  2. You build a bridge by asking questions, gaining feedback, asking more questions, telling stories, share emotions, and offer lessons learned.
  3. In a group you can ask, “What brought us together?” or “What goals do we have in common?”
  4. In class: validate their feelings, share that you perhaps feel the same way, tell them what you found that helped you, offer to help them find help in their lives.

Leaders Must Have Vision

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When leaders lead, they need to have a vision of what can be and should be done. John Maxwell is the modern leadership guru who has written a lot of books. In The 360 Degree Leader, Developing Your Influence from Anywhere in the Organization, he has a section on vision where he says it the key to successful navigation. The more you invest in the vision, the more it becomes your own. People respond to a vision is different ways:

  1. Some attack it: with criticism and sabotage mainly because they did not create it or even understand it, so they don’t agree to work with it.They feel unneeded to achieve it and they aren’t ready for it.
  2. Some ignore it: they do their own thing.
  3. Some abandon it: they leave the organization.
  4. Some adapt it: by finding ways to align with the vision.
  5. Some champion it: they take the leader’s vision and make it a reality.
  6. Some add value to it: the vision becomes something more than originally anticipated. It is rare but not impossible to add value to the vision.

Another Maxwell book is The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader: Become the Person People will Want to Follow, he mentions vision as quality 21. “A great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position.” Vision leads the leader, it’s that important. It sparks and fuels the fire within.

  1. Vision starts from within: you can’t borrow someone else’s vision; and you must draw on natural passions and abilities.
  2. Vision draws on your history: key events in your past are instrumental in creating vision.
  3. Vision meets other’s needs: vision is far-reaching and does more than include others, it adds value to them.
  4. Vision helps you gather resources: it is the magnet that attracts others, challenging and uniting them.

The more challenging the vision, the more winners it will attract, and the harder the participants will fight to achieve it. Check out this familiar Bible verse:

When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful. (Proverbs 29:18)

Robert Fritz wrote, “It is not what a vision is; it’s what a vision does.” It is active. Vision is the ability to see. Helen Keller was asked, “Is there anything worse than being blind?”She said, “Yes, having eyesight but no vision!”

Leaders imagine a preferred future, which is the essence of vision. Vision is the image of the compelling future God wants to create through you. Leaders can stand up and say this is where we are going.

I read about Mike Vance who tells of being at Walt Disney World soon after its completion when someone said, “It’s too bad Walt Disney didn’t live to see this.” Vance replied, “He DID see it—that’s why it’s here.”

So, what kind of vision do you have?

Myopic vision: Leaders with myopic vision are so nearsighted that they live only for today. Their vision of the future is fuzzy. They can barely see beyond their noses.

Peripheral vision: Leaders with peripheral vision are blindsided by side issues. These visionaries are hampered in moving forward because they catch the threatening images of lurking problems in the corners of their eyes. They are fearful of shadowy difficulties and people lurking on the sidelines who will defeat their efforts. These folks are easily distracted.

Tunnel vision: Leaders with tunnel vision see only what’s dead ahead of them and assume that their narrow view of reality reflects the whole world. They don’t see other people or other issues.

Panoramic vision: Leaders with panoramic vision see the big picture. They see beyond today. They see what is ahead of them. They see what is to the sides of them. They have a basic understanding of the key ingredients of a healthy organization and know the steps that it will take to get them there.

Vision is perhaps the greatest need of leadership today. How’s your vision? Without it the church or your company will be like an unbridled horse. With it the organization will be focused, moving toward the fulfillment of the dream.

The Top Three Assimilation Mistakes

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Nelson Searcy hosted and led a webinar on January 25, 2011. I’m familiar with his book called Fusion, where he outlines the assimilation process at the Journey Church in NYC. At King’s Grant we moved toward the phrase Connection Process, because my people were unfamiliar with the term “assimilation” relating to the church. I used his information and elaborated with KGBC specific information.

Quotes:

  1. “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” — Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892, Act III
  2. “Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” — James Joyce (1882-1941)
  3. “If I had my life to live over… I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.” — Nadine Stair
  4. “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” — Scott Adams, ‘The Dilbert Principle’
  5. “If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” — Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968)
  6. “All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” — Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
  7. “People say ‘no’ to what is confusing.” — Nelson Searcy

Why Avoid Mistakes?

  1. To keep people from falling through the cracks.
  2. To reach people for Christ (evangelism).
  3. To grow the church.
  4. To become a friendly church.
  5. To grow your people (discipleship).
  6. God commands it; to grow the church and grow leaders.

Mistake #1 – Poor or No Follow up with First Time Guests
They say that common sense is not common practice. Fruit is in the follow-up. There is no way to follow up if we do not gather information. Much of this webinar focused on the Fusion process.

  1. Collecting information on the Connection Card.
  2. E-mail contact – sent within 36 hours (thanks, come again, praying for you, invitation to feedback).
  3. Letter contact – received within 96 hours (hand-written, by senior pastor, on note-sized stationary, hand addressed, with first class stamp, thanks, come again, praying for you, include the gift card).
  4. Stop sending form letters.
  5. A-B-C Mail Pile Theory:
    1. C = circulars, junk mail, right to the trash.
    2. B = magazines, bills, not urgent, will set aside to review later.
    3. A = open immediately, hand written address, personal sized envelop, wow-factor.

Mistake #2 – An Under-developed Theology of Hospitality
This primarily comes when we forget how a first time guest feels arriving at an unfamiliar place. They are not familiar with where to park, where to enter the building, what to do with their children, where to locate a restroom. The first time guest needs to be directed from the street to their seat. Emphasize they need to be:

  1. Greeted properly, the law of the first seven minutes.
  2. Directed properly, like to the children’s area, the sanctuary, the rest rooms.
  3. Treated properly, with respect and thoughtfulness.
  4. Seated properly, escorted in, introduced to others.

Insiders vs. Outsiders: the church may believe they are already a friendly church, but only if you are an insider. Outsiders feel like they are coming to someone else’s family reunion.

  1. The language is unfamiliar (sanctuary, Harvest Hall, bulletin, church language).
  2. The procedures are unfamiliar (where to sit, when to stand, when to use the hymnal, what to do with the Connection Card).
  3. This leads to less salvations and spiritual growth than God intends.

The Eight Systems of a Church: assimilation effects all the other systems of the church.

  1. Evangelism: learn how to attract a crowd to worship every week.
  2. Assimilation: learn how to move people from first-time guests to membership in your church.
  3. Worship Planning: learn how to plan, implement and evaluate the weekend services at your church to bring people to Christ.
  4. Small Groups: learn how to fill and produce small groups in your church.
  5. Ministry: learn how to mobilize people for significant ministry.
  6. Stewardship: learn how to disciple extravagant givers in your church.
  7. Leadership: learn how to develop leaders at all levels of your church.
  8. Strategy: learn how to constantly evaluate and improve your church.

Hospitality in Diagram:

Mistake #3 – An Unclear Assimilation Process

The process must be written. One must be able to explain it to others. People say “no” to what is confusing. It’s not that they don’t want to visit again, or join, but that they are unsure what the next steps may be.

Guest Ratio:

  • 3:100 (three guests per 100 members) = staying even, due to attrition, deaths, people moving, people becoming dissatisfied.
  • 5:100 = able to grow.
  • 7:100 = optimal growth.

The Principle of Spiritual Readiness: God will not give us those whom we are not prepared to receive.
My preparation precedes God’s blessing. We want to receive first.
Like saying to the stove, “if you give me heat, I’ll fill you with wood.”
Like a farmer saying, “if you send me a crop, I will sow the seeds.”

The Connection Process at King’s Grant:

The spaces between the blocks are for emphasis:

  1. Return: from first time guest to second time guest (get people to come back).
  2. Relationship: from second time guest to regular attendee (get people into smaller groups).
  3. Responsibility: from regular s=attendee to fully devoted member (get people to exercise their giftedness).

Mistake #4 – the Pastor Abdicates Assimilation to Someone Else

This was the bonus mistake for making it through the full hour. The difference between abdication and delegation: Abdication is to cast off and relinquish formally, while delegation is the act of empowering another to act. The pastor cannot wash his hands of the process, buy the kit and tell a staff member to simply do it. The pastor leads this process, emphasizing the importance of the process, and by actively investing himself within the process.

  1. Searcy emphasizes the hand-written notes from the senior pastor, the one who was the teaching pastor that morning. He does the first 30 himself, and then gets a staffer with a similar penmanship to write with him.
  2. Prepare for double the guests than you expect, showing an anticipation that God is going to bring people your way. This is the principle of expectation and readiness.
  3. Grow as a leader, schedule the next seminar. Leaders and readers, find out what others are doing and adapt it to your situation, don’t spend all your time reinventing the wheel.

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Connecting Always Requires Energy

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Connecting with others always requires energy; just think of how many low-energy relationship you have. Even if they come off as low energy, they usually possess a reserve of energy that is not evident on the surface.

They Get Out of it What You Put into it: It is important to move toward people emotionally and relationally. The more you put into your lesson, the more they will get out of it. It is very important to not wait until Saturday to compose your lesson. Begin early in the week, reading the passage and contemplating the key points of the lesson. Pray about how the information you learn will translate into a life applicable lesson for your students. When you know your material, you will have greater confidence when you walk into the room, and you will have a good idea about the time it will take to share and discuss the lesson.

Remember Key Events in the Lives of your Students: It is good to have personal information about birthdays, anniversaries, family names, even school activities and schedules. Try to create new memories by spending time together and celebrating special events.

Work at Remembering Names: It seems so simple but it is imperative if your goal is knowing your students. It is also a great way to learn names, introducing them to other people. The more people they meet the more chances they have to connect with others.

You’ve Got to Bring it: John Maxwell writes about four unpardonable sins of a communicator, and it takes energy to do each of these.

  1. Being unprepared.
  2. Being uncommitted.
  3. Being uninteresting.
  4. Being uncomfortable.

Ten Tips to Becoming a Magnificent Mingler (communication coach Susan RoAne):

  1. Possess the ability to make others feel comfortable.
  2. Appear to be confident and at ease.
  3. Have the ability to laugh at themselves (not at others).
  4. Show interest in others; maintaining eye contact, self-disclose, ask questions and actively listen.
  5. Extend themselves to others; they lean into the greeting with a firm handshake and a smile.
  6. Convey a sense of energy and enthusiasm.
  7. Are well rounded, well informed and well mannered.
  8. Prepare stories of actual occurrences that are interesting, humorous and appropriate.
  9. Introduce people to each other with an infectious enthusiasm that motivates conversation between others.
  10. Convey respect and genuinely like people, which is the core of communicating.

Five Proactive Ways to Use Energy for Connecting: One does not need to be a high energy person or an extrovert to master this energy. I am officially an introvert, but I force myself to behave like an extrovert at times. The issue is how one recharges. Introverts recharge in solitude and peacefulness while extroverts draw energy from being around people.

1. Connecting Requires Initiative: It is important to go first. Wal-mart has a wonderful strategy when it comes to connecting – “Every time a person comes within ten feet of me, I will smile, look at him in the eye and greet him.” Initiative is to any relationship what a lighted match is to a candle. Those that do not connect in our classes are likely not taking a first step toward others, so it is our responsibility to go first. Maxwell says that if you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing anything for anybody. Try to find ways to help others. Grateful people are generally much easier to connect with. Initiating a conversation with someone often feels awkward. Offering to help someone risks rejection. Giving to someone can lead to misunderstanding. Those who connect go ahead and do what the rest of us never quite get around to.

2. Connecting Requires Clarity: It is imperative that we prepare.

We prepare personally by knowing ourselves. We all have weaknesses and shortcomings, but we cannot give what we do not have, we cannot teach what we do not know, we cannot share what we do not feel. If someone is prepared for the little challenges of life, we should be ready for the bigger challenges.

We prepare for our people by knowing our class. Connecting begins with people. The more you know about your people the better you will be at connecting with them.

  1. Who are they?
  2. What do they care about?
  3. Where do they come from?
  4. Why did they decide to attend the class?
  5. Why are they in the room today?
  6. What do I have that I can offer them?
  7. How do they want to feel when the class is finished?

We prepare professionally by knowing our stuff. Situations where we teach, speak or lead, we must be prepared professionally. We must know what we are talking about. As teachers, we must prepare days in advance for the lesson to come across with power.

3. Connecting Requires Patience: It is important to slow down. We live in an impatient culture and moving at the pace of others can be very exhausting. When we slow down we can move at someone else’s pace. Good connectors don’t always run the fastest, but they are able to take others with them. They are able to set aside their own agenda to include others.

4. Connecting Requires Selflessness: In life there are people who take and those who give. One’s spirit is renewed by a teacher with a giving spirit. Even if you have said something before, people receive it well when you are a giver, but they will tire quickly if you are a taker. The giver is the person who teaches out of love, grace, gratitude, compassion, and passion.

5. Connecting Requires Stamina: It is essential to recharge. Teaching can be taxing physically, mentally and emotionally. It is important to recognize and avoid the leaks that drain us. We also must be intentional about our personal renewal.

Summary:
Connecting Principle: Connecting always requires energy.
Key Concept: The larger the larger the group, the more energy it takes to connect.

Practical Steps:

  1. Before class, go to each person and introduce yourself or greet the members.
  2. Ask questions and find out information about your class members.
  3. If people are not opening up in the discussion, you might talk about their uniqueness and how it relates to the topic.
  4. Remember that preparation brings energy, and passion, which comes from conviction, brings energy.

Connecting is All About Others

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John Maxwell tells the story of traveling in South America and using a tour guide to point out various sites. It appeared the man was not too excited about showing off the wonderful ruins and landscape; perhaps he was all too familiar that he lost the wonder of such ancient history. You’ve probably heard a similar speech, perhaps even at a theme park attraction; the memorized speech. Sometimes what they have to say is much more important than the people they are hired to serve. Any questions can be an inconvenience to the guide, a situation that does not place any value on the tourists.

A Good Guide Draws Others In: Those who don’t get it will often see themselves as the center of the conversation. What they have to say is more important than those to whom they are speaking. Do we see the parallel to teachers yet? We have a message to share, but the message is not the most important part of the small group experience, it’s all about the people.

Self-centered Teachers Seem to Share a Common Philosophy: “Ram it in – jam it in, students’ heads are hollow. Cram it in – slam it in, there is more to follow.” Good teachers, leaders and speakers don’t see themselves as experts with passive audiences they need to impress. Nor do they see their interests as most important. They see themselves as guides and focus on helping others to learn.

Sometimes when we deal with people we want them to hurry up and finish telling us their problem so we can give the solution. Perhaps we are not really listening because we are consumed with formulating our response to what they are saying. I saw a cartoon that has a man talking to a co-worker in an office setting, and he says, “There is no I in TEAM, but there is an M and an E, and that spells ME.” It’s really hard to get others interested and involved when we are me focused. When a leader attempts to cast a vision, he has to be focused on others.

Zig Ziglar once said, “If you will first help people to get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” Interaction with others is essential to communication. It is best to focus on others instead of our own needs.

It’s Not About Me: Connecting is never about us, it is about the person with whom we are communicating. We must change the focus from inward to outward.

Immaturity: When we are young, we do not see the big picture, that comes with maturity. Donald Miller says immaturity is like thinking life is a movie in which you are the star. That which we do is often all about us. Maturity is the ability to see and to act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t think about someone else’s point of view.

Property Law as Viewed by a Toddler – by Michael W. Hernandez:

  1. If I like it, it’s mine.
  2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
  3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
  4. If I had it a while ago, it’s mine.
  5. If it looks like it’s mine, it’s mine.
  6. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
  7. If I can see it, it’s mine.
  8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
  9. If I need it, it’s mine.
  10. If I say it’s mine, it’s mine.
  11. If you don’t stop me from playing with it, it’s mine.
  12. If you tell me I can play with it, it’s mine.
  13. If it will upset me too much when you take it from me, it’s mine.
  14. If I can play with it better than you, it’s mine.
  15. If you are playing with it and put it down, it’s mine.
  16. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Remember that maturity does not come with age; sometimes age comes alone.

Ego: Sometimes teachers can develop an unhealthily strong ego, which is a disproportionate sense of their own self-importance. Professional speakers and pastors need to be on guard because they might be looking for compliments after the message is over; positive strokes that say I did good or to validate my performance or competence. Maxwell says that no one can connect with others with this sort of attitude.

Failure to Value Everyone: As teachers we are to make this a priority, to value those in our classes. To succeed in life, we need to learn how to work with and through others. Maxwell tells the story of a Japanese businessman who was asked the most important trade language. Expecting to hear “English,” the response came, “The language of my customer.” Having a good product or service is not enough. Knowing your product but not your customers is like having something to sell but no one to buy.

As teachers, we must speak a language that clearing communicates the message. You can also talk to others until you’re blue in the face but people know in their if your really care about them. Are you a teacher who if fully invested in your class? Do you team teach? If so, are you also in the room the weeks you don’t teach? How do your students know that you really are invested in them if you drive by one week and then are out of their world for the next few weeks?

Insecurity: This is a sure fire reason that people will spend more time on themselves than on others. Ken Blanchard has developed a model of leadership based on the greatest leader ever to walk the planet, Jesus. He says that if a leader is Edging God Out, he will lead in one of two ways. He will either lead out of pride or out of fear. Fear manifests itself as insecurity. It says, “If these people only knew that I am not really qualified or capable to lead this group or teach on this topic, they would not follow me.”

A Matter of Connection: I read about a coffee business that changed it’s focus. While many people might believe that they are in the coffee business serving people, they are really in the people business serving coffee. That’s a great image and change of perspective.

Three Questions People are Asking About You: The point is, we must be able to communicate the attitude of selflessness.

Do you care for me? Your most important life experiences likely involve those who care about you the most. Mutual concern creates connection between people. When we learn to care about others, we learn to connect with them. Connecting with others by caring for them goes beyond profession.

  1. Business: “You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is nobody.” (Les Giblin, former national salesman of the year)
  2. Politics: “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” (Abraham Lincoln)
  3. Entertainment: “Some singers want the audience to love them. I love the audience.” (Luciano Pavarotti)
  4. Ministry: “ I get a speech over with because I love people and want to help them.” (Norman Vincent Peale)

Calvin Miller says, when most people listen to others speak, they are silently thinking:

  1. I am lonely wanting a friend.
  2. I am weeping and want of laughter.
  3. I am sigh in search of consolation.
  4. I am wound in search of healing.
  5. If you want to unlock my attention, you have to convince me that you want to be my friend.

People live better when they care about one another.

Can You Help Me? There is an old saying in sales: “Nobody wants to be sold, everyone wants to be helped.” By helping others we often can help ourselves. As we lift others we receive a blessing and are then lifted up. In sales, I read that we are to focus on benefits rather than features. A feature may be irrelevant to the needs and interests of your audience. A benefit, by definition, is always relevant.

It is a difficult task to create a thirst for learning in your students. Many times we focus on the features (theology and theory) rather than the benefit (guidance in life, peace in your relationships, strength to withstand temptation, purpose and mission). People are bombarded with information and features. To get their attention you need to show you can help.

Can I Trust You? Have you ever bought a car? How was that experience? Much of the industry is designed to keep customers off balance, skeptical and suspicious. Trust is vital to life; it’s more important than love in relationships. Businesses want to create raving fans. These are customers who are loyal to the company or the brand. They recommend the store to their friends. If someone has a positive buying experience, they will even come back from out of state to someone they trust. When the members of our classes become raving fans, we have connected with them.

Summary:
Connecting Principle: Connecting is all about others.
Key Concept: Connecting begins when the other person feels valued.

Practical Steps:

  1. Be a good listener when with other people.
  2. Ask good questions to discover what they value.
  3. Discover shared values and build the relationship based on those values.
  4. Acknowledge people’s strengths and potential contribution.
  5. Invite input and allow others to lead in their area of strength.
  6. Express appreciation for others.
  7. Do something special for your people.

Connecting Increases Your Influence

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In February, King’s Grant is taking a bold step toward developing leaders and securing potential leaders. For three consecutive Wednesday evenings at 6:00, beginning February 2, I will have the opportunity to guide the student and adult leadership in the art and science of connecting with other people. As a text, I will use John Maxwell’s book called, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People do Differently.

Connecting Can Make You or Break You: People cannot succeed in life without communicating effectively. It is not just about working harder. It’s not enough to just do a great job, to be successful you need to learn how to really communicate with others.

Connecting is the Key: Good communication and leadership is all about connecting. If you connect with others, you will have stronger relationships, improved community, increased teamwork, increased influence and your effectiveness will grow.

Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.

Connecting is Critical for Leaders: The best leaders are always the best connectors. The Harvard Business Review stated that the number one criteria for advancement and promotion for professionals is the ability to communicate effectively.

Presidential historian Robert Dallek says there are five qualities that enable them to achieve things that others don’t: vision, pragmatism, consensus building, charisma and trustworthiness. Four of these are related to the ability to communicate on multiple levels.

  1. Vision is the ability to describe what they are doing.
  2. Consensus is the ability to persuade others to come along with them.
  3. Charisma is the ability to connect on a personal level.
  4. Trust is the ability to demonstrate credibility, doing what they say they will do.

The Courage to Change: Reinhold Nieburh is famous for making popular the Serenity Prayer; “God grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

  1. There are things that we can change, but often don’t know how to change.
  2. Often our coping skills are greater than our connecting skills.
  3. We need to make a difference, not just know how to make a difference.
  4. We need courage to change things rather than simply accept the status quo.

It Starts with Your Attitude: The ability to connect with others begins with understanding the value of people.

High Achievers:

  1. Care about people as well as profits.
  2. View subordinates optimistically.
  3. Seek advice from those under them.
  4. Listen well to others.

Average Achievers:

  1. Concentrate on production.
  2. Focus more on their own status.
  3. Are reluctant to seek advice from those under them.
  4. Listen only to superiors.

Low Achievers:

  1. Are preoccupied with their own security.
  2. Show a basic distrust of subordinates.
  3. Don’t seek advice.
  4. Avoid communication and rely on policy manuals.

To Be Effective, We Must Connect: We can always learn to get better at what we do, and to do this we must connect better.

Principles of Connecting:

  1. Focus on others.
  2. Expand your connecting vocabulary beyond just words.
  3. Develop your energy for connecting.
  4. Gain insight on how great communicators connected.

Practical Skills of Connection:

  1. Finding common ground.
  2. Making your communication simple.
  3. Capturing the interest of people.
  4. Inspiring people.
  5. Being authentic.

Summary:
Connecting Principle – Connecting increases your influence in every situation.
Key Concept – The smaller the group, the more important it is to connect.

Practical Steps:

  1. Talk more about other people and less about yourself.
  2. Look for ways to be of service to others.
  3. Look for ways to compliment others.
  4. Look for ways to add value to others.
  5. Don’t take credit when the group succeeds; don’t cast blame when it doesn’t.
  6. Find ways to celebrate together.

Let others know that your time with them is your highest priority that day.

Leaders Must Guard Their Integrity

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As men, we must constantly be on guard in walking with integrity. People are looking even when we think they are not. More than likely, all of us have broken some sacred trust, perhaps to our wife, kids, or close friend. It’s not easy to live up to the expectations of others, but we break trust by not living up to the standard we have set for others. Hypocrisy might be an accurate word. King David is one of my favorite men in the Bible; he was so great in the eyes of God and men, but he was also so stupid at times.

The life of King David was filled with numerous triumphs, conquests, and successes. He took down Goliath all by himself with a sling and a stone. He wrote many of the psalms from which we find comfort in our times of difficulty. He led the nation of Israel and was considered by many to be its greatest leader. But he had a darker side that was eventually exposed by the prophet Nathan. Surely the sins of David would find him out.

I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. — 2 Samuel 12:8-9

David also learned a harsh lesson about the importance of trust. While sitting on his rooftop one day (2 Samuel 11:2) when he should have been at war (2 Samuel 11:1), he saw Bathsheba bathing and sent for her. This act led to adultery, the murder of Uriah the Hittite, and a cover-up of the whole situation (2 Samuel 11:14-15). Only when the prophet Nathan confronted David about his actions did the king ask God for forgiveness (2 Samuel 12:7, 8, 9, 13). However, the Lord did not let David off easy. The child he fathered with Bathsheba died (2 Samuel 12:14), there was a constant threat of murder in his family (2 Samuel 12:11-12), and his son Absalom caused David problems until he was killed in battle (2 Samuel 18:9, 14-15).

When someone is trusted with a leadership role, they are given the opportunity to use their talents, time, and influence for causes bigger than themselves. As they make good decisions while showing integrity and concern for others, they earn trust. John Maxwell says this is like putting change in your pocket. When a man betrays that trust, it becomes difficult to regain. The leader has to pay some of their change back to the people. When someone runs out of change, trust is gone. When trust is gone, the leader ceases to be a leader.

King David’s story should serve as a reminder of the importance of trust and how quickly it can disappear. Men, allow God to mold and refine your character so that your decisions will inspire others to trust your abilities.

The Seven Laws of Teaching

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I have been reading a classic work of John Milton Gregory called The Seven Laws of Teaching. I love this definition of teaching:

Teaching, in its simplest sense, is the communication of experience. This experience may consist of facts, truths, doctrines, ideas, or ideals, or it may consist of the processes or skills of an art. It may be taught by the use of words, by signs, by objects, by actions, or by examples; but whatever the substance, the mode, or the aim of the teaching, the act itself, fundamentally considered, is always substantially the same: it is a communication of experience. It is painting in the mind of another the picture in one’s own — the shaping of the thought and understanding to the comprehension of some truth which the teacher knows and wishes to communicate. Further on we shall see that the word “communication” is used here, not in the sense of the transmission of a mental something from one person to another, but rather in the sense of helping another to reproduce the same experience and thus to make it common to the two.

Milton goes on to write about discovering the seven laws; and to communicate an experience there must be:

  1. A TEACHER — one who KNOWS the lesson or truth or art to be taught.
  2. A LEARNER — one who ATTENDS with interest to the lesson.
  3. A LANGUAGE — used as a MEDIUM between teacher and learner must be COMMON to both.
  4. A LESSON — one to be mastered, it must be explicable in the terms of truth already known by the learner (the UNKNOWN must be explained by means of the KNOWN).
  5. A Teacher’s work — TEACHING is AROUSING and USING the PUPIL’S MIND to grasp the desired thought or to master the desired art.
  6. A learner’s work — LEARNING is THINKING into one’s own UNDERSTANDING a new idea or truth or working into HABIT a new art or skill.
  7. A review work — The TEST AND PROOF of teaching done (the finishing and fastening process) must be a REVIEWING, RETHINKING, REKNOWING, REPRODUCING, and APPLYING of the material that has been taught, the knowledge and ideals and arts that have been communicated.

Each of these seven factors is distinguished from the rest by some essential characteristics; each is a distinct entity or fact of nature.

These definitions and statements are perhaps so simple and obvious that they need no proof; but their simplicity is more apparent than real. These definitions may be more clearly seen if they are stated as rules for teaching. If addressed to the teacher, these laws may read as follows:

  1. Know thoroughly and familiarly the lesson you wish to teach — teach from a full mind and a clear understanding.
  2. Gain and keep the attention and interest of the pupils upon the lesson. Do not try to teach without attention.
  3. Use words understood in the same way by the pupils and yourself — language clear and vivid to both.
  4. Begin with what is already well known to the pupil upon the subject and with what he has himself experienced — and proceed to the new material by single, easy, and natural steps, letting the known explain the unknown.
  5. Stimulate the pupil’s own mind to action. Keep his thought as much as possible ahead of your expression, placing him in the attitude of a discoverer.
  6. Require the pupil to reproduce in thought the lesson he is learning — thinking it out in its various phases and applications until he can express it in his own language.
  7. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, reproducing the old, deepening its impression with new thought, linking it with added meanings, finding new applications, correcting any false views, and completing the true.

Milton concludes his introduction by stating these laws and rules apply to the teaching of all subjects in all grades, since they are the fundamental conditions on which ideas may pass from one mind to another. They are as valid and useful for the instructor in the university as for the teacher in the elementary school, and for the teaching of a law in logic as for instruction in arithmetic.

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