Tag: Family

Day Nineteen:

Simply, let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes.’ Matthew 5:37

Today’s challenge is to say “yes” to your wife more times than you say “no.”

It is easy to get bogged down in the “I don’t want to’s” of life. With so many demands at work, in committees, and even at church, it is easy to think when you get home that “this is my time to do what I want.”

• Has your wife been asking you take a walk or go for a bike ride? Say “yes.”
• Has she been asking you to fix that leaky faucet? Say “yes.”
• Does she want you to go with her to meet the new neighbors? Say “yes.”
• Is she waiting for you to tell her if you will go to the office party next week? Say “yes.”
• Does she want a new car? Well, you’ll have to decide for yourself on that one (and see Day 22).

What simple thing(s) has your wife asked you to do but you have denied her because “it’s my time to do what I want?”

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Eighteen:

Let the wise listen and add to their learning. Proverbs 1:5

How well do you listen to your wife?

When your wife is talking to you, do you give her your full attention or do you have one ear turned in her direction with your eyes focused on the TV or the computer? While multitasking might be necessary at work, it is seldom a good idea at home – especially when it comes to communicating with your wife.

Your wife has a deep need to connect with you in conversation. She wants to know your thoughts and your needs, and she wants you to know hers. She wants you to listen with an open heart, one that tells her you care and that you want to know her even better than you already do.

Sadly, communication in marriage often disintegrates into conversations that complete strangers might have – the weather, the problems with the car, who needs to get which child to the next event.

Who you are as husband and wife, man and woman, lovers and friends often gets lost in the day-to-day activities of life.

Today’s challenge is to truly listen to your wife. When you are together, do not turn on the TV or the computer, get out of the house together if you must, but give your full attention to your wife and what she has to say.

This might be awkward at first, for both you and your wife, but you stand to learn a great deal about the woman that you chose as your wife. How has she grown since you got married? What dreams does she have for the future? How can you pray for her?

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Seventeen: Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:19

Let your conversation be always full of grace. Colossians 4:6

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, how you are doing with the ground rules? While each of the daily challenges is important, it is more important to grasp these ground rules and use them as the basis for your entire marriage, not just these 30 days.

It is these ground rules that will keep a healthy marriage strong or will help to warm the heart of a wife who is teetering on the edge. Long after the 30 days are over, these basic guidelines will keep peace and harmony in a home and in a marriage.

You can’t say anything negative about your wife . . . to your wife . . . or to anyone else about your wife.
Say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife . . . to your wife . . . or to someone else about your wife every day.

You’ve worked hard these past 16 days and the end of the 30 days is in sight, but the hope is that these ideas and practices will be written on your heart so that you make your wife the priority that she should be and that a good marriage will be strengthened, a stagnant marriage revived, or a marriage in crises brought back from the brink.

For today’s challenge you get a mulligan – not a stew, a do-over. Choose one of the challenges from the previous 16 days and do it again. You might choose one that gave particular encouragement to your wife or one that you don’t feel was given your best effort. The choice is up to you, but don’t let the day pass by without doing something to encourage your wife and put a smile on her face.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Sixteen: And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

There are many, many pressures on a husband to live up to the standards of this world. The company wants you to work 60 hours or more a week, while your wife and kids want you to spend as much time with them as you can.

While it is true that men often gain self-worth from their work, and God has created them this way, consider whether the hours spent at the office go beyond the basic needs that you and your family have financially.

You may think that you are working long hours to provide for your family, but do you have more than enough already and are working only to have more and more to keep up with the Joneses?

Sit down with your wife and kids and ask them how you can better spend your time with them. Take time to have fun with your wife and kids, not just working to provide more and more in a household that already has enough.

Let God be the supplier of your needs. Your wife and family do need the financial security that you provide, but not if they have to sacrifice your presence with them.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Fifteen: Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. Song of Songs 4:16

If you have been married for any length of time, you know that men and women often view sex in vastly different ways. For a woman, physical intimacy often requires much planning, preparation, and time. She might need flowers, a back rub, and a restful attitude before “feeling ready.” All of the events of the day might need to be resolved and put to bed (no pun intended) before she can give in to her sexual desires.

For a man, all that is required is “to show up naked and bring food.”

Even though you know that spontaneity is more difficult for your wife than it is for you, it is sometimes difficult not to be hurt by her seeming lack of interest.

If waiting until bedtime to spring the idea of making love on your wife isn’t working, let her know your intentions early in the day. Ask her what you can do to help set the mood for the evening.

Are you willing to watch the kids while she takes a bath and unwinds? Do the dishes need to be washed and put away before your wife can call it a night? Sometimes a woman is just too tired from all she has to do to think about making love, even though she may want to.

Remember that differences in sexual desire were created by God, and learn how you can work with these differences instead of railing against them in your marriage.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Fourteen: How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights. Song of Songs 7:6

Too often we get caught up in the routine of marriage and forget to notice the beauty that is before our eyes. Look at your wife with fresh eyes. See how she has changed since you first met. How has the life that you share made her even more beautiful to you? What is it that attracts you to her? What do you love about her body?

The Lover in the Song of Songs did not spare many details when he wrote of the beauty of his Beloved. From the tips of her toes to the fragrance of her breath, he spared no detail in describing how he saw her body (Song of Songs 7:1-9).

Is your wife self-conscious about her body? Does she feel beautiful? Does she feel that she is beautiful to you?

Tell your wife today what makes her beautiful to you. Spare no detail – right down to the blush of her cheeks when she hears these words.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Thirteen: They should always pray and not give up. Luke 18:1

There is special joy in a woman’s heart when she hears her husband pray for her.

Do you pray for your wife regularly? Do you pray with your wife regularly? Is she struggling with something she doesn’t know how to handle? Are pressures at work getting to her? Does she take care of you and the kids along with her parents or your parents?

What joys has she celebrated recently? What answers to prayer has she seen?

Today, pray with your wife and say a special prayer for her – for her struggles as well as her joys. Let her hear you thank the Father for her presence in your life.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Twelve: Turn your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding. Proverbs 2:2

Now that you’ve learned your wife’s love language and have gotten a few ideas about how to put it into practice, do not let any grass grow under your feet. The sooner you begin to speak her language, the more quickly she will respond and the more quickly you will be able to speak her language fluently.

What ideas did you get from your wife? What ideas can you come up with on your own?

This may be difficult for you, especially if your love language is not the same as your wife’s. You may wonder how anybody could feel loved by even the smallest act of service or a heartfelt hug while washing dishes, but if it’s your wife’s love language, she will get the message loud and clear.

Today’s challenge is to get more comfortable speaking your wife’s love language by speaking it to her today.

If you are still unsure of what to do to speak her language, check out 5 Love Languages or buy the book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing, Chicago, 1992).

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Eleven: Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself. Ephesians 5:33

Hopefully yesterday wasn’t the first time in 10 days that you’ve told your wife you love her. If it was, or even if it wasn’t, do you realize that hearing “I love you” is extremely important, but it might not be the most effective way to show your love to your wife?

Today’s challenge is to learn a new language – your wife’s love language.

Many of you have heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing, Chicago, 1992). While it may take only a few minutes to learn your wife’s love language, it will take practice to perfect it and speak it fluently.

You see, we are often most prone to give love in the same way in which we ourselves like to receive it; that is, we speak the same love language that we like to hear. If I speak words of affirmation because it is my own love language but not my husband’s, he might know that I love him, but he is not fulfilled as much by my words as he would be by expressions of love in his own love language, such as physical touch or just spending together.

To find out your wife’s primary love language, ask her these five questions:

1. Do you feel most loved when someone expresses appreciation for you or for what you have done, no matter how simple the act? (words of affirmation)
2. Do you feel most loved when you are given attention and feel that someone wants to spend time with you? (quality time)
3. Do you feel most loved when someone brings you gifts or some tangible item, no matter how small or inexpensive? (gifts)
4. Do you feel most loved when someone does things for you, taking out the garbage, washing clothes, running errands, etc.? (acts of service)
5. Do you feel most loved when you are receiving physical touch? (surprise! physical touch) Note: Be careful here not to confuse physical touch with sex. Think of nonsexual touch: holding hands, sitting close when watching a movie, getting a neck and shoulder rub. Sexual fulfillment is not the same as physical touch as a primary love language.

After you have discovered which of these languages speaks most clearly to your wife, ask her what you can do within her language to show her your love. Trust me, she will have ideas.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Ten: It has been a while since we checked in. How are you doing with the basics?

1. You can’t say anything negative about your wife . . . to your wife . . . or to anyone else about your wife.
2. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife . . . to your wife . . . or to someone else about your wife every day.

Are you finding it is getting easier or getting harder to stick to the basic premise of the challenge?

Call a male friend today and talk about how you are doing with the challenge. Tell him your struggles and your successes. If your friend is taking on the challenge too, ask how he is doing and encourage one another.

Husbands, love your wives. Colossians 3:19

Today’s task is simple, but oh so important. Tell your wife that you love her.

Do you realize how important it is for your wife to know that you love her? It is nearly as important to her as oxygen. She needs to hear it often, and preferably accompanied by a hug and a kiss.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com