Holy Living and Submission

The topic of Submission and the command for holy living may not be very popular these days, but this Sunday we will take a look at both, from 1 Peter 3:1-7.

  1. What have you admired about your grandparents’ marriage, or some other older couple? Think of someone who displays inner strength and beauty. What have you learned from that person?
  2. How do you define submission by wives (1 Peter 3:1)? How are husbands to live “in the same way” (1 Peter 3:7)?
  3. In a society where wives were rated among the slaves, what can you find that is progressive about Peter’s marriage principles in 1 Peter 3:1-7? This is a topic that is hard for many Americans to grasp. Note the phrase in 1 Peter 3:1, “in the same way.” How does that help us understand submission (refer back to 1 Peter 2:23)? Can it be that a wife entrusts herself to her husband in the marriage vows, submitting herself to her husband’s care? This does not allow any form of cruelty, emotional or physical abuse, since Peter’s instruction to husbands is to treat them with respect. Submission and respect go together. A husband who respects his wife cannot make her a doormat. A wife who commands respect will not allow it.
  4. What reasons did Peter give for acting according to these principles? For wives (1 Peter 3:1). How can believing wives win their unbelieving husbands to Christ? What may be difficulties spouses of unbelievers encounter? For husbands (1 Peter 3:7). That you prayers will not be hindered?
  5. Why is inner beauty precious to God? List some ways we can cultivate inner beauty.
  6. What can we learn from women, like Sarah, who lived long ago (1 Peter 3:5-6)? Key passages on Sarah include Genesis 12:1-5. Name some of the difficulties Abraham’s obedience may have caused for Sarah. She had to leave her home, her friends, her family; suffer hardship and even risk her life because her husband obeyed God.
  7. In what general ways do other people benefit when believers live holy, pure lives?

An Inspirational Thought:

The holiness we are to exhibit is not our own, but the holiness of Christ in us. We are not holy, and we will not become holy humans. Christ in us can manifest His holiness if we will yield our flesh to Him. This is not a human operation; it is a spiritual one. Jesus installs His holiness in us by grace. Not a once-for-all-time transaction, this is a daily, moment-by-moment striving to live more by the Spirit and less by the flesh.

… A friend bought his daughter a new car, but it must sit in the garage until she reaches the legal driving age. Until her sixteenth birthday she only has partial use of the car, when accompanied by an adult. Similarly, holiness is like a gift already purchased for us (by the blood of Christ), but we cannot have full use of it until a certain date in the future (our glorification).

Becoming holy is a process which includes God’s part and our part. On one hand, our part is to stay out of God’s part—to yield, to surrender, to stop seeking God on our own terms. But our part also is to obey. It is to enter His rehabilitation program.

When you put yourself under a doctor’s care, he cannot help you if you don’t follow his instructions. As the patient surrenders his own good ideas and obeys the doctor’s instruction, he becomes well. The same is true in sanctification. If you and I want to be made holy, then we must willingly surrender ourselves to His care, and we must also actively obey His instructions.

We have no more power to make ourselves holy than a dying man has to save himself. We are weak and tired, and we cannot offer much help. However, we can submit to His rehabilitation program—sanctification. The key to our part is faith—to seek Him in obedience.

(From Walking with Christ in the Details of Life by Patrick Morley)

  1. How can we demonstrate holiness with our lives? Some additional verses you may want to include are Ephesians 4:22-24 (put off the old self and put on the new self) and Paul describes what holy living looks like in Ephesians 4:25-32); 1 Timothy 2:1-4 (prayer, quiet living, godliness, dignity); Hebrews 12:14 (pursue peace, and sanctification).
  2. Why is it important to realize that becoming holy is a process, not a one-time event?
  3. What is God’s part and what is our responsibility in the sanctification process (Philippians 2:12-13)?
  4. Walking in his steps often leads to submission, and even to suffering. In spite of hardship, how might you choose this route?
  5. What is one area in the foreseeable future where you could practice Christ-like submission? And how will you do that?

If There’s Time:

  1. Why do we pay more attention to what people do than to what they say?
  2. List some ways we focus more on enhancing our outward appearance than developing our inner character.
  3. What about our lives will attract people to Christ?

More Bible passages on holy living, see Leviticus 11:44–45; 1 Corinthians 1:2, 30; 1 Thessalonians 4:3–7; 2 Timothy 1:8–9; Hebrews 10:10–14; 1 Peter 1:14–16; 2 Peter 3:11.

Being a Better Man

Gentlemen, perhaps you have seen the movie, As Good As It Gets, which has a scene where Jack Nicholson gives Helen Hunt “a compliment.” He fumbles around telling a disjointed story about how his “shrink” tells him about some pills, that if he is willing to take (which he HATES!) will improve his demeanor and personality for her. As he struggles to explain himself to her and her annoyance with him grows (because she does not understand how his story is a compliment for her), he finally says to her, “You make me want to be a better man.” (Check the video of the week).

So guys, I wonder, what is it that makes you want to be a better man? Is it…

  1. Your children
  2. Your wife
  3. Your frustration with work
  4. The addiction or habit that is kicking your tail
  5. Your appreciation for God’s mercy, protection, or provision on your life
  6. Your identification with Paul’s statement, “I am chief among sinners.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

We may have different motivations to want to be a better man, and the world may sell you all sorts of solutions for “better manhood,” but, the only true way to become a “better man” is to be on a journey with Jesus Christ. This journey with Christ isn’t easy. There are many distractions. It’s difficult to stay focused on that journey without the help of other men. That’s why Solomon told his sons, “As Iron Sharpens Iron so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17).

That’s why the Men of Steel exists. That’s why I write an encouraging word each week. That’s why on April 24th we are going to the Iron Sharpens Iron Conference in Richmond. Hundreds of men will be blessed and will begin or continue living as “better men” because they’ve chosen to walk with Christ and/or made connections with men and resources that can help them on their journey.

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A God-Shaped Hole in One

If you Google “Tiger Woods” right now, you will get around 40 million hits and over 7,000 news articles. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the kind of publicity he wants right now. The mainstream media is piling on and reporting anything they can get their hands on, and if you’re like me, you’re ready for this story to move along. Has anyone asked these women why they were spending time with a married man? They all appear to be victims of a predator, this most successful golf professional ever. They should be ashamed rather than coming forward and granting interviews. But of course, this story won’t go away anytime soon. We’ll be treated to headliner stories and sordid details that the (generally morbid) public wants to know; it’s like a shark feeding frenzy in bloody water. We’ll get theories, speculations, and allegations that may go on for weeks – even months.

Until, that is, somebody else in the spotlight pulls a different bigger-than-life train wreck that turns into the next exclusive for TMZ for all the gossip-loving Americans who want to read about the failures of others so they can feel better about themselves.

But it should be different for Christians. While it may be virtually impossible for us to escape the story, rather than judging or condemning, believers should focus on what God can teach us through Tiger’s transgressions. So, what can we take from the saddening saga of the Woods family?

First, look up. Our personal failures and spiritual breakdowns so often happen as a result of not keeping our focus on Jesus Christ. Here’s the way the writer of Hebrews puts it:

“Such a large crowd of witnesses is all around us! So we must get rid of everything that slows us down, especially the sin that just won’t let go. And we must be determined to run the race that is ahead of us. We must keep our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete.” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

I have no clue as to Tiger’s spiritual condition (Buddhism is his mother’s religion, and I read that Tiger says his religion has given him self awareness). While it is never our place to judge, and none of us really know him or even met him, we can evaluate the fruit of his life. This story reminds me that if I take my eyes off of Jesus, I’m headed for a crash that involves a lot more than a fire hydrant and a tree.

Second, look across. I mean look across the dinner table and across to the other side of your double bed. If you’re married, remember the reason you married her in the first place. Vows have been made, and even though life may get hard, you’ve made a commitment to her before God and your family to forsake all others. If the relationship is not what you expected, dismiss every thought of seeking satisfaction in any other place. Other women are totally off limits. [ read more about why marriages fall apart ]

Third, look within. Every man needs to take a long and serious look at himself in the mirror. We need to own up to the darkness that resides within, never saying that we would never get involved in something like this. Paul said that we should take heed lest we fall (1 Corinthians 10:11-13). When you look in your mirror, do you see another man standing near you, going through life with you, watching your back and getting in your face when you blow it?

Fourth, look around. There are people everywhere who carry a load of loneliness, emptiness, and even depression because their worldview tells them that contentment and happiness can be only be found through something material. Do we really need another story like this to be reminded that all the money, fame, success, and possessions in the universe still do not come close to providing a real and satisfying life? God created life, so doesn’t it follow that life without a relationship with Him is pretty lifeless?

King Solomon lived thousands of years ago and had more bank and bling than anyone has or probably ever will. He went on a materialistic journey for quite some time to see if he could find contentment and happiness with things here on earth. In fact, this is what he wrote:

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.” (Ecclesiastes 2:10).

In the end, he found himself in a darker place than he ever imagined and he came to the conclusion that without God everything is “meaningless.” Why? Here was his reasoning:

“He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

What Solomon is saying is that there is a “God-shaped hole” in each one of us and trying to fill this spiritual void with a thing, relationship or an experience is an absolute waste of time. What isn’t a waste of time is your pursuit of God. Here’s the promise from Jesus Christ:

“Behold! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends” (Revelation 3:20).

This “meal” He is referring to is a spiritual feast that no earthly possession or experience can rival. If you’ve trusted Christ, you already know this, but again, look around at all the people that are desperately looking to fill the eternity-sized empty space in their hearts. What they want is what Tiger Woods wants and it is what you have found: Jesus.

Don’t keep this great discovery to yourself – drive it down the fairway like you were playing for your life and the lives of your friends, because really, you are!

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Why Marriages Fall Apart

I hate to see marriages falling apart, and God is not fond of it either (Malachi 2:16). Take a look at Tiger Woods this past week; not that divorce is in his future, but it seems that his marriage is (to say the least) on the rocks. I am desperate to see the covenant of marriage taken seriously by the church and I pray that our teenagers, 20-somethings and young adults will be the generation that really begins to see marriage as God does.

So, Men of Steel, why do you think marriages fall apart? Let me suggest a few things…

Lack of Commitment: whenever a couple enters into marriage thinking, “Well, if this doesn’t work out then I will just…” we might as well say that the marriage isn’t going to work out. People need to stop planning for divorce even before the ceremony takes place. When vows are taken, those aren’t words that should be taken lightly. They are a promise, covenant and commitment before a holy and awesome God that should be prayed through and thoroughly thought through.

Unrealistic Expectations: I know people that once thought, “When I get married, then I will be happy!” But they’re still not happy! Too many couples enter into marriage thinking that somehow the other person is going to fill a void that only Jesus can fill. Your spouse is not going to make you happy, if you aren’t happy now.

Bad Counsel: it’s sad, but in America there are more people willing buy into what a talk show host (who perhaps has never been married) says about marriage than what the Bible says. Or, instead of seeking godly counsel when the marriage is in trouble they will surround themselves with people who will affirm their dysfunctional ideas rather than call them out. When we refuse to seek what Jesus says on an issue, it’s not going to go well.

Selfishness: whenever a person believes that marriage is all about “getting my needs met,” it’s over. Marriage is not someone else’s service opportunity but rather our opportunity to serve our spouse.

Laziness: couples date before marriage, and stop doing so soon after the ceremony. We’ve all heard the line, marriage takes work. I admit that am pretty guilty of being lazy, giving my best at work and then coming home and expecting Kim to be content with my leftovers. I know she’s not. That is why I believe that I need to be dating after marriage, even more than I dated before the marriage. If a man stops pursuing, and the woman stops responding, I suspect that is a recipe for trouble.

No Communication: many couples will talk about one another rather than to one another. If a couple wants to see success in marriage then they must be willing to have serious, heart to heart conversations, even when you know it’s not going to be easy.

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Five Questions to Ask Your Wife

I recently read a blog that had five questions that a husband should ask his wife that would communicate to her just how much he really cares for her. It is my goal to ask these questions this weekend…

What is the most romantic thing that I’ve ever done for you? You might be surprised! When we get married we think about “wowing” her by taking her to nice places and spending lots of money, but in reality it may be the little things that communicate to her how special she is.

What is something fun we can do together? Men, our definition of fun and hers is usually completely different. One of the things about most women is that they want to feel connected to their husbands, to feel like they matter and are important, and one of the ways they do that is by simply having fun. It’s not about taking her to something that you like doing. It’s about asking her what she wants to do, and then making that happen. It proves to her that you care.

What is one thing I can do for you this week that will relieve stress from your life? Men, we have no idea how much stress our lady carries around with her, and because she is a woman (thus everything is connected to everything) we should be willing to do all we can to relieve stress from her life. This may include giving her an afternoon to herself, without the kids. It may include you cooking dinner one night or cleaning up afterwards. Whatever it takes, do it!

How Can I Pray For You? It is amazing the number of men that will not ask their wife this question. We are called to lead our homes spiritually, which means we should provide protection and direction. When she asks you to pray for something specific, we must resist the temptation to go ahead and be the answer to her prayer by solving the problem she’s bringing to your attention. She asked you to pray–not fix it. I know we have a tendency to try to fix everything, but she doesn’t want us to fix her problem, she wants you to listen to her.

If you could change one thing about our marriage–what would it be? This one takes guts! We think we are the perfect match for her, and all is well. But she can give you some really great insight into what she considered to be important, and we should be motivated to work as hard as we can to honor her request.

Ephesians 5:25 says we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church…

  • He never stops loving the church
  • He never stops pursuing the church
  • He always comes home for the church
  • He never cheats on the church
  • He provides for the church
  • He never stops thinking about the church
  • He takes the church seriously

I am definitely not the perfect husband, but more and more I am realizing that my marriage not about what I deserve or can get out of it, it’s all about what I can give to her and how I can serve her. As men of God we should go all out to show the world how awesome Jesus is through loving our bride like He loves His.

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Top Reasons for Staying Together

I recently read about a professional counselor writing the top 20 reasons he hears on why couples stay together in their marriages:

 

  1. My spouse and I are best friends.
  2. We enjoy our time together.
  3. I like my spouse as a person.
  4. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
  5. My spouse is interested in me as a person.
  6. Marriage is sacred.
  7. We have common dreams and goals.
  8. Children need a stable home.
  9. My spouse is positive and builds me up.
  10. I want the relationship to succeed.
  11. We respect and appreciate each other.
  12. My spouse encourages my personal growth.
  13. We laugh together.
  14. I trust my spouse.
  15. We have a positive sexual life.
  16. We have built a secure and comfortable life together.
  17. My spouse accepts me for who I am.
  18. We have shared beliefs and interests.
  19. We communicate well.
  20. I respect my spouse.

 

Here are the top passages of Scripture that focus on marriage:

 

  1. Marriage is instututed by God (Genesis 2:18-25)
  2. Companionship and intimacy are at the heart of marriage (Genesis 2:18, 24)
  3. Marriage parallels the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:23, 31-32)
  4. The husband is the head of the home (Ephesians 5:23) and exercises that role in love (Colossians 3:19)
  5. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25)
  6. The husband is to treat his wife with respect, which has consequences on his spiritual life (1 Peter 3:7)
  7. The husband must manage his household well (1 Timothy 3:4)
  8. The husband and father is responsible for the training of children (Ephesians 6:4)
  9. God’s design is that the wife be a suitable helper for the husband (Gen 2:18)
  10. Husbands and wifes practice submission as the Church submits to Christ (Ephesians 5:21, 22-24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1-2)
  11. The Bible describes a noble woman (Proverbs 31:10-31)
  12. Fear of God is more important than physical beauty (Proverbs 31:30, 1 Peter 3:3-4)
  13. The couple must not fight and devour one another (Galatians 5:15)
  14. The couple must quickly persue peace (Matthew 5:23-24, Romans 12:18)
  15. A house divided against itself cannot stand (Matthew 12:25)
  16. Parents must keep loving those who are wayward (2 Samuel 18:33 – after all Absalom did to David).

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30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 30

Day Thirty:

I was filled with delight day after day. (Proverbs 8:30)

Today is the final day of the challenge! How did it go? Was it harder than you expected or easier? Did you see fruit for your labor? I certainly hope so.

Now that you’ve completed the 30 days, don’t stop there. Take what you have learned and apply it to the next 30 days and the 30 days after that and the 30 days after that until you have applied it for 10 or 20 or 50 years.

Use the knowledge and insight you have gained to keep your marriage fresh. The vows you made to your wife before God are too valuable to let crumble without doing everything in your power to keep it together.

Pray without ceasing that God will continue to show you how to encourage your wife. Look at your wife with fresh eyes every day. See who she is and who she is becoming. Notice how your love and affection toward her are returned to you tenfold.

Find joy in each day that you have together. When you start to falter in your commitment, pick up this challenge and work through it again. You have the blueprint; it is up to you to build the house.

Your challenge for today and forever: Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love. Ecclesiastes 9:9


* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 29

Day Twenty-nine:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Just as your marriage has undergone changes since your wedding day, you and your wife will continue to change physically, spiritually, and emotionally as the years bring new joys and new challenges.

As you age, the beauty and vigor of youth will be replaced by grace and strength of character unknown to younger generations. Do not be deceived by the beauty and charm of youth; there is no fountain of youth except for the renewal that only God can give (Isaiah 40:31).

Just as Moses’ face glowed when he met with God face to face (Exodus 34:35), your wife’s countenance will take on a new glow as she walks with God, feels your love in new ways, and trusts you as the spiritual leader of your home. Your love will take on new dimensions and praise will pour forth from your lips without working at it.

Commit to the ground rules of this 30 day challenge for the rest of your life. Let nothing and no one deceive you and cause you to doubt the vows of marriage that you have spoken. The road may be long and it may be hard at times, but the prize is a life of no regrets and a love that knows no end.

You’ve had some serious days recently. It’s time again to have some fun and make playing together an integral part of your marriage. Get outside, ride a bike, go out for ice cream, put together a puzzle, play a game. Find something that both you and your wife enjoy doing and take time to do it together.

If this time of play takes away from other things your wife wants/needs to get done, help her complete her tasks either before or after your play so she can feel more relaxed and enjoy your time together.


* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 28

Day Twenty-eight:

The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Genesis 2:18

Some men and women have a very narrow view of what a “helper” is. A helper can be someone who cooks meals and washes the dishes, or someone who takes care of the children. A helper can be someone who stands by to hand over tools when they are needed to complete a project.

A helper can be someone who stands by to take care of anything that might have been left undone. A helper can also be someone who has strengths in areas in which you have weaknesses. She can be an extrovert to your introvert; she can have a sense of color and style to your T-shirt and blue jeans; she can make lists and carry out tasks while you see the big picture and are already looking past this project to the next one.

Sometimes husbands and wives get annoyed by their differences, but quite often God brings together two people who are very different so they can work together to be whole, to be one (Genesis 2:24).

In what ways does your helper, your wife, “complete” you? How do your strengths and weaknesses work together to make an unbeatable team?

Rejoice in the differences that make your marriage work. Ask your wife how she sees the strengths and weaknesses that you each have working together. Talk about how you and your marriage are stronger because she is your helper who completes you.


* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 27

Day Twenty-seven:

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

For reasons that women often find hard to understand, very few men have close friends – especially friends that will hold them accountable and help them grow in the Lord.

Pray that God will bring such a man into your life and that you can be that kind of man to someone else.

Reach out to a godly man and ask him to be your accountability partner. Meet together regularly to encourage one another in your walk with Christ, your marriage, and the many other responsibilities that you have.

You will glorify God and gain spiritual, emotional, and even physical strength by meeting together with another godly man regularly.


* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com