REAL Leadership

How to Build and Maintain Integrity

Posted on March 26, 2009 by Scott Chafee

This week I was thinking about Craig’s comments about the honor code at the medical college and it made me consider the quality of integrity. People always talk about it but we can’t always get a handle on just what it is. John Maxwell has some wise words on the topic:

Integrity is important in building relationships: It is the foundation upon which success is built, along with respect, dignity and trust. If integrity is weak, success is impossible. I believe integrity is about the small things, often when no one is watching. Sort of like king David talking about the kind of shepherd he was when no one was looking (1 Samuel 17:34-37). We would not even have this story had David not revealed it! He was alone, and his true character was shining. It might have been too easy to say, “It’s only one sheep, why risk my life over one stinkin’ sheep?” David had integrity.

Consider these thoughts on integrity:

Integrity is not determined by circumstance: like your household or your upbringing. Circumstances are as responsible for your character as a mirror is for your looks… who you see only reflects who you are.
Integrity is not based on credentials: some people want to be judged not on who they really are but on some status they have achieved. These guys want to lead out of their credentials rather than the strength of their character. No title, degree, award or license can be a substitute for one’s character.
Integrity is not to be confused with reputation: Solomon once said that a good name is more desirable than great riches (Proverbs 22:1). D. L Moody once said that if I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself. We will struggle with maintaining our integrity if we do all the right things from the outside (without a changed inner strength).

Questions to help measure your integrity:

How well do I treat people if I gain nothing?
Am I transparent to others?
Do I role-play based on the person I’m with?
Am I the same person in the spotlight as I am when I’m alone?
Do I quickly admit to wrongdoing without being forced to do so?
Do I put people ahead of my personal agenda?
Do I have an unchanging standard for moral decisions, or do circumstances determine my choices?
Do I make difficult decisions, even when they have a personal cost attached to them?
When I have something to say about people, do I talk to them or about them?
Am I accountable to at least one other person for what I think, say or do?

Do what you should before you do what you want: Zig Ziglar once said, “When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them.” If you know what you stand for and act accordingly, people will trust you! Great advice from a visionary leader.

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The Value of Listening

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Scott Chafee

According to John Maxwell, these are the benefits of listening to others:

Listening shows respect: It’s a mistake to try to impress others, trying to appear smart, witty or entertaining to the other person. If you want to impress others, focus on what they have to offer! Be impressed and interested rather than impressive and interesting.
Listening builds relationships: Dale Carnegie wrote that you can make more friends in two weeks by listening to people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you (in How to Win Friends and Influence People). David Schwartz, in the Magic of Thinking Big, wrote that big people monopolize the listening while small people monopolize the talking.
Listening increases knowledge: It’s amazing how much you can learn by listening to others. Beware of thinking you have all the answers and being the expert. Continue growing and learning. None of us has arrived. Many people in authority begin to listen less and less.
Listening generates ideas: people love to contribute to the process, and have their leaders share the credit for ideas. Even if an idea doesn’t work, it might encourage other brainstorming ideas that will work.
Listening builds loyalty: if you don’t make it a practice to listen to people, they will find someone else who will: employees, spouses, children, friends, colleagues. Good listening will draw people toward you.

How to develop good listening habits:

Look at the speaker: you know how it works, undivided attention; don’t shuffle papers, type on the computer, watch TV, do the dishes, focus on the person.
Don’t interrupt: interruption shows disrespect. People generally interrupt because, 1) they don’t place value on what the other person has to say, 2) they want to impress others by showing how smart they are, or 3) they are too excited about the conversation to allow the other person to finish talking. Check your motives.
Focus on understanding: universities have studied information retention and we tend to forget 50% of what we hear, and retain only 25% the next day. Increase in understanding helps retention. It’s more than just hearing the words.
Determine the need at the moment: men want to fix things, so the need at the moment is resolution. Women tend to want to share information and discuss things.
Check your emotions: don’t make the unsuspecting person a recipient of your unvented emotions.
Suspend your judgment: you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. Wait to hear the whole story.
Sum up at major intervals: comment on what you hear by summing up what you have heard. If you truly understand the situation, the person will let you know. If you don’t understand, this allows opportunity to get it right. Summarize one idea before going on to the next.
Ask questions for clarity: top reporters are great at asking questions to get to the bottom of the story. They focus on understanding, suspend judgment and sum up what the person has to say.
Make listening your priority: no matter how busy you are, this practice of listening is essential.

Good suggestions for effective leadership at home and the office!

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How Can I Encourage Others?

Posted on March 5, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Believing in people before they have proved themselves is the key to motivating people to reach their potential. Everyone loves encouragement; to have others believe the best about you and your abilities.

Here are four facts about having faith in another person:

Most people don’t have faith in themselves. Many believe they will fail; the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. With even a little faith, anyone can do remarkable things.
Most people don’t have someone who has faith in them. People today are isolated; they don’t get support at home or from their boss. Ninety percent of inmates where told they will never amount to anything and will end up in jail. Even those closest to them do not believe in them.
Most people can tell when someone else has faith in them. Our goal should not be to get people to think more highly of us, but to get others to think more highly of themselves. People can tell when we genuinely trust and believe in another person.
Most people will do anything to live up to your faith in them. People will rise or fall to the level of expectation you set for them. If you express skepticism and doubt, they will return your lack of confidence with mediocrity. People thrive around those who have confidence in them.

How can you become a believer in people? We must believe in them and express that belief!

Believe in them before they succeed. Everyone loves a winner, so it’s tough to believe in someone before they have proven themselves. Every person has seeds of greatness within them, so when you believe in someone you allow those seeds to grow.
Emphasize their strengths. Leaders don’t have to exercise their authority and point out the deficiencies of others. Motivate others to see their potential and to focus on their strengths. Give others the power to succeed. Praise them publicly and privately for a job well done.
List their past successes. Knowing their strengths may not be enough, so listing past successes reminds them of their potential. King David looked back on his successes and had confidence in the future (1 Samuel 17:33-37).
Instill confidence when they fail. When people fail they have two choices: give in or go on. Some people are resilient and can get going, others are not that determined. Give them a push and inspire confidence. We can share our own failures to build their confidence, too. Success is a journey, not a destination. Babe Ruth said that we should never let the fear of striking out get in the way.
Experience some wins together. If you have the will to win, you’re halfway to success, if not, you’re halfway to failure. Work with people and allow them to experience smaller victories. Then hand over more difficult challenges.
Visualize their future success. A person can live 40 days without food, four days without water, four minutes without air, but only four seconds without hope. When you cast a vision, you paint a picture of their success.
Expect a new level of living. We all live under the same sky but we all don’t see the same horizon. Have faith in people, dream big dreams, and expand horizons. Putting faith in others involves risk.

This is a continuation of REAL Leadership, material from John Maxwell’s Leadership 101.

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Posted on March 5, 2009 by Scott Chafee

This week I had been approached about the possibility of doing a series on leadership. There are certainly plenty of resources available so I thought we’d take a look at the top leadership guy, John Maxwell. I went to a REAL Leadership conference years ago and thought some of the things learned would benefit the Men of Steel in their professional lives as well as their families.

REAL stands for Relationships, Equipping, Attitudes and Leadership. Let’s take a look at Relationships:

Why are relationships important? They are the glue that holds team members together. Solid relationships are built upon mutual respect (you can’t make someone feel important if he secretly feels like a nobody), shared experiences (you can’t be relational with someone you don’t know), trust (as you respect people and spend time with them, trust develops), reciprocity (one-sided relationships don’t really last) and mutual enjoyment (as relationships grow, people begin to enjoy one another).

What do we need to know about others? People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. I generally agreed with this statement until my friend Craig (an anatomy professor at the medical school in Norfolk) said “until you’re looking for a surgeon.” Great point!

Why do people fail to understand others? Fear (fear can be in most work environments, we must give others the benefit of the doubt and replace fear with understanding), Self-centeredness (this is natural for people, so try to see from the other person’s perspective), failure to appreciate differences (a team is no good if they all have the same skills, we need people who have talents that we don’t have), failure to acknowledge similarities (put yourself in the other person’s shoe and ask how you’d handle the situation).

Things everyone needs to understand about people.

Everybody wants to be somebody. We want to be regarded by others, to do something significant. Treat people as if they are important.
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. People are your greatest asset, so love them, do good, be honest, help them, if better is possible, to do good is not enough.
Everybody needs somebody. Contrary to popular opinion, there are no self-made men or women Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Give honor to those who helped you get where you are today.
Everybody can be somebody when somebody understands and believes in them. Go out of your way to make people feel special. Invest in them. Everyone has the potential to become important in the lives of others.
Anybody who helps somebody has the potential in influence a lot of bodies. You can impact a lot of people! The nature of influence seems to multiply.

Choose this day that you will seek to understand others. How will this impact your marriage, your family, your work environment? Next time I’ll write about the building blocks of relationships.