Category: Marriage

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 26

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Day Twenty-six:

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17

I once heard someone say that a friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway.

Does this describe your relationship with your wife? Does she know all about you? What are you holding back from her for fear that she will not love you?

Most women know when a man is holding out on her: there is an emotional barrier that never seems to come down even if the ax is swung close to the root.

Vulnerability is hard and trust is risky, but it might be time to trust in your friend, the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18).

Pray about an issue that you are holding back from your wife. Seek Godly counsel and wait for an answer from the Lord. As your marriage grows stronger and you learn that you can and want to trust your wife with who you are as a man, you will know when the time is right to let that barrier down.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work … But pity the man who falls down and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9,10.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 25

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Day Twenty-five:

If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:12

It’s time for a little self-examination. You’ve come a long way, and the end of the 30 days is in sight. What changes have you seen in your wife? What changes have you seen in yourself? Is your home a little quieter and peace more abundant? Do your wife and children seem more at ease and loving?

Today, think of how you can show love to your wife through the pattern of love in I Corinthians 13:1-8a. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Choose one characteristic that you want to make abundant in your wife’s life today and ask God to help you follow through.

Read the I Corinthians passage again. Underline those characteristics of love that you do pretty well and circle those that need some work. Don’t be too hard on yourself; none of us will get a perfect score.

This exercise is not meant to point out where you’ve failed or need more work, but to point out where you have succeeded and how your demonstration of love to your wife has changed over the past 24 days.

There is still room for improvement, there always is, but you are well on your way to living out I Corinthians 13 every day.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 24

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Day Twenty-four:

Take me away with you – let us hurry! Song of Songs 1:4

Before a man and woman are married, a great deal of time and energy is spent planning for time together. Often plans for the next date are made in the midst of the current date.

After marriage, however, a husband and wife seldom plan time to be together – they just are together, for better or for worse, and dinner out is more a necessity than a romantic date.

Today’s challenge is to go on a date with your wife. Call her, email her, send a text message, or slip a note in her purse to set it up. Whatever you do, make it clear that this is a date, not just a chance to get out of cooking.

Take her someplace new or someplace that you both really love. Dress up, open doors for her, look at her when she talks; remember what it was like to be dating and how you couldn’t wait to be alone together again.

While you’re out, plan a longer getaway just for the two of you. If finances are tight, plan a one-day outing and ask someone to watch your kids in exchange for watching theirs another day.

If you can, plan an overnight trip or a weekend getaway. It sometimes takes more than just a couple of hours together to put the cares of the world behind you and begin to focus on other another.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 23

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Day Twenty-three:

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Psalm 126:2

If a woman is honest, she will likely tell you that it was her husband’s sense of humor that won her over. Sure you have lots of wonderful, endearing qualities, but your sense of humor probably played a major role in winning your wife’s heart.

Joanne Woodward, wife of actor Paul Newman, said Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.

When was the last time you and your wife laughed, really laughed together? Hopefully, it was yesterday or earlier today, but chances are good you haven’t heard a real good belly laugh from your wife in a long while.

Today’s challenge is to make your wife’s heart cheerful by making her laugh.

A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22

Did something funny happen to you that you haven’t shared with her? Does she have a favorite comedian or funny show that makes her laugh? Is there something that you do or say that makes her laugh every time you do it? Make your wife laugh today, whatever it takes.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 22

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Day Twenty-two: I haven’t reminded you in a while, so here are the basic guidelines you should be following. If you do nothing else during these 30 days, not that I recommend that, commit to not saying anything negative about your wife to her or to anyone else and do say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife to her and/or to someone else about her every day.

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone. Proverbs 23:5

According to many, the root of most of the arguments in marriage is money. How much you make, how much you spend, how to spend it, who should decide how to spend it, who has spent too much, how can we afford what we want, etc.

By and large, financial decisions fall to the husband. He may not be the one that writes the checks or balances the checkbook, but he is usually the one who makes investment decisions and takes care of long-term financial issues such as life insurance and retirement planning.

Even if you know that your financial future is secure, at least as far as any of us can know, convey that to your wife. A woman looks to her husband for security, and she needs to know that you are aware of the needs for the future, whether they are concerns for house payments, college, or even next week’s groceries.

If your finances are in disarray because of overspending or hard economic times, sit down with your wife and work out a plan together to get back on track. Ask God how you should spend your money and how to get out of debt. Find a Christian man to help you with budgeting if needed.

Make sure that God is in your financial decisions, but don’t neglect your wife. She needs to know that your financial future is as secure as it can be.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

Being a Real Man

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There is a lot of confusion among men these days. Just look at the commercials we see on TV. I saw one about a guy commenting on his wife’s breakfast cereal choice. The box mentioned “low fat” or something like that so he asked if she’s trying to loose weight. He’s a good husband desiring to engage in communication with his wife, but she slams him, “Are you saying I need to be on a diet?”  She asks, “What else does the box say?” Caught in a trap he tries to say the right thing until the clams up after telling her the box says “Shut up, Steve.”

 

Or how about dads in TV shows: What sort of dads do we find on Family Guy, Jimmy Neutron, The Fairly Odd Parents, Married With Children, or The Simpsons. The cool guys are usually the single men; married guys are idiots, irresponsible dopes, certainly not worth imitating, leaving us to wonder why she married him in the first place (or did she turn him that way?).

 

I remember when I was younger; there was a book that made fun of masculine stereotypes called, “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche” (another was “Real Men Don’t Bond” and “Real Men Don’t Say Splendid: a Lexicon of Unmanliness”). Humorous, but I sort of LIKE quiche… eggs in a pie crust, throw in some Italian sausage, bacon, onions… anyway. I also remember Christians came out with their own “real men” statements, like, “Real Men Love Jesus.”

 

In thinking about men, marriages and family life, I thought I’d post this short list of what it means to be a real man:

 

  1. A real man includes his wife in looking toward the future.
  2. A real man accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.
  3. A real man is willing to say, “I’m sorry” and “forgive me” to his family.
  4. A real man discusses household responsibilities with his wife to make sure he is pulling weight.
  5. A real man consults with his wife on all major financial purchases.
  6. A real man follows through on the commitments he has made to his wife.
  7. A real man frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.
  8. A real man provides for his family’s basic living needs.
  9. A real man deals with outside distractions so that he can be together with his wife and family.
  10. A real man prays with his wife on a regular basis.
  11. A real man initiates meaningful family traditions.
  12. A real man initiates family outings on a regular basis.
  13. A real man takes time to give his kids practical instruction about life.
  14. A real man helps manage the schedule in the home.
  15. A real man keeps his family financially sound and out of harmful debt.
  16. A real man draws up a will in case of his untimely death.
  17. A real man lets his wife and kids into the interior of his life.
  18. A real man honors his wife in public.
  19. A real man encourages his wife to grow as an individual.
  20. A real man provides time for his wife to pursue her own personal interests.

 

Not a bad list. Seems we all can continue to work on our marriages… none of us has arrived. Share the wealth… what other items would you add to the list?

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30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 21

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Day Twenty-one:

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11

God’s word makes it clear that we are to encourage one another and build each other up daily. Encouragement keeps us from being hardened by sin’s deceitfulness (Hebrews 3:14) and prepares us for the day of Christ’s return (Hebrews 10:26).

In our modern-day language, the word encourage means to “inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence; to stimulate by assistance or approval.”

As Christians, there is nothing that encourages us more than the promises found in God’s word.

Today’s challenge is to share with your wife a Bible passage or verse that encourages you the most. Tell her why this passage “gives you courage,” keeps you from sin’s deceitfulness, and/or prepares you for the day of His return.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 20

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Day Twenty:

You have stolen by heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. Song of Songs 4:9

The eye is the window to the soul. A great deal can be conveyed with just your eyes: joy, sadness, hurt, disgust, confusion, love, playfulness, even desire.

A wink is usually meant only for the recipient, no one else. Across the dinner table or in a crowded room, a wink can say, “I’m over here talking to these people, but I’d rather be with you,” or it can convey romantic desire or say, “Honey, I’m glad you’re mine.”

Across a crowded room or at the dinner table, preferably when you might get caught by someone else but trying not to, wink at your wife and watch her reaction. Then, when you are alone together, tell her in words what you were conveying in a wink.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 19

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Day Nineteen:

Simply, let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes.’ Matthew 5:37

Today’s challenge is to say “yes” to your wife more times than you say “no.”

It is easy to get bogged down in the “I don’t want to’s” of life. With so many demands at work, in committees, and even at church, it is easy to think when you get home that “this is my time to do what I want.”

  • Has your wife been asking you take a walk or go for a bike ride? Say “yes.”
  • Has she been asking you to fix that leaky faucet? Say “yes.”
  • Does she want you to go with her to meet the new neighbors? Say “yes.”
  • Is she waiting for you to tell her if you will go to the office party next week? Say “yes.”
  • Does she want a new car? Well, you’ll have to decide for yourself on that one (and see Day 22).

What simple thing(s) has your wife asked you to do but you have denied her because “it’s my time to do what I want?”

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 18

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Day Eighteen:

Let the wise listen and add to their learning. Proverbs 1:5

How well do you listen to your wife?

When your wife is talking to you, do you give her your full attention or do you have one ear turned in her direction with your eyes focused on the TV or the computer? While multitasking might be necessary at work, it is seldom a good idea at home – especially when it comes to communicating with your wife.

Your wife has a deep need to connect with you in conversation. She wants to know your thoughts and your needs, and she wants you to know hers. She wants you to listen with an open heart, one that tells her you care and that you want to know her even better than you already do.

Sadly, communication in marriage often disintegrates into conversations that complete strangers might have – the weather, the problems with the car, who needs to get which child to the next event.

Who you are as husband and wife, man and woman, lovers and friends often gets lost in the day-to-day activities of life.

Today’s challenge is to truly listen to your wife. When you are together, do not turn on the TV or the computer, get out of the house together if you must, but give your full attention to your wife and what she has to say.

This might be awkward at first, for both you and your wife, but you stand to learn a great deal about the woman that you chose as your wife. How has she grown since you got married? What dreams does she have for the future? How can you pray for her?

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com