Integrity – Page 5 – HeartQuest 101

Another Moral Failure?

Posted on September 10, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Over the past month, I have come across a couple of articles written by pastors reacting to a moral failure in a fellow pastor. My first reaction was disbelief. Leaving the theological and moral arguments aside, what pastor who is doing his job even has time for adultery?

I read Chuck Swindoll just this morning, regarding occupational hazards in the ministry. He warns against four “occupational hazards” that can easily bring down people who serve the public as God’s representatives… silver, sloth, self and sex.

Trace the reasons great men and women have fallen… search for the common threads in the tapestry of tragedies. You will find most often a breakdown in the realm of personal morality.
It’s important for us to remember that a moral breakdown never occurs suddenly. It comes about slowly, almost imperceptibly, like a slow leak in one of your tires. Some things are tolerated that were once not allowed. We lose the edge… we begin to slip… we shrug it off and smile instead of facing the truth. Time passes. By and by, sneaky acts of disobedience slip in, but because they are hidden and rationalized, we deny how far we’ve drifted.

It’s a slow fade into darkness. None of us would have this destination on our itinerary. Swindoll continues:

Some time back I came across an excellent list of questions a small group of men regularly asked one another. Read the questions slowly. I think you’ll agree that they are on target.
Have you been with a person of the opposite sex this week in an inappropriate way?
Have you been completely above reproach in all your financial dealings this week?
Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material this week?
Have you spent time daily in prayer and in the Scriptures this week?
Have you fulfilled the mandate of your calling this week?
Have you taken time off to be with your family this week?
Have you just lied to me?
Before you pass over it too quickly, answer each one for yourself. If you do it often, it will help you avoid the four pitfalls. All of them are addressed in those questions.

Men of Steel, the statistics are against us; in America…

Ten out of ten of us are struggling with how to balance work and family.
Nine will have children that will leave the church.
Five will have a serious problem with pornography.
Four will get divorced; affecting over one million children.
Only one has a biblical worldview.

We are in a battle for our souls, for our marriages, for our purity, for our children, for our integrity, for our witness in the world. Don’t let the enemy have a foothold in your life and don’t give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:27). Don’t allow Psalm 69:2 to become a reality in your life.

My Sunday Bible study lesson from this past week was about David and how he walked down the pathway of heartache with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). So on Saturday, let’s discuss where David went wrong.

He was not where he was expected to be – 2 Samuel 11:1 (he was at home rather than in battle)
He put himself in a vulnerable position – 2 Samuel 11:2 (he got up from his bed, opening himself to boredom and temptation).
He failed to protect himself with a network of accountability – 2 Samuel 11:1, 4 (answering to no one; he grew accustomed to wanting and getting).
He was lonely and made a plan, rather than falling into sin.
- Sinned in thought – 2 Samuel 11:2
- Sinned in word – 2 Samuel 11:3
- Sinned in deed – 2 Samuel 11:4
Could Bathsheba have prevented this from happening? This is a moot point to a man who is out of control.

I look forward to seeing you all on Saturday at 7:30 in the Welcome Center, and then several of us are going to the Game Plan for Life with Joes Gibbs, randy Alcorn, Tony Evans and Ravi Zacharias, leaving at 8:30.

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How to Guide Your Destiny

Posted on May 26, 2009 by Scott Chafee

When I taught at Hargrave Military Academy, I remember the chaplain had a great saying regarding character and destiny (a quote from Frank Outlaw):

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

These are not only wise words for developing strong character and leadership in young men and women, but also for anyone desiring to make a difference in business, school, marriage, and life.

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The Urgency of God's Purpose

Posted on April 20, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Here’s a great verse… Time after time I sent you prophets, who told you, “Turn from your wicked ways, and start doing things right. Stop worshiping other gods so that you might live in peace here in the land I have given to you and your ancestors.” But you would not listen to me or obey me. – Jeremiah 35:15.

I remember an illustration from back in college, which came from a little booklet called, Tyranny of the Urgent. The point was that in life there are many urgent things that come up. We can spend our entire lives stamping out fires, dealing with those things that are most urgent. Then at the end of the day we wonder what we have done with our time. We must look at the important items in life and take care of those things, because no one else will do it for us. Spirital growth is just one of those important things. God will wrestle with us because it’s important. Part of spiritual growth is getting rid of sin that has enslaved us.

There is urgency in God’s call for us to repent of our sin and to return to Him, as well as persistence when God wrestles with us. Other people will tell us what they think, but they will eventually abandon us. God doesn’t give up. He wrestles with us until the end and isn’t distracted from His purpose.

I wonder if there is an appointed time for each of us, where the wrestling match in life would finally come to an end. God wrestled with Jacob “until the breaking of the day” (Genesis 32:24). God wrestled with urgency, with insistency, with greater and greater strength. He knew that if Jacob didn’t confront who he was in that night, he was going to miss the prime opportunity to become who he was created to be. Each of us may be running out of time, too.

God’s urgency must not be ignored. He knows something about our lives that we don’t know. He knows when the enemy is coming after us. He knows our areas of weakness. He knows when Jesus is coming again, and when it will be too late.

Return to Him …

Before you lose your life …
Before you lose your integrity …
Before you lose your wife …
Before you lose your son or daughter …
Before you lose what God has given to you …

God’s urgency is for a purpose. Don’t ignore Him.

We don’t have time to fool around.
We don’t have time for detours.
We don’t have time for childish things.
We don’t have time for rebellion.
We don’t have time to play games.
We don’t have time for an affair.
We don’t have time for meetings and committees that really aren’t important.

Look at your watch right now and say to yourself, “NOW is the appointed time for me to serve God so that I might live in peace here in the land He have given to me!”

I hope to see you all at the Welcome Center on Saturday, April 25.

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Imitating Jesus

Posted on April 15, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Authenticity. That is what will convince a lost and dying world that a relationship with Jesus is real. How many times has the professing Christian community continued to live like the world, and that action has cause someone to reject the message of Christ? Perhaps they say, “If YOU can’t live it, why should I even consider it?”

No one is perfect, so it’s not an issue of never making another mistake, but do you wake up each morning with the goal of becoming more like Jesus in your actions, thought life, relationships, business dealings, or is He the farthest thing from your mind (until you get into a jam and cry out for help)?

The Bible has many verses that call for followers of Jesus to actually become imitators of Him. It’s a tall task, but that is what discipleship is all about. Sanctification (being set apart and becoming a little more like Jesus each and every day) is the will of God (1 Thessalonians 4:3a).

Only a believer can imitate Christ, or else it is a sham. But we are not left to ourselves to get it done. The believer has the power of the Holy Spirit so that we can imitate Christ.

Here are some biblical commands to imitate Christ:

Every Christian is predestined and called to become like Jesus – Romans 8:29-30
Every Christian is being transformed into the likeness of Christ – 2 Corinthians 3:18, Colossians 3:9-10, Ephesians 4:22-24
Every Christian is to walk (live the life) as Jesus did – 1 John 2:6
Jesus calls every Christian to imitate and become like Him – John 13:2-11 (He modeled behavior and then told us to do the same – John 13:12-15
Paul says to imitate Christ to be a blessing to others – Romans 15:1-3, Ephesians 5:1-2
When someone wrongs us, Christians imitate Jesus by not retaliating – 1 Peter 2:20-21
Paul imitated Jesus so that he could be a good example for other Christians – 1 Corinthians 11:1
Thessalonian Christians became imitators and models for the sake of others, by imitating Jesus and the disciples – 1 Thessalonians 1:6-7
Christ-like obedience is the way to enjoy divine love and joy – John 15:9-11
The hope and certainty of one day seeing Jesus and being conformed into His image should motivate us to seek purity, as He is pure – 1 John 3:2-3
The risen Savior lives for God, we ought to do the same – Romans 6:10-12

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How to Build and Maintain Integrity

Posted on March 26, 2009 by Scott Chafee

This week I was thinking about Craig’s comments about the honor code at the medical college and it made me consider the quality of integrity. People always talk about it but we can’t always get a handle on just what it is. John Maxwell has some wise words on the topic:

Integrity is important in building relationships: It is the foundation upon which success is built, along with respect, dignity and trust. If integrity is weak, success is impossible. I believe integrity is about the small things, often when no one is watching. Sort of like king David talking about the kind of shepherd he was when no one was looking (1 Samuel 17:34-37). We would not even have this story had David not revealed it! He was alone, and his true character was shining. It might have been too easy to say, “It’s only one sheep, why risk my life over one stinkin’ sheep?” David had integrity.

Consider these thoughts on integrity:

Integrity is not determined by circumstance: like your household or your upbringing. Circumstances are as responsible for your character as a mirror is for your looks… who you see only reflects who you are.
Integrity is not based on credentials: some people want to be judged not on who they really are but on some status they have achieved. These guys want to lead out of their credentials rather than the strength of their character. No title, degree, award or license can be a substitute for one’s character.
Integrity is not to be confused with reputation: Solomon once said that a good name is more desirable than great riches (Proverbs 22:1). D. L Moody once said that if I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself. We will struggle with maintaining our integrity if we do all the right things from the outside (without a changed inner strength).

Questions to help measure your integrity:

How well do I treat people if I gain nothing?
Am I transparent to others?
Do I role-play based on the person I’m with?
Am I the same person in the spotlight as I am when I’m alone?
Do I quickly admit to wrongdoing without being forced to do so?
Do I put people ahead of my personal agenda?
Do I have an unchanging standard for moral decisions, or do circumstances determine my choices?
Do I make difficult decisions, even when they have a personal cost attached to them?
When I have something to say about people, do I talk to them or about them?
Am I accountable to at least one other person for what I think, say or do?

Do what you should before you do what you want: Zig Ziglar once said, “When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them.” If you know what you stand for and act accordingly, people will trust you! Great advice from a visionary leader.

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God Wrestles with You… Alone

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Scott Chafee

The Men of Steel looked into this topic; how often do we wrestle with God?

I am still fascinated and challenged by the wrestling match between God and Jacob, the father of the twelve sons of Israel (Genesis 32:22-28).

I feel that God encounters men in a lonely place where He can deal with us personally. He wants to be alone with us, rather than in the context of cliques and clubs that can keep us from hearing Him at all. When God gets a man to the point of dealing with the deep issues of life, He does so one-on-one. It’s just you and God.

Ask yourself, “Who are you really?” When nobody’s looking … when you aren’t “prepared,” when all the camouflage has been removed, when you don’t have an ego to defend or anything to prove, when you aren’t concerned about your status? Who are you?

When God is ready to do open-heart surgery, He brings you to an “alone” place. Nobody invites a guest into an operating room, and neither does God. His work on you will be done in private.

When God begins to move in your life, you may feel very uncomfortable. I believe the first response of any man at that time is to surround themselves with more people. We feel restless, frustrated, and lonely in our spirits. We feel a greater need to have somebody with us, to protect us, shield us, walk with us, and encourage us. We will soon discover that the presence of other people doesn’t meet the deep longing we have. The loneliness and restlessness we feel in our spirits is God’s call on our lives. He is reeling us in for our one-on-one encounter with Him.

You can be surrounded by people … and still be alone.
You can have sex with your wife … and still be alone.
You can have dozens of close friends … and still be alone.
You can have hundreds of friends on Facebook … and still be alone.

It’s like we finally admit that we are lonely and need something that other people can’t provide, and then we discover we need Someone to fill a part of us that nobody else seems to be able to fill—that’s when God steps in.

I suppose that when we feel alone, it means that somebody we thought we could count on for protection has disappeared. We feel isolated, separated, and alone. When we feel left alone, our hope is usually that someone will come along and comfort us. In fact, we expect that “comfort” is what a loving God would do to a man who is left alone. But God says that He is not coming to comfort us, but to confront us. God came to challenge Jacob, and to wrestle with him (Genesis 32:24). Jacob’s first reaction was, no doubt, “Oh, no, not You too!”

Everybody is wrestling me.
My wife is wrestling with me.
My children are wrestling with me.
My boss is wrestling with me.
My creditors are wrestling with me.
My co-workers are wrestling with me.
My church is wrestling with me.
My own mind is a wrestling match.
And now, You, too, God?

The Bible says that the wounds of a friend are faithful (Proverbs 27:6). A true friend is one who “wounds” you for a good reason. What he says may hurt you, but in the end, it helps you. What he does may seem painful to you, but in the end, you’ll thank him for doing it because it was for your own good.

A good friend doesn’t agree with you all the time. No matter how brutally you object, a good friend will stand right up in your face and say “You’re still wrong.”

You don’t have real help until you have someone who will confront you about what needs to be changed in your life. That’s why I feel strongly about Men of Steel. We each need other men to stand up to us, and to force us to face our sin, to confront us about our lies, to make us uncomfortable about our bad habits, to move us away from mediocrity, to challenge us toward excellence. I value your participation each Saturday! I pray that each of us will find another man in whom we can invest our lives, and that someone else will seek to invest their life in us.

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How Can I Encourage Others?

Posted on March 5, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Believing in people before they have proved themselves is the key to motivating people to reach their potential. Everyone loves encouragement; to have others believe the best about you and your abilities.

Here are four facts about having faith in another person:

Most people don’t have faith in themselves. Many believe they will fail; the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. With even a little faith, anyone can do remarkable things.
Most people don’t have someone who has faith in them. People today are isolated; they don’t get support at home or from their boss. Ninety percent of inmates where told they will never amount to anything and will end up in jail. Even those closest to them do not believe in them.
Most people can tell when someone else has faith in them. Our goal should not be to get people to think more highly of us, but to get others to think more highly of themselves. People can tell when we genuinely trust and believe in another person.
Most people will do anything to live up to your faith in them. People will rise or fall to the level of expectation you set for them. If you express skepticism and doubt, they will return your lack of confidence with mediocrity. People thrive around those who have confidence in them.

How can you become a believer in people? We must believe in them and express that belief!

Believe in them before they succeed. Everyone loves a winner, so it’s tough to believe in someone before they have proven themselves. Every person has seeds of greatness within them, so when you believe in someone you allow those seeds to grow.
Emphasize their strengths. Leaders don’t have to exercise their authority and point out the deficiencies of others. Motivate others to see their potential and to focus on their strengths. Give others the power to succeed. Praise them publicly and privately for a job well done.
List their past successes. Knowing their strengths may not be enough, so listing past successes reminds them of their potential. King David looked back on his successes and had confidence in the future (1 Samuel 17:33-37).
Instill confidence when they fail. When people fail they have two choices: give in or go on. Some people are resilient and can get going, others are not that determined. Give them a push and inspire confidence. We can share our own failures to build their confidence, too. Success is a journey, not a destination. Babe Ruth said that we should never let the fear of striking out get in the way.
Experience some wins together. If you have the will to win, you’re halfway to success, if not, you’re halfway to failure. Work with people and allow them to experience smaller victories. Then hand over more difficult challenges.
Visualize their future success. A person can live 40 days without food, four days without water, four minutes without air, but only four seconds without hope. When you cast a vision, you paint a picture of their success.
Expect a new level of living. We all live under the same sky but we all don’t see the same horizon. Have faith in people, dream big dreams, and expand horizons. Putting faith in others involves risk.

This is a continuation of REAL Leadership, material from John Maxwell’s Leadership 101.

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REAL Leadership

Posted on March 5, 2009 by Scott Chafee

This week I had been approached about the possibility of doing a series on leadership. There are certainly plenty of resources available so I thought we’d take a look at the top leadership guy, John Maxwell. I went to a REAL Leadership conference years ago and thought some of the things learned would benefit the Men of Steel in their professional lives as well as their families.

REAL stands for Relationships, Equipping, Attitudes and Leadership. Let’s take a look at Relationships:

Why are relationships important? They are the glue that holds team members together. Solid relationships are built upon mutual respect (you can’t make someone feel important if he secretly feels like a nobody), shared experiences (you can’t be relational with someone you don’t know), trust (as you respect people and spend time with them, trust develops), reciprocity (one-sided relationships don’t really last) and mutual enjoyment (as relationships grow, people begin to enjoy one another).

What do we need to know about others? People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. I generally agreed with this statement until my friend Craig (an anatomy professor at the medical school in Norfolk) said “until you’re looking for a surgeon.” Great point!

Why do people fail to understand others? Fear (fear can be in most work environments, we must give others the benefit of the doubt and replace fear with understanding), Self-centeredness (this is natural for people, so try to see from the other person’s perspective), failure to appreciate differences (a team is no good if they all have the same skills, we need people who have talents that we don’t have), failure to acknowledge similarities (put yourself in the other person’s shoe and ask how you’d handle the situation).

Things everyone needs to understand about people.

Everybody wants to be somebody. We want to be regarded by others, to do something significant. Treat people as if they are important.
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. People are your greatest asset, so love them, do good, be honest, help them, if better is possible, to do good is not enough.
Everybody needs somebody. Contrary to popular opinion, there are no self-made men or women Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Give honor to those who helped you get where you are today.
Everybody can be somebody when somebody understands and believes in them. Go out of your way to make people feel special. Invest in them. Everyone has the potential to become important in the lives of others.
Anybody who helps somebody has the potential in influence a lot of bodies. You can impact a lot of people! The nature of influence seems to multiply.

Choose this day that you will seek to understand others. How will this impact your marriage, your family, your work environment? Next time I’ll write about the building blocks of relationships.

Are You As Trustworthy As You Think?

Posted on January 28, 2008 by Scott Chafee

I was reading Christian Single magazine and found an article written by a person named J.B. which certainly causes one to think!

When it comes to relationships, honesty is one of the character traits we most appreciate. Almost all of us think of ourselves as trustworthy, and we are quick to be offended when others are proved dishonest. While big lies might be easy to spot, how truthful are we when it comes to the small things?

· Keeping Promises: Have you ever promised to keep a secret, make a date, or help someone out and then failed to do exactly that? Sure, life gets in the way sometimes, and everyone’s entitled to a change of mind. But if your friends find themselves on the receiving end of a string of broken promises, it can mean only one thing: You’re unreliable.

· Shirking Work: While most of us still find it hard to break a promise to a friend, it’s much easier to take advantage of a big company. Have you ever called in sick when the only thing making you ill is the daily grind? Guess what: Your pants are on fire.

· Pilfering Post-Itst: An online survey by Reader’s Digest Canada found that 62 percent of its readers copped to stealing office supplies. Maybe you’re just pocketing small stuff like pens, paper, or envelopes to sock it to an impersonal industry. But if taking something that’s not yours isn’t dishonest, then what is?

· Ignoring Checkout Mistakes: How do you react if you get undercharged at the supermarket or restaurant? What do you do if the cashier gives you too much change? Your response is more of a statement about your own trustworthiness than their accuracy.

· Committing Victimless Crimes: Do you run stop signs way out in the country when you’re sure not to be seen? Do you edge over the speed limit on certain well-known roads? Do you ever pocket income you have no plans of reporting to the IRS? Don’t forget the classic definition of integrity: It’s who you are when no one’s looking.

I am reminded of the young shepherd boy, David, in the classic story of his battle with the giant (1 Samuel 17). David approached King Saul and wanted to take on the one who was trash-talking the armies of the living God. Any king would have been concerned for such a young man to take on a huge warrior. But David’s comeback was a sign of his character. He was confident. He said he killed both the lion and the bear when they would come to steal his father’s flock, and he would do the same for this giant (vss. 34-36).

This tells me that David was a person of integrity; he had a responsibility to protect his father’s animals. Who would have ever known if one or two went missing? He risked his life when no one was looking! What kind of person are we when no one is looking? Or for the parents reading this; what kind of person are you when someone IS looking?

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