Category: Relationships

Day Fifteen: Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. Song of Songs 4:16

If you have been married for any length of time, you know that men and women often view sex in vastly different ways. For a woman, physical intimacy often requires much planning, preparation, and time. She might need flowers, a back rub, and a restful attitude before “feeling ready.” All of the events of the day might need to be resolved and put to bed (no pun intended) before she can give in to her sexual desires.

For a man, all that is required is “to show up naked and bring food.”

Even though you know that spontaneity is more difficult for your wife than it is for you, it is sometimes difficult not to be hurt by her seeming lack of interest.

If waiting until bedtime to spring the idea of making love on your wife isn’t working, let her know your intentions early in the day. Ask her what you can do to help set the mood for the evening.

Are you willing to watch the kids while she takes a bath and unwinds? Do the dishes need to be washed and put away before your wife can call it a night? Sometimes a woman is just too tired from all she has to do to think about making love, even though she may want to.

Remember that differences in sexual desire were created by God, and learn how you can work with these differences instead of railing against them in your marriage.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Fourteen: How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights. Song of Songs 7:6

Too often we get caught up in the routine of marriage and forget to notice the beauty that is before our eyes. Look at your wife with fresh eyes. See how she has changed since you first met. How has the life that you share made her even more beautiful to you? What is it that attracts you to her? What do you love about her body?

The Lover in the Song of Songs did not spare many details when he wrote of the beauty of his Beloved. From the tips of her toes to the fragrance of her breath, he spared no detail in describing how he saw her body (Song of Songs 7:1-9).

Is your wife self-conscious about her body? Does she feel beautiful? Does she feel that she is beautiful to you?

Tell your wife today what makes her beautiful to you. Spare no detail – right down to the blush of her cheeks when she hears these words.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Thirteen: They should always pray and not give up. Luke 18:1

There is special joy in a woman’s heart when she hears her husband pray for her.

Do you pray for your wife regularly? Do you pray with your wife regularly? Is she struggling with something she doesn’t know how to handle? Are pressures at work getting to her? Does she take care of you and the kids along with her parents or your parents?

What joys has she celebrated recently? What answers to prayer has she seen?

Today, pray with your wife and say a special prayer for her – for her struggles as well as her joys. Let her hear you thank the Father for her presence in your life.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Twelve: Turn your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding. Proverbs 2:2

Now that you’ve learned your wife’s love language and have gotten a few ideas about how to put it into practice, do not let any grass grow under your feet. The sooner you begin to speak her language, the more quickly she will respond and the more quickly you will be able to speak her language fluently.

What ideas did you get from your wife? What ideas can you come up with on your own?

This may be difficult for you, especially if your love language is not the same as your wife’s. You may wonder how anybody could feel loved by even the smallest act of service or a heartfelt hug while washing dishes, but if it’s your wife’s love language, she will get the message loud and clear.

Today’s challenge is to get more comfortable speaking your wife’s love language by speaking it to her today.

If you are still unsure of what to do to speak her language, check out 5 Love Languages or buy the book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing, Chicago, 1992).

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Eleven: Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself. Ephesians 5:33

Hopefully yesterday wasn’t the first time in 10 days that you’ve told your wife you love her. If it was, or even if it wasn’t, do you realize that hearing “I love you” is extremely important, but it might not be the most effective way to show your love to your wife?

Today’s challenge is to learn a new language – your wife’s love language.

Many of you have heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing, Chicago, 1992). While it may take only a few minutes to learn your wife’s love language, it will take practice to perfect it and speak it fluently.

You see, we are often most prone to give love in the same way in which we ourselves like to receive it; that is, we speak the same love language that we like to hear. If I speak words of affirmation because it is my own love language but not my husband’s, he might know that I love him, but he is not fulfilled as much by my words as he would be by expressions of love in his own love language, such as physical touch or just spending together.

To find out your wife’s primary love language, ask her these five questions:

1. Do you feel most loved when someone expresses appreciation for you or for what you have done, no matter how simple the act? (words of affirmation)
2. Do you feel most loved when you are given attention and feel that someone wants to spend time with you? (quality time)
3. Do you feel most loved when someone brings you gifts or some tangible item, no matter how small or inexpensive? (gifts)
4. Do you feel most loved when someone does things for you, taking out the garbage, washing clothes, running errands, etc.? (acts of service)
5. Do you feel most loved when you are receiving physical touch? (surprise! physical touch) Note: Be careful here not to confuse physical touch with sex. Think of nonsexual touch: holding hands, sitting close when watching a movie, getting a neck and shoulder rub. Sexual fulfillment is not the same as physical touch as a primary love language.

After you have discovered which of these languages speaks most clearly to your wife, ask her what you can do within her language to show her your love. Trust me, she will have ideas.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Ten: It has been a while since we checked in. How are you doing with the basics?

1. You can’t say anything negative about your wife . . . to your wife . . . or to anyone else about your wife.
2. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife . . . to your wife . . . or to someone else about your wife every day.

Are you finding it is getting easier or getting harder to stick to the basic premise of the challenge?

Call a male friend today and talk about how you are doing with the challenge. Tell him your struggles and your successes. If your friend is taking on the challenge too, ask how he is doing and encourage one another.

Husbands, love your wives. Colossians 3:19

Today’s task is simple, but oh so important. Tell your wife that you love her.

Do you realize how important it is for your wife to know that you love her? It is nearly as important to her as oxygen. She needs to hear it often, and preferably accompanied by a hug and a kiss.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Nine: For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord. Genesis 18:19

Many Christian women long for their husband to be the spiritual leader in the home. Too many men are busy with work, sports, and daily life to learn what it takes to be a spiritual leader to his wife and children.

The statistics of successful families versus families in crisis is astounding when the man is the spiritual leader. What example do you set in your home? Do you seek the Lord daily? Do you pray with and for your wife? Do your children see and hear your walk with the Lord?

If you feel that you are the spiritual leader in your home, humbly ask your wife what you could do better to guide, teach, and direct your family in the ways of the Lord.

If you have not taken on the role of the spiritual leader in your home, tell your wife that you desire to be a spiritual leader and find another man in your church who can help you in this endeavor.

Do not put this off. You – and your family – cannot afford to let the world take on this role. You must be a witness for Christ in your home.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Eight: There is a time for everything … a time to be silent and a time to speak. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7

How easy it is to speak before thinking, especially if that pattern has already been established in your marriage.

Do you or your wife have the habit of returning one hurtful jab for another or lashing out at the smallest provocation?

It is hard to be silent, especially when you feel hurt or angry or disrespected, but often, if you take a few minutes to gather your thoughts and think about what you might say in return, you will realize that the problem will only escalate if you say what immediately comes to mind.

Your challenge today is to be silent when you could return insult for insult or when you could say, “I told you so.” Remember that silence is a show of humility. Allow your wife to vent if she needs to, and offer an ear to listen without rebuttal.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Seven: Let love and faithfulness never leave you. Proverbs 3:3

Nothing gives encouragement to your wife like knowing that she is the only one for you.

Tell your wife today that you are glad you married her, that you would marry her all over again, and that you will keep your vows made before God and man on your wedding day.

When my husband and I got married, we wrote our own vows. In his wisdom, our pastor made a booklet for us that contains our entire ceremony, including our vows. If you can remember the vows you spoke on your wedding day, say them again to your spouse. If you do not remember them exactly, write new ones that tell your wife you would marry her all over again.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Day Six: Humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

This story is taken from Night Light, by Dr. James and Shirley Dobson (Multnomah Publishers, Sisters, OR, 2000). Mr. Smith learned that his neighbor, Mr. Jones, had presented flowers and a gift to Mrs. Jones five nights in a row. He thought, That must be what wins a woman’s heart. So Smith went out and bought a big box of candy and a bouquet of his wife’s favorite flowers. Arriving home a little early that afternoon, he rang the doorbell. When Mrs. Smith appeared, he passionately embraced her. Suddenly she sagged and fell in a heap on the floor. “My goodness! What’s wrong?” he exclaimed.

When she regained consciousness, she explained. “Oh, this has been the worst day! Our son received a terrible report card; Mother was admitted to the hospital; the roast burned; the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!”

Has it been a while since you brought home anything to your wife except for a special occasion? Would she think there was something wrong with you if you brought something home for her?

Today’s encouragement challenge is to surprise your wife with something – flowers or something as simple as her favorite candy or the latest book from her favorite author. It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to say, “I was thinking of you. I love you. And I thought you would like this.”

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com