Tag: Coping

There are several potential areas of role confusion:

1. Visiting instead of counseling: Visiting is a friendly, mutual sharing. Counseling is a problem-centered, goal-directed conversation which focuses primarily on the needs of one person, the client.
2. Being hasty instead of deliberate: Busy, goal-directed people often want to hurry the counseling process to a quick and successful termination. Counselors are not to be time wasters, but neither are they to rush the process. A relaxed and deliberate pace makes the client feel the undivided attention and serious interest of his counselor.
3. Being disrespectful instead of sympathetic: Some counselors quickly categorize people (carnal Christian, divorcee) and then dismiss individuals with quick confrontation and advice.
4. Being judgmental instead of unbiased: Confrontation is not the same as preaching condemnation for sin or failures. If a client feels attacked they either defend themselves (often in anger) with a “what’s the use?” attitude, or they go along with the counselor temporarily and grudgingly. Jesus never winked at sin, but He understood sinners and always showed kindness and respect to those who were willing to learn, repent and change their behavior.
5. Overloading the session instead of pacing the counseling: This sometimes comes out of enthusiasm to help, and too much is put in the sessions. It can overwhelm the counselee and cause frustration. It is best not to assimilate more than one or two new insights in one session. A pace should be set, even if the sessions are shorter in length.
6. Being directive instead of interpretive: This is common, and could reveal the counselor’s subconscious need to dominate. When told what to do, the client doesn’t discriminate between the counselor and the will of God. They can feel guilty and incompetent if they don’t follow the advice, and will never learn how to mature spiritually and emotionally to the point where they can make decisions without the help of the counselor.
7. Being emotionally involved instead of remaining objective: There is a fine line between caring and becoming too involved.If the client becomes too disturbed, confused or struggling with a problem, there is a tendency for the counselor to worry and let the counselee interrupt the counselor’s schedule at their convenience. The counselor can lose objectivity. One must remember that this is a professional helping relationship, no matter how compassionate one me be.
8. Being defensive instead of empathetic: Counselors can feel threatened when we are criticized, unable to help, made to feel guilty, anxious or in danger of being harmed, and then our ability to listen empathetically is hindered.

Jesus stated His goals for individuals: abundant life on earth (John 10:10) and everlasting life in heaven (John 3:16). This should be the ultimate overarching goal of any Christian counselor. Face it, there are many sincere Christians who will enjoy eternal life in heaven but fall very short of experiencing abundant life on earth. These people need something more than evangelism or traditional Christian education. Such counseling might help one recognize subconscious harmful attitudes, teach interpersonal skills and new behaviors, or show how to mobilize one’s inner resources to face a crisis. Such counseling, guided by the Holy Spirit, can free a person from hang-ups that keep him or her from growing to Christian maturity.

It is important for the counselor and counselee to establish clear objectives and goals, which are specific and realistic, and even measurable.

1. Self-understanding: This is the first step in healing. Many problems are self-imposed (biased perceptions, harmful attitudes, self-destructive behavior).

2. Communication: It is well known that many marriage difficulties come do to a breakdown in the husband-wife communication. The same is true for other problems. We must learn to communicate feelings, thoughts and attitudes both accurately and effectively. One must be able to express oneself, and to receive accurate messages from others.

3. Learning and behavior change: Most if not all of our behavior is learned. Therefore, one must un-learn ineffective behavior and learn more efficient ways of acting. Such learning comes from instruction, imitation, or trial and error. One must practice new ways of learning.

4. Self-actualization: Humanistic writers have used this tern to express the importance of an individual learning to achieve and maintain one’s optimal potential. To the Christian, a term like “Christ-actualization” might be substituted to indicate that the goal in life is to be complete in Christ, develop our greatest potential through the power of the Holy Spirit who bring us to maturity.

5. Support: Often people can meet the above goals and function effectively, except for temporary periods of unusual stress or crisis. Such persons can benefit from a period of support, encouragement and burden-bearing until they are able to re-mobilize their personal and spiritual resources to effectively meet the problems of living.