Category: Leadership

Connecting Always Requires Energy

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Connecting with others always requires energy; just think of how many low-energy relationship you have. Even if they come off as low energy, they usually possess a reserve of energy that is not evident on the surface.

They Get Out of it What You Put into it: It is important to move toward people emotionally and relationally. The more you put into your lesson, the more they will get out of it. It is very important to not wait until Saturday to compose your lesson. Begin early in the week, reading the passage and contemplating the key points of the lesson. Pray about how the information you learn will translate into a life applicable lesson for your students. When you know your material, you will have greater confidence when you walk into the room, and you will have a good idea about the time it will take to share and discuss the lesson.

Remember Key Events in the Lives of your Students: It is good to have personal information about birthdays, anniversaries, family names, even school activities and schedules. Try to create new memories by spending time together and celebrating special events.

Work at Remembering Names: It seems so simple but it is imperative if your goal is knowing your students. It is also a great way to learn names, introducing them to other people. The more people they meet the more chances they have to connect with others.

You’ve Got to Bring it: John Maxwell writes about four unpardonable sins of a communicator, and it takes energy to do each of these.

  1. Being unprepared.
  2. Being uncommitted.
  3. Being uninteresting.
  4. Being uncomfortable.

Ten Tips to Becoming a Magnificent Mingler (communication coach Susan RoAne):

  1. Possess the ability to make others feel comfortable.
  2. Appear to be confident and at ease.
  3. Have the ability to laugh at themselves (not at others).
  4. Show interest in others; maintaining eye contact, self-disclose, ask questions and actively listen.
  5. Extend themselves to others; they lean into the greeting with a firm handshake and a smile.
  6. Convey a sense of energy and enthusiasm.
  7. Are well rounded, well informed and well mannered.
  8. Prepare stories of actual occurrences that are interesting, humorous and appropriate.
  9. Introduce people to each other with an infectious enthusiasm that motivates conversation between others.
  10. Convey respect and genuinely like people, which is the core of communicating.

Five Proactive Ways to Use Energy for Connecting: One does not need to be a high energy person or an extrovert to master this energy. I am officially an introvert, but I force myself to behave like an extrovert at times. The issue is how one recharges. Introverts recharge in solitude and peacefulness while extroverts draw energy from being around people.

1. Connecting Requires Initiative: It is important to go first. Wal-mart has a wonderful strategy when it comes to connecting – “Every time a person comes within ten feet of me, I will smile, look at him in the eye and greet him.” Initiative is to any relationship what a lighted match is to a candle. Those that do not connect in our classes are likely not taking a first step toward others, so it is our responsibility to go first. Maxwell says that if you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing anything for anybody. Try to find ways to help others. Grateful people are generally much easier to connect with. Initiating a conversation with someone often feels awkward. Offering to help someone risks rejection. Giving to someone can lead to misunderstanding. Those who connect go ahead and do what the rest of us never quite get around to.

2. Connecting Requires Clarity: It is imperative that we prepare.

We prepare personally by knowing ourselves. We all have weaknesses and shortcomings, but we cannot give what we do not have, we cannot teach what we do not know, we cannot share what we do not feel. If someone is prepared for the little challenges of life, we should be ready for the bigger challenges.

We prepare for our people by knowing our class. Connecting begins with people. The more you know about your people the better you will be at connecting with them.

  1. Who are they?
  2. What do they care about?
  3. Where do they come from?
  4. Why did they decide to attend the class?
  5. Why are they in the room today?
  6. What do I have that I can offer them?
  7. How do they want to feel when the class is finished?

We prepare professionally by knowing our stuff. Situations where we teach, speak or lead, we must be prepared professionally. We must know what we are talking about. As teachers, we must prepare days in advance for the lesson to come across with power.

3. Connecting Requires Patience: It is important to slow down. We live in an impatient culture and moving at the pace of others can be very exhausting. When we slow down we can move at someone else’s pace. Good connectors don’t always run the fastest, but they are able to take others with them. They are able to set aside their own agenda to include others.

4. Connecting Requires Selflessness: In life there are people who take and those who give. One’s spirit is renewed by a teacher with a giving spirit. Even if you have said something before, people receive it well when you are a giver, but they will tire quickly if you are a taker. The giver is the person who teaches out of love, grace, gratitude, compassion, and passion.

5. Connecting Requires Stamina: It is essential to recharge. Teaching can be taxing physically, mentally and emotionally. It is important to recognize and avoid the leaks that drain us. We also must be intentional about our personal renewal.

Summary:
Connecting Principle: Connecting always requires energy.
Key Concept: The larger the larger the group, the more energy it takes to connect.

Practical Steps:

  1. Before class, go to each person and introduce yourself or greet the members.
  2. Ask questions and find out information about your class members.
  3. If people are not opening up in the discussion, you might talk about their uniqueness and how it relates to the topic.
  4. Remember that preparation brings energy, and passion, which comes from conviction, brings energy.

Connecting Goes Beyond Words

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Two singers perform a song; one leaves the audience with goose bumps, the other leaves the people cold. Two professors teach the same class; for one the students stand in an hour long registration line, the other class dwindles to a few students. Two mangers work in a restaurant; for one the employees are willing to but in overtime, while the other only gets excuses why they can’t stay late. Why is this a fact? What is the difference?

You’re Actions Speak So Loudly, I Can’t Hear Your Words: Verbal and nonverbal messages are not consistent. What people see us do and the tone we use can far outweigh any words we say while we are trying to communicate.

  1. What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed.
  2. The way we saying accounts for 38 percent.
  3. What others see accounts for 55 percent.

If we believe that communication is all about words, we are missing the boat and will have a hard time connecting with others.

All communication has three essential components:

  1. Intellectual – something we know.
  2. Emotional – something we feel.
  3. Action – something we do.

If we fail to include any one of the three, there will be a breakdown in communication:

  1. Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.
  2. Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.
  3. Something I feel but do not know, my communication is unfounded.
  4. Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.
  5. Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.
  6. Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.

The Characteristics of Connection: Any message you try to convey must contain a piece of you. You must be the message you want to deliver. It is difficult to try and communicate someone else’s vision. It’s hard to get excited when you’re presenting someone’s else’s ideas. To gain credibility you have to make it your vision; discover how the vision impacts you personally.

Teachers can fall into this trap when they teach right out of the quarterly. While the message is believed, we can be dispassionate about the subject if we cannot relate it to life. We must allow the lesson to flow from our own lives. That will make a greater connection. Remember that nothing happens through you until it happens to you.

Communication Checklist:

  1. Integrity – did I do my best?
  2. Expectation – did I please my students?
  3. Relevance – did I understand and relate to my students?
  4. Value – did I add value to my students?
  5. Application – did I give my students a game plan?
  6. Change – did I make a difference today?

The Four Components of Connection: Communication goes beyond words.

Connecting visually – What People See: Sight is the most powerful sense in communication, we remember 85-90 percent of what we see but less than 15 percent of what we hear. It is helpful to bring in visual aids when teaching; a movie clip, a prop, or a photograph. We are a visual society, getting news from TV and online, watching YouTube, Facebook, PowerPoint, video games and movies. They say that we have only seven seconds to make the right first impression.

  1. Eliminate personal distractions – proper grooming and clothing will help people focus on your message more than your appearance.
  2. Expand your range of expression – actors can tell much of a story without saying a single word. If your face is going to talk for you anyway, you might as well communicate something positive.
  3. Move with a sense of purpose – Don’t wander aimlessly into the room, have confidence that you have a message to share and your students are lucky to be present today. Let them see your eagerness. Move closer to the students, and don’t allow a natural barrier get between you and the students. Let them feel your energy and excitement.
  4. Pay attention to your surroundings – Take an inventory of your room to discover any clutter or obstacles to your communication. Check the lighting, and the sounds around you.

Connecting Intellectually – What People Understand: Two things are necessary; you must know your subject and know yourself. This is the difference between a good teachers and someone who knows what he’s talking about. I read a story about an event where people were asked to recite their favorite passage of Scripture. One man read the 23rd Psalm, and the audience applauded at the performance. An elderly woman who had dosed off was asked to share her passage and she recited the same psalm, and the audience was in tears. The man was asked, “What was the difference?? He replied, “I know the psalm, she knows the Shepherd.”

You also have to know yourself. You need to have confidence in your abilities. Training is always a great way to increase your abilities and confidence. When you find yourself, you find your audience.

Connecting Emotionally – What People Feel: Great leaders and teachers win over the hearts and minds of others. Notice that we don’t win the minds, or even win the minds and hearts. The heart comes first. Teachers should not rely too much on their intellect to persuade others; logical arguments and apologetics does not work if we do not capture their hearts first. Remember that people will hear your words but they feel your attitude. It’s probably why some people have charisma and others don’t; some believe it is due to personality, John Maxwell says it is more a function of attitude. Charismatic people focus on others, are outward, pat attention to others, and desire to add value to them.

Connecting Verbally – What People Hear: To make an impact we must pay close to attention to what we say and how we say it. Pay attention to pace of speech, tone, background noise; we learn through experience how to hear more than just the words in order to connect to others.

Summary:
Connecting Principle: Connecting goes beyond words.
Key Concept: The more you go beyond the words, the greater the chance you will connect with other people.

Practical Steps:

  1. Connect verbally by giving the other person your complete attention.
  2. Connect intellectually by asking questions, listening carefully, and paying attention to what is not being said; by investing in the growth of your students.
  3. Connect emotionally through appropriate touch with boundaries; by honoring students’ efforts and rewarding hard work; and through facial expressions, humor and tears.
  4. Connect visually by setting the example so the group can see you live what you teach; and by smiling.

Connecting is All About Others

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John Maxwell tells the story of traveling in South America and using a tour guide to point out various sites. It appeared the man was not too excited about showing off the wonderful ruins and landscape; perhaps he was all too familiar that he lost the wonder of such ancient history. You’ve probably heard a similar speech, perhaps even at a theme park attraction; the memorized speech. Sometimes what they have to say is much more important than the people they are hired to serve. Any questions can be an inconvenience to the guide, a situation that does not place any value on the tourists.

A Good Guide Draws Others In: Those who don’t get it will often see themselves as the center of the conversation. What they have to say is more important than those to whom they are speaking. Do we see the parallel to teachers yet? We have a message to share, but the message is not the most important part of the small group experience, it’s all about the people.

Self-centered Teachers Seem to Share a Common Philosophy: “Ram it in – jam it in, students’ heads are hollow. Cram it in – slam it in, there is more to follow.” Good teachers, leaders and speakers don’t see themselves as experts with passive audiences they need to impress. Nor do they see their interests as most important. They see themselves as guides and focus on helping others to learn.

Sometimes when we deal with people we want them to hurry up and finish telling us their problem so we can give the solution. Perhaps we are not really listening because we are consumed with formulating our response to what they are saying. I saw a cartoon that has a man talking to a co-worker in an office setting, and he says, “There is no I in TEAM, but there is an M and an E, and that spells ME.” It’s really hard to get others interested and involved when we are me focused. When a leader attempts to cast a vision, he has to be focused on others.

Zig Ziglar once said, “If you will first help people to get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” Interaction with others is essential to communication. It is best to focus on others instead of our own needs.

It’s Not About Me: Connecting is never about us, it is about the person with whom we are communicating. We must change the focus from inward to outward.

Immaturity: When we are young, we do not see the big picture, that comes with maturity. Donald Miller says immaturity is like thinking life is a movie in which you are the star. That which we do is often all about us. Maturity is the ability to see and to act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t think about someone else’s point of view.

Property Law as Viewed by a Toddler – by Michael W. Hernandez:

  1. If I like it, it’s mine.
  2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
  3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
  4. If I had it a while ago, it’s mine.
  5. If it looks like it’s mine, it’s mine.
  6. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
  7. If I can see it, it’s mine.
  8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
  9. If I need it, it’s mine.
  10. If I say it’s mine, it’s mine.
  11. If you don’t stop me from playing with it, it’s mine.
  12. If you tell me I can play with it, it’s mine.
  13. If it will upset me too much when you take it from me, it’s mine.
  14. If I can play with it better than you, it’s mine.
  15. If you are playing with it and put it down, it’s mine.
  16. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Remember that maturity does not come with age; sometimes age comes alone.

Ego: Sometimes teachers can develop an unhealthily strong ego, which is a disproportionate sense of their own self-importance. Professional speakers and pastors need to be on guard because they might be looking for compliments after the message is over; positive strokes that say I did good or to validate my performance or competence. Maxwell says that no one can connect with others with this sort of attitude.

Failure to Value Everyone: As teachers we are to make this a priority, to value those in our classes. To succeed in life, we need to learn how to work with and through others. Maxwell tells the story of a Japanese businessman who was asked the most important trade language. Expecting to hear “English,” the response came, “The language of my customer.” Having a good product or service is not enough. Knowing your product but not your customers is like having something to sell but no one to buy.

As teachers, we must speak a language that clearing communicates the message. You can also talk to others until you’re blue in the face but people know in their if your really care about them. Are you a teacher who if fully invested in your class? Do you team teach? If so, are you also in the room the weeks you don’t teach? How do your students know that you really are invested in them if you drive by one week and then are out of their world for the next few weeks?

Insecurity: This is a sure fire reason that people will spend more time on themselves than on others. Ken Blanchard has developed a model of leadership based on the greatest leader ever to walk the planet, Jesus. He says that if a leader is Edging God Out, he will lead in one of two ways. He will either lead out of pride or out of fear. Fear manifests itself as insecurity. It says, “If these people only knew that I am not really qualified or capable to lead this group or teach on this topic, they would not follow me.”

A Matter of Connection: I read about a coffee business that changed it’s focus. While many people might believe that they are in the coffee business serving people, they are really in the people business serving coffee. That’s a great image and change of perspective.

Three Questions People are Asking About You: The point is, we must be able to communicate the attitude of selflessness.

Do you care for me? Your most important life experiences likely involve those who care about you the most. Mutual concern creates connection between people. When we learn to care about others, we learn to connect with them. Connecting with others by caring for them goes beyond profession.

  1. Business: “You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is nobody.” (Les Giblin, former national salesman of the year)
  2. Politics: “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” (Abraham Lincoln)
  3. Entertainment: “Some singers want the audience to love them. I love the audience.” (Luciano Pavarotti)
  4. Ministry: “ I get a speech over with because I love people and want to help them.” (Norman Vincent Peale)

Calvin Miller says, when most people listen to others speak, they are silently thinking:

  1. I am lonely wanting a friend.
  2. I am weeping and want of laughter.
  3. I am sigh in search of consolation.
  4. I am wound in search of healing.
  5. If you want to unlock my attention, you have to convince me that you want to be my friend.

People live better when they care about one another.

Can You Help Me? There is an old saying in sales: “Nobody wants to be sold, everyone wants to be helped.” By helping others we often can help ourselves. As we lift others we receive a blessing and are then lifted up. In sales, I read that we are to focus on benefits rather than features. A feature may be irrelevant to the needs and interests of your audience. A benefit, by definition, is always relevant.

It is a difficult task to create a thirst for learning in your students. Many times we focus on the features (theology and theory) rather than the benefit (guidance in life, peace in your relationships, strength to withstand temptation, purpose and mission). People are bombarded with information and features. To get their attention you need to show you can help.

Can I Trust You? Have you ever bought a car? How was that experience? Much of the industry is designed to keep customers off balance, skeptical and suspicious. Trust is vital to life; it’s more important than love in relationships. Businesses want to create raving fans. These are customers who are loyal to the company or the brand. They recommend the store to their friends. If someone has a positive buying experience, they will even come back from out of state to someone they trust. When the members of our classes become raving fans, we have connected with them.

Summary:
Connecting Principle: Connecting is all about others.
Key Concept: Connecting begins when the other person feels valued.

Practical Steps:

  1. Be a good listener when with other people.
  2. Ask good questions to discover what they value.
  3. Discover shared values and build the relationship based on those values.
  4. Acknowledge people’s strengths and potential contribution.
  5. Invite input and allow others to lead in their area of strength.
  6. Express appreciation for others.
  7. Do something special for your people.

Connecting Increases Your Influence

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In February, King’s Grant is taking a bold step toward developing leaders and securing potential leaders. For three consecutive Wednesday evenings at 6:00, beginning February 2, I will have the opportunity to guide the student and adult leadership in the art and science of connecting with other people. As a text, I will use John Maxwell’s book called, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People do Differently.

Connecting Can Make You or Break You: People cannot succeed in life without communicating effectively. It is not just about working harder. It’s not enough to just do a great job, to be successful you need to learn how to really communicate with others.

Connecting is the Key: Good communication and leadership is all about connecting. If you connect with others, you will have stronger relationships, improved community, increased teamwork, increased influence and your effectiveness will grow.

Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.

Connecting is Critical for Leaders: The best leaders are always the best connectors. The Harvard Business Review stated that the number one criteria for advancement and promotion for professionals is the ability to communicate effectively.

Presidential historian Robert Dallek says there are five qualities that enable them to achieve things that others don’t: vision, pragmatism, consensus building, charisma and trustworthiness. Four of these are related to the ability to communicate on multiple levels.

  1. Vision is the ability to describe what they are doing.
  2. Consensus is the ability to persuade others to come along with them.
  3. Charisma is the ability to connect on a personal level.
  4. Trust is the ability to demonstrate credibility, doing what they say they will do.

The Courage to Change: Reinhold Nieburh is famous for making popular the Serenity Prayer; “God grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

  1. There are things that we can change, but often don’t know how to change.
  2. Often our coping skills are greater than our connecting skills.
  3. We need to make a difference, not just know how to make a difference.
  4. We need courage to change things rather than simply accept the status quo.

It Starts with Your Attitude: The ability to connect with others begins with understanding the value of people.

High Achievers:

  1. Care about people as well as profits.
  2. View subordinates optimistically.
  3. Seek advice from those under them.
  4. Listen well to others.

Average Achievers:

  1. Concentrate on production.
  2. Focus more on their own status.
  3. Are reluctant to seek advice from those under them.
  4. Listen only to superiors.

Low Achievers:

  1. Are preoccupied with their own security.
  2. Show a basic distrust of subordinates.
  3. Don’t seek advice.
  4. Avoid communication and rely on policy manuals.

To Be Effective, We Must Connect: We can always learn to get better at what we do, and to do this we must connect better.

Principles of Connecting:

  1. Focus on others.
  2. Expand your connecting vocabulary beyond just words.
  3. Develop your energy for connecting.
  4. Gain insight on how great communicators connected.

Practical Skills of Connection:

  1. Finding common ground.
  2. Making your communication simple.
  3. Capturing the interest of people.
  4. Inspiring people.
  5. Being authentic.

Summary:
Connecting Principle – Connecting increases your influence in every situation.
Key Concept – The smaller the group, the more important it is to connect.

Practical Steps:

  1. Talk more about other people and less about yourself.
  2. Look for ways to be of service to others.
  3. Look for ways to compliment others.
  4. Look for ways to add value to others.
  5. Don’t take credit when the group succeeds; don’t cast blame when it doesn’t.
  6. Find ways to celebrate together.

Let others know that your time with them is your highest priority that day.

Leaders Must Guard Their Integrity

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As men, we must constantly be on guard in walking with integrity. People are looking even when we think they are not. More than likely, all of us have broken some sacred trust, perhaps to our wife, kids, or close friend. It’s not easy to live up to the expectations of others, but we break trust by not living up to the standard we have set for others. Hypocrisy might be an accurate word. King David is one of my favorite men in the Bible; he was so great in the eyes of God and men, but he was also so stupid at times.

The life of King David was filled with numerous triumphs, conquests, and successes. He took down Goliath all by himself with a sling and a stone. He wrote many of the psalms from which we find comfort in our times of difficulty. He led the nation of Israel and was considered by many to be its greatest leader. But he had a darker side that was eventually exposed by the prophet Nathan. Surely the sins of David would find him out.

I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. — 2 Samuel 12:8-9

David also learned a harsh lesson about the importance of trust. While sitting on his rooftop one day (2 Samuel 11:2) when he should have been at war (2 Samuel 11:1), he saw Bathsheba bathing and sent for her. This act led to adultery, the murder of Uriah the Hittite, and a cover-up of the whole situation (2 Samuel 11:14-15). Only when the prophet Nathan confronted David about his actions did the king ask God for forgiveness (2 Samuel 12:7, 8, 9, 13). However, the Lord did not let David off easy. The child he fathered with Bathsheba died (2 Samuel 12:14), there was a constant threat of murder in his family (2 Samuel 12:11-12), and his son Absalom caused David problems until he was killed in battle (2 Samuel 18:9, 14-15).

When someone is trusted with a leadership role, they are given the opportunity to use their talents, time, and influence for causes bigger than themselves. As they make good decisions while showing integrity and concern for others, they earn trust. John Maxwell says this is like putting change in your pocket. When a man betrays that trust, it becomes difficult to regain. The leader has to pay some of their change back to the people. When someone runs out of change, trust is gone. When trust is gone, the leader ceases to be a leader.

King David’s story should serve as a reminder of the importance of trust and how quickly it can disappear. Men, allow God to mold and refine your character so that your decisions will inspire others to trust your abilities.

A New Year with the Basics

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I trust you all had a safe New Year weekend. As we start 2011, the Men of Steel desire to be the strong leaders God intends for us to be, so perhaps your resolution may have been to become a better leader and example to those around you. No one gets strong without the preparation it takes to build up that strength. I like this verse:

“Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it. 1 Timothy 4:8-9

Each year, people from around the world compete for the title of the world’s strongest man. These competitions are held in exotic locations and feature events like placing heavy stone orbs on top pillars, lifting large numbers of children on one’s back, and pulling double-decker buses down a street (sometimes by their teeth). The strength and determination of these contestants are second to none, but for them to get to the world championships, they have to be disciplined in the way they train, the foods they eat, and the way they recover from injuries. If any one of these three aspects is neglected, the results could be disastrous.

Christians are not typically known for carrying 300-pound weights long distances, but their feats of strength are equally remarkable. I have read stories about people being healed of sickness and disease, families being reunited, and individuals surrendering their lives to Christ. As leaders, there has to be a constant habit of spiritual training. The apostle Paul understood this and made sure Timothy got the message.

The routine is pretty straightforward:

  1. Talk to God, the Lord of heaven and earth, daily.
  2. Tell him your needs and the needs of others.
  3. Thank him for his answers
  4. Let him know how wonderful he is.
  5. Get to know Christ better by reading the Bible.
  6. Learn what your spiritual talents are and begin to use them.
  7. Spend time with other followers, encouraging and challenging them to become more like Christ.
  8. As opportunities arise, tell those who don’t know Jesus about him and his love for them.
  9. Repeat daily.

If properly followed, this outline will provide a lifetime’s worth of challenge and excitement. It’s time to get serious about the faith. It’s time to become truly strong. It’s time to get disciplined.

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Leaders are Encouragers

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I received word today that our new Director of Children’s Ministries went to visit a newborn and her family, taking a gift and making a timely visit to the whole family. I am reminded of the ministry of the church, to be involved in the lives of others; that’s called fellowship. There are days and weeks where we all have so much on our plates, and these types of opportunities for encouragement often fall through the cracks.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. (Philippians 2:1, 2)

John Maxwell once wrote that there is a difference between being a leader and being a manager. He often points out that management focuses on maintaining systems and processes, while leadership is about “influencing people to follow.” One way to cultivate such influence is quite simple: Influence involves sincerely caring about other people.

I sent hand written notes to two men who just returned from military deployments. Last week I was able to send an e-mail to someone at work who was having a birthday. Can you send a card at an appropriate time? A kind word can mean a lot. If somebody is struggling with an issue (or with life in general), simply sitting and listening can be worth more than any words that may come to mind. And don’t forget prayer, for “the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” (James 5:16).

Encouragement isn’t just for those who know Christ; all people need to hear positive words, especially the words that tell of One who died for us so that we can have eternal life. Let’s strive to be an encouragement to all we come in contact with daily. How will you influence someone else today?

Leaders Exercise Self-Control

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Paul addresses the issue of self-control in the list of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and it appears that her ends the list with the one quality that just might hold all the others together.

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. (Proverbs 25:28)

In ancient times, cities were often surrounded by walls for their protection. If those walls were breached in any way, the city became vulnerable to attack from all sorts of enemies and invading armies. The maintenance of city walls was of constant concern. Nehemiah heard about the walls of Jerusalem being broken down and his soul was so deeply troubled that he wept, mourned and fasted for days (Nehemiah 1:3, 4).

Proverbs 25:28 compares self-control to a city wall. When we maintain self-control, we keep ourselves safe from forces that would drag us down, attack our weaknesses, and prey on our failures. The Bible warns us that losing our self-control can lead to disastrous results. We may have tendencies to lose our tempers easily, gossip about neighbors or coworkers, or criticize those in authority. We may have an unhealthy desire to own lots of stuff, an addiction toward food, or an obsession with television. A careless word, a broken promise, or a disrespectful action is an outward sign that our inner wall of self-control has collapsed. Weak self-control makes us vulnerable to living a life of hypocrisy, and then we lose all credibility as a witness to the freedom and joy we have in Christ.

Developing self-control is not just a matter of “willing” right behavior. We all have experienced the “just do it” break-down. We decide that we will finally regain control of a certain personal weakness only to find a few days later that we have fallen once again to that temptation. Self-control is not as simple as just “doing it” or “not doing it.” Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit desires to guide our lives. Only he can overcome our sinful desires and build self-control. As we turn our daily routine over to the direction of the Holy Spirit, we will find that we are more often able to resist those things that used to prey on our weaknesses. It is with the power of the Holy Spirit alone that our walls of self-control can be securely maintained.

Application: Take an inventory of your life and pinpoint your areas of weakness. Allow the Holy Spirit access to your desires, attitudes and lifestyle, and have the courage to make changes as needed. It’s one thing to desire the Spirit to control us, it is another to allow the Spirit to control us. Take courage, self-control is a life long process of God working on us to conform us to the image of his Son. Make progress each and every day. Rejoice in the victories and seek forgiveness and reconciliation when you fail. Encourage one another because there is strength in numbers!As you lead, take others along with you; pass on the qualities of leadership that God teaches you.

Leaders Ask Application Questions

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The point of this post is to challenge leaders and teachers. To be effective in leading your class, make sure to ask application questions that lead your group to spiritual growth. This is perhaps one of the most quoted passages in the Bible Study business:

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. (James 1:22-25)

To study the Bible, or to take a class on prayer, or discuss compassion for the poor but not do anything about what one has learned, is a waste of time.

The Word of God holds up a mirror in which we can see our own face: our character, values, attitudes, and habits. It offers us a perspective on our situation and relationships that we can’t get on our own. It also opens up a window into the realm of God, in which we see the face of Christ looking back at us. We get to compare our face to that of Christ, noting the similarities and differences. The Bible promises that we can change (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Extensive psychotherapy doesn’t change most people all that much. When change does happen, something on the order of a miracle is occurring. But the gospel insists that the Spirit of God (through the Word of God and with the help of the people of God) can and will perform this miracle in any person willing to cooperate.

So many study groups settle for educating people about God and the Christian life, but they don’t believe it’s possible for them to really become like Jesus. People like the idea in theory, but the actual process scares them.

  1. Do we really want to take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror, week after week? Can we bear to see and examine the face of Christ?
  2. Do we really want to give up our familiar paths and strike out on the uncharted territory of God’s ways?
  3. Do we really want the Spirit breaking up our concrete habits with a jackhammer?

Likely, your group contains decent people who sort of want to follow Christ but aren’t all that eager to see their lives disrupted. They are busy people who have jobs, families, bills, and housework that don’t leave them hours and hours to contemplate Christ and their lives. Discussion questions that invite them to apply the Word of God to their lives need to take into account both the mandate of the gospel (big changes) and the realities of the human condition (big obstacles to change).

Go Slow and Deep: People who are asked to take drastic action too often and in too many different directions eventually go numb in order to survive. Consider the person who hears a Sunday sermon, reads the Bible even once or twice a week, and attends Sunday School each week. If this person encounters three, four, or more calls in one week to change drastically, it’s overwhelming. Over time, people learn to tune out the guilt feelings triggered by such calls.

In your small group, learn to ask, “So what?” regularly and systematically, but ask, “Now what?” sparingly, yet with focus and detail.

  1. “So what?” invites group members to think about the implications of what they are studying. “Now what?” asks them to take action individually or together, to do something concrete about those implications.
  2. “So what?” is theoretical, general application. “Now what?” is practical, specific application.
  3. “So what?” helps people think an issue through. “Now what?” guides them step by step in a realistic plan to be doers of the Word.
  4. “So what?” questions work in at least two dimensions.
    1. The first dimension is when: helping the group bridge the gap between when the passage was written (then) and our current situation today (now).
    2. The second dimension is who: discerning how a passage applies to people in general, to them as individuals, or to them as a group.

Then and Now: One common error in Bible study is to assume that something God told someone to do in 605 B.C. is what God wants each of us to do today. A related error is to assume that God wants us to imitate everything the first Christians did without regard to the differences of situation. These errors overlook the fact that God deals both in timeless principles and in unique situations.

  1. “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3) is a timeless principle.
  2. “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household” (Genesis 12:1) is an instruction to a particular person, Abram.

When we get the particular and the timeless confused:

  1. We may conclude that God wants all men everywhere to be circumcised and all women everywhere to cover their heads.
  2. We may conclude, like many 19th-century Americans, that because Paul treated slavery as OK in A.D. 50, it was still OK in A.D. 1850.
  3. We may decide that since God told Joshua to practice genocide against the utterly degenerate Canaanites, then maybe our enemies deserve genocide, and maybe we have been called by God to imitate Joshua.

1. “So what?” questions always begin with what was then. The first “So what?” question should point to the original purpose of the writer or speaker in the passage:

  1. What do you think Jesus wanted His audience to do in response to this parable?
  2. What action does Paul tell the Galatians to take?

With a story, it may be more helpful to ask about how the various characters responded to the challenges they faced:

  1. How did Abram deal with his doubts?
  2. How did the apostles handle the conflict between the Greek- and Aramaic-speaking believers?

2. Next we look for bridges between then and now by asking how our situation is like and unlike the situation addressed in the passage:

  1. What conflicts do we face in our ministry? In what ways do they resemble the conflict described in Acts 6? In what ways are they different?
  2. Do you identify with the Galatians in any ways? In what ways are you similar or different?

As the leader, you should always ask yourself, “How is our situation different?” This question will help you guide the group away from erroneous applications. Joshua’s conquest of Canaan was in many ways a unique situation. The founding of the first Christian community in Jerusalem was also unique in many ways.

3. Finally, with the similarities and differences between then and now in mind, we can ask whether the passage offers any timeless (always) principles, like, “What can we learn about good and poor ways of handling doubt from Abram’s example?”

Principles can include a sin to avoid, a promise to trust, an example to follow, a command to obey, or a truth to believe. It is essential not to generalize a universal principle from a specific situation without careful thought about the differences between then and now.

Sometimes you’ll want to help people apply the passage to their personal lives. At other times, you’ll draw out a group application. Most of the Bible was written not to individuals, but to groups. The “you” in many passages is plural.

Another way of asking, “So what?” is to point people toward listening to the Holy Spirit:

  1. What do you sense the Holy Spirit is saying to us about how we relate to others in our lives who don’t know Christ?
  2. What is one key truth from this passage that you sense the Spirit is urging you to embrace?

Set aside 15 minutes at the end of your group meeting to contemplate questions. Pray, asking the Holy Spirit to speak. Then talk, with ears open.

Now What? “So what?” questions are general and ask for relevance. “Now what?” questions are pointed. They ask us to take action.

  1. How can you put this insight into practice this week?
  2. What can you do to cultivate this into a habit?
  3. What will it mean, in practical terms, for you to seek God’s kingdom first this week?
  4. How can we, as a group, obey Isaiah’s call to a true fast?

Many of your discussions will end with “So what?” questions. It is not a waste of time to help people think and feel more biblically. But sometimes, action is called for.

“Now what?” questions require specific, realistic, and measurable answers.

  1. Specific means that definite actions, rather than general goals, are specified.
  2. Realistic means that the person has devised a plan he can reasonably carry out within the limitations of his life, with the power of the Holy Spirit and the help of the group to back him up.
  3. Measurable means something concrete will be done, and at the end of a month or a year, the shift in the person’s attitudes or actions will be noticeable by an observant outsider. We shouldn’t become obsessed with measuring spiritual growth, since the most important changes are internal and may take time to affect our behavior dramatically, but it is possible to ask ourselves. What can I do to become a significantly more compassionate person by this time next year?

Bear in mind that questions about the future are often more intimate than those about the past or present. Most people don’t talk about their hopes and goals casually. When the group has been together for about six sessions or more, members will find it extremely bonding to begin discussing their hopes for who they want to become and how they plan to pursue their goals. One way of formulating this question is, “In what ways do you want to be different as a result of our studying Philippians?”

Counting the Cost: Jesus told a parable about two sons, in which one son agreed to do what his father asked but then didn’t follow through, while the other balked but eventually obeyed (Matthew 21:28-32 ). People frequently talk about how a passage applies to them but don’t do anything about it after the discussion. One reason for this is that they don’t consider the risks and costs of living the gospel. Jesus urged His followers to count the cost and to be sure they knew what they were getting themselves into before embracing the kingdom of God. Here are some questions you can use when studying a passage that you know asks something difficult, such as turning the other cheek:

  1. What are the risks of doing what Jesus says here?
  2. What would it cost you to do that?
  3. What obstacles hinder you from living that way consistently?

Then, having looked squarely at the downside, invite people to weigh it against the upside:

  1. What would be the benefits of living like this?
  2. What would motivate a person to take those risks?
  3. How can you overcome those obstacles? How can we help?

Not Just the Facts: Application questions provide the potential for spiritual growth. They take us beyond learning facts about a passage of Scripture. We discover how the passage applied to its original readers, how that ancient situation connects with our modern world, and how to do something with what we’ve learned. This process helps us become doers of the Word, not merely hearers, and as the Scriptures promise, such people (and such small groups) “will be blessed in their doing.”

Thanks to Karen Lee-Thorp, Discipleship Journal, July/August 1998 [print_link] [email_link]

How to be an Above Average Leader

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I sometimes wonder what it takes to be a truly great leader, and how many people would I fit into that category. I’ll address leaders in a moment, but when it comes to teachers, Josh Hunt uses the word TIGER to make a point, and he tells us that there are the five steps to doubling a group every two years or less:

Teach a halfway decent lesson each and every week; nothing less will do: You do not have to be Chuck Swindoll to grow a class. However, you must produce reasonably good lessons every single week. The better the teaching, the easier it is to grow a class.

Invite every member and every visitor to every fellowship every month: If we love them, they will come. We invite every member because it is good inreach. We invite every visitor, because it is good outreach. We do it every month because it is effective ministry. If we get them to the party, we will not keep them from class. If we get them to the party, they will come to love us, love our church and love our Lord.

Give Friday nights to Jesus: Give Friday nights to Jesus for an informal time of fellowship, games and Diet Coke. People who are opposed to the gospel are not opposed to ice cream. The Bible commands, “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Peter 4:9) If we will simply be obedient to this one command, we can double our classes every two years or less and our churches every five years or less.

Encourage the group toward ministry: We do this by providing specific examples of ministry and personally enlisting people to join the team. I encourage people to pick from the following seven examples of ministry opportunities: Class teacher, Outreach leader, Inreach leader, Fellowship leader, Hospitality leader (gives Friday nights to Jesus), Prayer leader, and Class president.

Reproduce: Doubling a class every two years or less is not about going from 10 to 20. It is about going from one group to two. Reproduction is hard on any level. Still, The future of the church is the reproduction of groups. The key to creating a new group is leadership. The price of creating a new group is saying good-bye. We must be willing to say good-bye in order to be obedient to the great commission. Remember that only the mature can reproduce. Only mature disciples are willing to say good-bye. We must reproduce in order to insure the life of the next generation.

I included all this not just because it is a solid strategy for growing groups, but for the first point, teach a half-way decent lesson! We don’t have to be outstanding in order to teach or lead; can we shoot for above average? I recently discovered three tips to becoming above average:

  1. Do what others won’t: Have you ever heard someone say, “Oh I would never do that?” Often this is a sign that we are on the right track. To live and serve in an above average way means you are willing to do what others won’t. Don’t let this bother or intimidate you! Recognize that every leader faces the same challenge, starting with Jesus. He certainly could have settled for an average lifestyle, but He chose to lay down His life to fulfill His purpose.
  2. Create productive habits: Leaders choose what to do with their time, their health, their desires, their appetites, their words and their thoughts. Ephesians 5:15-16 tells us “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of the time.” Our time and energy needs to be fruitful, not frivolous. We all have areas of life that are uncultivated and unfruitful. Often all it takes is for a seed to be planted and we can turn that around.
  3. Refuse to live an average lifestyle: Average leaders don’t stop to examine what they are doing. They live by their emotions and take the path of least resistance. To be above average, you may need to watch less TV, read more books, set goals, take care of your health, eat better, exercise more, forgive, encourage, and take more risks. Of course, this also means you get to see God do more in and through you than the “average” person might.

The reality is average, status-quo, ordinary living doesn’t inspire others to follow Christ more closely. Radical, above-average, extraordinary living does! This can be a challenge. Average seems so comfortable, appealing, safe. Not to mention, it’s what everyone else is doing, so it makes life easier (or so it seems).

Are you ready to be above average? I hope the answer is yes, because that means you will be able to reach more people with the love and encouragement of Christ, and lead them to grow and mature into His image. That is worth the inconvenience of letting go of the status quo.