Category: Leadership

Is Your Life in Balance?

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I read a book by a physician named Richard Swenson, The Overload Syndrome: Learning to Live Within Your Limits. Years ago I actually was able to be a part of a corporate retreat where Dr. Sewnsen was the speaker, talking about Margin in life. Perhaps you’re tired of running around wondering about what ever happened to your “spare time?” Do you dread going to work? Are your relationships strained from stress? Do you wish you could check into a hospital just to get some sleep?

Busyness. Stress. Overload. We all know the struggle of trying to handle the load of life in the American context. You don’t have enough time to do the things you have to, let alone those things you’d like to do. You feel tired, worn out, and burned out. These symptoms are signs that you’re suffering from a disease that affects millions of people, he calls it, The Overload Syndrome.

What can be done? A few of Swenson’s suggestions include:

  1. Make solitude a priority for resting and thinking.
  2. Deal correctly with possessions so they do not possess you.
  3. Combat media overload.
  4. Deal with information overload.
  5. Make wise choices.
  6. Lower expectations.
  7. Slow down and enjoy life.

I see much of our problem as being out of balance. Notice in this verse how Jesus grew in several ways:

Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people. (Luke 2:52)

A balanced life is characterized by order, peace, and wholeness. The parts of our life are as they should be and where they should be. Each part of the balanced life gets the right amount of time and effort at the right time. It’s not giving each part of life the same amount of time that makes life balanced; it’s giving each part the necessary amount of time.

The life of Jesus is a great example concerning balance. Throughout his life, Jesus was under constant pressure. Friends and enemies pursued him, yet when examining his life as recorded in the Bible, we see that he never hurried, that he never had to play catch up, and that he was never taken by surprise. He managed time well, bringing it under control, because he knew the importance of balance. Jesus’ life was well rounded. According to the Luke passage, he grew intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially.

  1. Does your life reflect balance?
  2. Do you make time for intellectual growth? If you are too busy to read a book or engage in study that stimulates your mind, you are too busy.
  3. Do you make time for physical health? Many people burn out because of improper personal maintenance. Don’t be another fatality on the emotional highway. Take care of your physical self.
  4. Do you make time for your relationship with God? You always spend time with the ones you love. 
  5. Do you feel too busy for prayer, Bible study, meditation, or personal devotion? Psalm 46:10 can be translated, “Take time and know that I am God.” The question is, “Will we do it?”
  6. Do you make time for primary relationships? Is adequate time provided for your spouse, family, and friends?

Only you can answer those questions honestly, and only you can take the necessary steps to bring order, harmony, and balance back in your life. Why not start today?

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Connectors Live What They Communicate

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When someone new steps up into a leadership position, the people have hope. They will listen, believe and follow, but this honeymoon does not last long. Here’s how it works: the first six months, communication overrides credibility; the next six months, credibility overrides communication. Credibility is currency for leaders and communicators. With it they are solvent, without it they are bankrupt. Think of elected officials and you might see this in action.

The Truth Test: Steven Covey said, “Trust earns confidence” because trust erases worry and frees you to get on with other matters. Low trust allows for others to have hidden agendas. Lack of trust inhibits innovation and collaboration. Lack of trust will disconnect you form others quickly.

You Are Your Message: Eventually who you are will shine through. You must become the kind of person you seek to connect with.

Connecting with yourself: If we are uncomfortable with who we are, others will not be comfortable with us. If we don’t know our own strengths and weaknesses, attempts to connect with others will misfire. A spiritual gift inventory is a great tool to know yourself.

Self-talk is a powerful influencer of what we believe about our selves. If we are critical and negative in our self-talk, we cannot be confident with ourselves or with others.

Right your wrongs: How do you maintain credibility when you make a mistake? It depends on how you handle mistakes. Failure to admit mistakes causes the message to be questioned which causes the integrity of the leader to be questioned.

  1. Acknowledge: You own people an explanation when you make a mistake
  2. Apologize: It may be a painful moment but it is the right thing to do. Apologize as wide as the infraction. Get the incident behind you.
  3. Amends: Make it up to the people you have wronged.

Be accountable: Deliver on your promises. When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment, you create trust. We often need accountability in the areas of our weaknesses.

Lead the way you live: You cannot speak about that which you do not know. You cannot share that which you do not feel. You cannot translate that which you do not have and you cannot give that which you do not possess. Where some see a message as a lesson to be given, connector see the message of a life to be lived. For connectors, the message is an extension of who they are. You have to be what you strive others to be.

Tell the truth: Edward R Murrow once said, “To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must tell the truth.” Credibility is not perfect but a willingness to admit to imperfection.

Be vulnerable: We often think that the teacher is to have all the answers; and we want to believe that and not appear weak. We all know that perfection is a mask, and we don’t trust people hiding behind these masks. They are not being honest with us and therefore are not connecting. Do we really think that people don’t already know our weaknesses? They do, and by admitting them you are letting others know they you know your weaknesses. We only win when we take chances; the hardest risk is being honest with ourselves.

Follow the Golden Rule: Maxwell writes that some organizations are like a tree full of monkeys. If you’re on the top looking down, all you see is smiling face looking up at you. If you’re on the bottom, the view is not so pretty. People can learn a lot by observing what leaders do with their power; when they interact with others who don’t have power, position or strength. The Golden Rule challenges us to treat others as we would want to be treated.

Deliver results: Peter Drucker once wrote, “Communication always makes demands. It always demands that the recipient become somebody, do something, believe something, it always appeals to motivation.” Connectors encourage others to deliver results. To expect results from others, we must deliver results ourselves. This may be the consultant syndrome. Some have never really accomplished in what they profess to be an expert. They sell a promise without a track record.

Summery:
Connecting Practice: Connectors live what they commutate.
Key Concept: The only way to keep connecting with people is to live what you communicate.

Practical Steps:

  1. Does you character emphasize that you have to teach, or does it undermine it?
  2. Do you follow through on your commitments?
  3. Where to you need to improve?
  4. Are you doing what you ask your students to do?
  5. Does your track record support your teaching?
  6. Can your students depend on you to follow through on your promises?

Connectors Inspire Other People

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Bill Hybels once said, “Motivated employees are 87 percent less likely to leave an organization compared to an unmotivated employee.” There is no doubt that everyone benefits from motivation. Think back to a teacher or coach who inspired you to something greater. The fact is that some people inspire us more than others do.

It all Adds up to Inspiration: As someone begins to communicate with them, people ask questions. They want to know what’s in it for them. Maxwell gives an Inspiration Equation:

What they know + What they see + What they feel = Inspiration

What People Need to Know: When non-connecting teachers think about what their students needs to know, they focus on information. Maxwell states that in the context of connecting, people need to know you’re on their side. Aristotle wrote about pathos, a communicator’s ability to connect with the feelings, desires, wishes, fears and passions of their listeners.

That you understand them and are focused on them: No one is inspired by people who are concerned about themselves. Self-centered people don’t generally connect with others. Good connectors get to know their students. They need to know that you are for them and in their corner. People do things, like making changes in their lives, for their own reasons, not for the reasons of the teacher.

Maxwell writes that a gossip is someone who talks about others, a bore talks about himself, but a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. What are people thinking? What are their dreams? About what do they worry?

  1. What are people saying? The most called upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear. Good leaders are good listeners. Maxwell has this pattern: listen, learn then lead.
  2. What are people doing? Watch them and their behavior; including their body language.

That You Have High Expectations of Them: Abraham Lincoln once said of a sermon that it was brilliantly conceived, biblical, relevant and well presented; but it failed because it did not ask us to do something great. Inspiring communicators always expect a lot from their students. Maxwell says that management is about getting people to do what they do not want to do, while leadership is inspiring people to do what they never thought they could.

What People Need to See: If these are not present, people will simply turn you off.

  1. Your Conviction: Conviction is something you cannot fake. If the teacher does not have conviction about his subject, why should the students?
  2. Your Credibility: When people trust you, they will listen to you. If you walk does not match your talk, credibility will be lacking.
  3. Your Character: They need to see evidence of your character. A mediocre teacher tells, a good teacher explains, a great teacher demonstrates. As teachers and leaders we must strive to be the message. Connecting has a lot to do with letting who you are influence everything you do. The decision of your students to listen every week is based on a deeper perception related to the teacher’s credibility.

What People Need to Feel: This is the most important factor in the Inspiration Equation. People may not remember what your said or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Your passion for the subject and them: Vision alone does not inspire change; it must be strengthened by passion. Your teaching will be nothing if it does not come from your heart. Teaching is not just going through the motions and showing up Sunday to lead the lesson. Ask these questions each week:

  1. Do I believe what I teach?
  2. Has it changed me?
  3. Do I believe it will help others?
  4. Have I seen it change others?

You will do more than light a fire under people, you will ignite a fire within them.

Your confidence in yourself and them: Passion motivates because the questions asked is, “Is it worth it?” People must also see your confidence and ask, “Can I do it?” If you don’t have confidence in a speaker, are you likely to follow that person?

Your gratitude for them: This may be the most neglected and least expressed virtue. Silent gratitude is not good for anyone. Matthew Henry once wrote in his diary about being robbed, “Let me be thankful first because I was never robbed before; second, although they took my purse, they did not take my life; third, because although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed.”

Action – Inspiration at the Highest Level: Often we encourage people, make them feel good, help them to feel confident, but they never more on toward action. Action changes lives.

Say the right words at the right time: Timing is often the difference between success and failure.

Give people an action plan: For most people, their knowledge far outweighs their follow-through. A motivational speaker wants you to feel good; while the motivational teacher wants you to do good. Make lists of what you have learned by using this ACT plan:

  1. Put an A next to the items you want to apply.
  2. Put a C next to the items you need to change.
  3. Put a T next to the items you need to teach to others.

Make a Commitment to Continually Inspire Others: One linguist notes that in 20 primitive languages, the word hearing and doing is the same word. Actor Will Smith once said, “The way I like to measure greatness is: How many people do you affect? In your time on earth, how many people can you affect? How many people can you want to make better? Or how many people can you inspire?” The true test of inspiration is action.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors inspire people.
Key Concept: What people remember most is how you make them feel.

Practical Steps:
Character, above all else, will make the greatest impression on people.

  1. A heart to serve.
  2. A person of good values.
  3. A helping hand.
  4. A caring spirit.
  5. A believing attitude.

People want to know what you have done, this adds credibility.

  1. That you can lead by example.
  2. That you will only ask them to do what you have done or are wiling to do.
  3. That you will teach them only what you have already done.
  4. That their success is more important than your success.
  5. That they will get credit for accomplishments.
  6. That you will celebrate their success.

Your students need to know that you enjoy being with them and want to help them; that you are a friend, that you are not perfect, but growing, that you are conversing with them, not talking down to them, that you believe in them and they can believe in themselves.

Connectors Create Joyful Experiences

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The Word of God is never boring; I believe it is a sin to bore a student. Boring is the one phrase that would accurately describe someone who is not connection to others. We need to develop a system of collecting quotes, stories and illustrations that add to the topic. Here are a few tips on how to be interesting:

Take Responsibility for Your Students: In the long run, there are never any bad audiences, only bad teachers or speakers. If the students are asleep, something needs to happen to wake them up. Grabbing attention is the responsibility of the teacher, not your students. You will likely quote the proverb that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink; but think about ways you can make that horse thirsty. You need to work to keep your students engaged in what’s happening. We can never have a take-it-or-leave-it mindset. That is what John Maxwell calls “cemetery communication,” lots of people out there but nobody’s listening. Our job is to create interest, activate the audience, enjoy the experience and add value to others.

  1. Charisma is what causes your students to want to hear more. Think about a conference you attended, the time goes by so quickly, interest is captivated, and you really enjoyed being there.
  2. Charisma is something you can develop; it is not a natural talent that draws people toward someone. Always ask yourself how you might better draw in your students.

Communicate in Their World: Maxwell tells a story of a traditional father balking at changing a diaper; he did not know how. Then the mom said, “Lay out the diaper in a diamond shape, put second on home plate, but the baby’s bottom on the pitcher’s mound, hook up first and third, slide home underneath. If it starts to rain, the game is not called, you start all over again.”

There are always important things in life, but people do not remember what we think is important, they remember what they think is important. There are a lot of voices out there calling for the attention of your students. If you want to make an impact, you must meet them in their world. To connect in their world, you have to link what you want to say to what other’s needs are.

This is good: if you talk at me, you’ll talk alone; if you talk to me, I’ll listen; if you talk about me, I’ll listen for hours. Always maintain authenticity when you try to meet them in their world.

Capture People’s Attention from the Start: If you don’t capture their attention from the start, they will take the remote and click you off. Always make a good first impression; you will never get a second chance to make a first impression. Here are a few ideas:

  1. Comments: about today and some current non-controversial event.
  2. Introduce yourself: if there are guests, they don’t know you and you will never connect with them.
  3. Use humor: it brings people in, but don’t make the humor a lame joke. Try it out on the kids first, unless you’re looking for a groaner.
  4. Create a sense of anticipation: you’re about to add value to their life, get excited and hopeful, they are about to learn something, ask them to tell what they learn to another person.
  5. Activate your students: It is easy to connect with someone who is highly energized and active. Are they taking notes, reading their Bible, searching for another Scripture, making eye contact, nodding in agreement?
  6. Ask questions: Don’t get too specific but ask ones where 90 percent of the students should be able to answer.
  7. Get people moving: Break the routine and get them to stretch, move around or get into smaller groups.
  8. Ask people to interact: When students become involved, it increases their energy.

Say it So it Sticks: Some quotes are remembered long after they are spoken.

  1. Give me liberty or give me death – Patrick Henry.
  2. I regret that I have but one life to give for my country – Nathan Hale.
  3. A government of the people, by the people and for the people – Abraham Lincoln.
  4. Never, never, never give up – Winston Churchill.
  5. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country – John F. Kennedy.
  6. I have a dream – Martin Luther King Jr.
  7. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall – Ronald Reagan.

Link what you say to what people need: Nothing makes a lesson more memorable than need.

Find ways to be original: There is a direct impact on predictability and impact. The more predicable they think you are, the less impact you will have on them.

  1. Use Humor: possess the ability to laugh at yourself, and let people know that you are as human as the next guy.
  2. Say Things in an Interesting Way: A catch phrase said creatively can catch on and make a connection
    1. A person must sacrifice to get to the top, or you have to give up to go up.
    2. Relationships are important to influence people, or people won’t go along with you until they can get along with you.
    3. People won’t listen until they know you care, or people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
  3. Learn to Pause: Connecting is a two-way street; a dialogue, not a monologue. Allow people time to respond and give feedback. When you are a non-stop speaker, people’s minds disengage.
  4. Be Visual: We are a part of the MTV generation, with YouTube, movies and camera phones. Add spice to your presentation by finding a video clip, magazine article or newspaper clipping that makes your point.
  5. Tell Stories: Nothing is better than a story to keep people engaged. Cold facts will rarely connect with people. People connect with stories, not statistics. Jesus was the master communicator; and he use stories to make his point. Scientists say that our brains are wired more for stories than for abstract ideas and PowerPoint slides.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors create an experience everyone enjoys.
Key Concept: Work to create the right experience for your communication setting.

Practical Steps:

  1. Strive to create a sense of intimacy with your students.
  2. Help your group to have a sense of shared accomplishment where they feel connected to you and the group.
  3. Try these principles in telling your stories:
    1. Enthusiasm: storytellers enjoy what they are doing.
    2. Animation: lively facial expressions and gestures.
    3. Group participation: involve your audience in some way; sing, clap, repeat phrases, do sign language.
    4. Spontaneity: while stories are memorized, storytellers respond freely to the listeners.
    5. No notes: storytellers employed a truly oral event; they told stories, they didn’t read them.
    6. Humor: humor can be included even in serious or sad stories.

Connectors Are Able to Keep it Simple

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There are many things that are simple to understand, but they might not be that simple to apply. It is likely a habit of knowing where you’re going and how to get your class to that point.

What’s Wrong With Simple?

Some have a tendency to use big words in a style that is dense and difficult to understand and do so to somehow sound intelligent; like a college professor syndrome. I don’t believe it; if the teacher is so knowledgeable and good, he can make it understandable. Educators can take the simple and make it complicated, while communicators take something complicated and make it simple. We are to bring clarity rather than complexity, and making things simple is a skill.

Albert Einstein said, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it enough.” That is an amazing challenge to teachers, and is likely the main reason they might decline to serve as teachers. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that “to be simple is to be great.” Remember that you don’t have to understand it all, but you need to have studies up on it more than your students.

Finding Stories and Illustrations That Will Connect to People:

  1. Humor – something that will make them laugh.
  2. Heart – something that will captivate their emotions.
  3. Hope – something that will inspire people.
  4. Help – something that will assist people in a tangible way.

Communicating Across Cultures:

As a missionary, I can appreciate this section, which I threw in just because it is funny. These are signs in English found around the world.

  1. Dry cleaners in Bangkok: Drop your trousers here for best results.
  2. Hotel brochure in Italy: This hotel is renown for its peace and solitude. In fact, people from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
  3. Hotel in Tokyo: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
  4. Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
  5. Hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am. Daily.
  6. Laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
  7. Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
  8. Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
  9. Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
  10. Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

The point is that we must say what we need to say; keep it simple, say it slowly and have a smile.

The Art of Simplicity:

  1. Talk to People, not Above Them: Daddy and son, and the boy asked why the apple is turning brown. the Dad says, “Because you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came in contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing its molecular structure and turning it into a different color.” After a while, the boy asked, “Dad, are you talking to me?” Sometimes we want to impress others more than we want to impact them.
  2. Get to the Point: A good test, if it takes you a while to get to the point, you’re in trouble. Get to the point before your listeners begin asking, “What is the point?” Euripides said, “A bad beginning makes a bad ending.” The point is that bottom-line thinkers want to know the bottom line. Ask yourself two questions:
    1. What do I want them to know?
    2. What do I want them to do?
  3. Say it Over and Over and Over and Over Again: The fundamental law of learning is repetition. People need to hear something sixteen times before they begin to believe it. When you say it one time, it’s heard; say it twice it is recognized; say it a third time it is learned. When it comes to vision, Bill Hybels said, “Vision leaks.” If people don’t buy in to your vision, they will eventually lose passion and enthusiasm for it. Dale Carnegie teaches, “Tell them what you are going to say, Say it. Then tell them what you’ve said.” Three essential words to connect with others, “brevity, levity and repetition, let me say that again…”
  4. Say it Clearly: The Queen Mary was named so by accident.  It was originally to be named Victoria. The king was told the vessel would be named after the greatest of all English Queens.” He said, My wife will be so pleased.” Not wanting to correct the king’s misunderstanding, they renamed it after his wife, Queen Mary. Cool Hand Luke has a classic line, “What we have here, is failure to communicate.” David Blair said to have an understanding to there won’t be a misunderstanding. In the end, people are not persuaded by what you say, but what they understand.
  5. Say Less: John Maxwell once said to an anxious audience that “If I don’t deliver in 30 minutes or less, you don’t have to pay me.” It is important to begin and end on time; better yet, end a little early. They will remember that you got to the point and finished, rather than circling the room for a landing and going over time. While it is good to keep is simple, no one gets extra points for being obscure or unprepared.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors do the difficult work of keeping it simple.
Key Concept: The larger the group, the simpler the communication has to be.

Practical Steps:

  1. If you are not clear in your communication, you will probably be able to see it in their facial expression.
  2. Never simply dump information on people and expect for them to sort it out.
    1. Ask for feedback.
    2. Ask what they have heard and have learned.
    3. Ask how they might pass this information on to others.
  3. Focus on the bare essentials of what you want to communicate, not all the points of the lesson; then emphasize those points and make them memorable.
  4. In teaching truth to your students, build confidence by practicing on a few friends.

Connectors Connect on Common Ground

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John Maxwell, in his book on Connecting, moves from connecting principles to connecting practices. This is the first rule of communication, the practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others would be to look for common ground. The same is true when resolving conflict with your spouse, teaching a child, closing the deal, selling a product, or communicating with your class. This may sound harsh but it’s true: it is difficult to find common ground with others when the only person you focus on is yourself.

People of different temperaments cause people to think and act differently than ourselves. Maxwell writes about different representational systems based on our five senses. For example, observe several people walking down the beach. People will experience the event differently; one feels the sun on the skin, another sees the water and the vivid colors, another hears the sound of waves lapping and gulls screeching, another smells tanning oil or funnel cakes. If we learn to pinpoint how others experience the world (and strive to experience the same world they do) communication will become more effective.

Barriers to Finding Common Ground: many people are oblivious to others around them, especially to their feelings, thoughts and values.

  1. Assumption – I already know what others know, feel and want: all miscommunication is the result of differing assumptions. Remember that all generalizations are false (including this one); once we place someone neatly in a box, it becomes more difficult to think about that person as being anything different. Assumptions usually come out of our prejudice. We then miss clues that would otherwise find and reach common ground.
  2. Arrogance – I don’t need to know what others know, feel or want: arrogant people seldom meet others on common ground. They don’t make the effort, because they believe they don’t have to. I read that 90 percent of serious controversies arise from misunderstanding, one person not knowing the facts that the other person deems important, failing to see his point of view. Archie Bunker is an example: opinionated, narrow-minded, bigoted, expected everyone to come to him on his own terms. You can’t build a relationship with everybody in the room if you don’t care about anybody in the room.
  3. Indifference – I don’t care to know what others know, feel or want: they say they found a cure for apathy, but no one showed any interest in it. They might not feel superior to others but they also don’t go out of their way to learn about them either. Perhaps because it take a lot of work. Nelson Mandela once said that “If you talk in another man’s language he understands. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.” Missionaries call this sharing the gospel in the other person’s heart language. Indifference in really a form of selfishness because we don’t take the time to discover what others know, feel or think.
  4. Control – I don’t want others to know what I know, feel or think: finding common ground is a two-way street. While you strive to discover things about your students, they need to discover things about you. Some leaders believe that by keeping people in the dark they have some measure of control. Maxwell says that secrecy spawns isolation, not success. Knowledge may be power, but leaders need collective power, which only comes through collective knowledge. Any time someone thinks information is being kept from, they feel like outsiders. I recently read about the “subordinate’s Lament” that says, “We the uninformed, working for the inaccessible, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.”

Cultivating a Common Ground Mind-set: anyone can learn to connect better because connecting is a choice.

  1. Availability – I will choose to spend time with others: common ground must be discovered, and that takes time and requires intentionality.
  2. Listening – I will listen my way to common ground: remember the “hot and cold” child’s game? We must listen to the instructions in order to locate the object. Everyday people are seeking success and purpose but they don’t know where it is. We must pay attention to others. Listening requires giving up our favorite human pastime, involvement in ourselves and our own self-interest. Students are asking, “Why should I listen to you? What’s in it for me if I let you in?”
  3. Questions – I will be interested enough in others to ask questions: the greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions. Larry King once said that he was curious about everything, and his favorite question was, “Why?” There are a couple of tricks that make conversations easier:
    1. FORM: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Message.
    2. FIRE: Family and Friends, Interests, Religious background, Exploratory questions (from CWT).
  4. Thoughtfulness – I will think of others and look for ways to thank them: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much your care. Simple acts of kindness go a long way.
  5. Openness – I will let people into my life: even the word communication comes from the Latin meaning “common.” Connection requires both parties to engage and be open.
  6. Likability – I will care about people: people like people who like them. If they don’t like you, they won’t listen to you or attend your class. Think about your own favorite teachers, I bet they were one that you liked.
  7. Humility – I will think of myself less so I can think of others more: humility is knowing and using your strength for the benefit of others, on behalf of a higher purpose. We must look out for the good of others. A humble leader can bring out the best in people. Arrogance plays up one’s strength to receive praise while humility raises up others so they can be praised. A great way to connect with others is to talk about your own flops, failures and fumbles. Some of the best ideas come out of the worst blunders. If you want to connect, don’t just talk about your successes, but also your failures. Humility comes from admitting your weaknesses, being patient with other’s weaknesses, being open to correction and pointing the spotlight on others.
  8. Adaptability – I will move from my world to theirs: sharing a meal can be a great way to do this; getting out of the comfort zone, sharing favorite food and visiting in someone’s home.

Connectors Go First:

  1. Ask, “Do I feel what you feel?” before asking, “Do you feel what I feel?” We must take people on a journey, and we cannot take them unless we start where they are. Connecting begins with feelings. If you connect on an emotional level it is easier to connect on other levels.
  2. Ask, “Do I see what you see?” before asking, “Do you see what I see?” It is not a matter of casting a vision well enough so others can see it, hoping they will then move forward. This causes us to want others to see things my way. Worse, we will assume that people already see things from our perspective. I read about a older father who looked back to when he was younger, and said he would work harder on seeing things through my children’s eyes. We often miss teaching moments because we want our kids to see things the way we see them.
  3. Ask, “Do I know what you know?” before asking, “Do you know what I know?” After years of dealing with marriage counseling, John Maxwell writes that couples’ greatest desire is to express their point of view from their perspective. They want to get the point across. Only after someone knows what the other person knows can you begin to understand how to connect.
  4. Ask, “Do I know what you want?” before asking, “Do you know what I want?” Attendance at church typically changes in cycles; winter is up, summer is down. Can we keep attendance up by giving people what they want, rather than what we want? This requires that we go beyond head knowledge to the heart. Ask of your people:
    1. What do you dream about?
    2. What do you sing about?
    3. What are you crazy about?

We are not supposed to just transmit massive chunks of information onto people; let’s invest in them.  Communication is a journey.

Summary:
Connecting Practice: Connectors Connect on Common Ground.
Key Concept: Know the reasons you and your students want to communicate and build a bridge between those reasons.

Practical Steps:

  1. You must know your reason, know your other person’s reason and find a way to connect the two.
  2. You build a bridge by asking questions, gaining feedback, asking more questions, telling stories, share emotions, and offer lessons learned.
  3. In a group you can ask, “What brought us together?” or “What goals do we have in common?”
  4. In class: validate their feelings, share that you perhaps feel the same way, tell them what you found that helped you, offer to help them find help in their lives.

Connecting is More Skill Than Talent

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John Maxwell writes about several things about people whom he considers to be great communicators. He was attending a conference and evaluated those who connected and those who did not:

The Non-Connectors:

  1. First: a politician who spoke in monotone, droned on and on, devoid of passion or conviction.
  2. Second: a another politician who spoke 50 minutes and said absolutely nothing.
  3. Third: A journalist who spoke down to the audience, feeling superior, making people feel like he knew something the audience did not.
  4. Fourth: a business book author who spoke with an angry demeanor, with body language, facial expressions and negative attitude.

The Connectors:

  1. Mark Russell: a DC insider with a lot of humor.
  2. Mario Cuomo: eclectic, others could feel what he felt, he moved the audience.
  3. C Everett Koop: a master of illustration, with logical arguments.
  4. Elizabeth Dole: she made everyone feel like they were friends, possessing an easy confidence.
  5. Steve Forbes: he made everything he talked about sound new.
  6. Colin Powell: put everyone at ease, gave a sense of security, had a confident demeanor that instilled confidence in others, he gave hope.

What Makes People Listen? We must learn to connect with others by making the most of whatever skills and experience we have.

  1. Relationships – who you know: Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil made it big because of who they know (Oprah). The audience had confidence in her so they put confidence in the doctors. They possessed borrowed confidence.
  2. Insight – what you know: most people want to improve their situation in life. When they find someone who can communicate something of value to them, they will usually listen. If you have an area of expertise and generously share it with others, you give people reason to respect you and develop a sense of community with you.
  3. Success – what you have done: many people will come to hear a speaker for no other reason than because of what they have done in the past. America is a success culture and people will seek out others who can help them along the way.
  4. Ability – what you can do: those who perform at a high level will gain instant credibility with others. People admire them and want to be like them. Many times they want advice on topics that have nothing to do with their area of expertise. Michael Jordan made more money with endorsements than he did playing basketball.
  5. Sacrifice – how you have lived: People followed Mother Teresa because she had street cred, she lived out what she preached. If you have made sacrifices, suffered tragedy or overcome painful obstacles, many people will relate to you.

The Art of Connecting:

  1. Possess Great Confidence: if you don’t teach with confidence, your students will remain unconvinced.
  2. Exhibit Authenticity: to connect with people you must be yourself, at your best; walking with integrity.
  3. Prepare Thoroughly: you must be familiar with your topic and lesson. A great connector cannot simply wing it.
  4. Utilize humor: rare is the communicator who is able to connect with people without using humor. Use stories from your past, or read, or hear.
  5. Focus on Others: greet all those who come to your class, find out information about them, help them to talk by talking about the subject they know best, themselves.
  6. Master Speaking and Writing: practice communicating by actually talking to people. Write notes and e-mail to your class, sharing ideas, teaching, encouragement, prayer requests.

Summary:
Connecting Principle: Connecting is more skill than natural talent.
Key Concept: the skills you learn to connect at one level can be used to start connecting at the next level.

Practical Steps:

  1. Have an interest in other people; ask each person questions.
  2. Place value on that person; and point out their value to others in the group.
  3. Put their interests above your own; that sounds biblical.
  4. Express gratitude for that person; in front of other people as well.

Leaders Must Have Vision

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When leaders lead, they need to have a vision of what can be and should be done. John Maxwell is the modern leadership guru who has written a lot of books. In The 360 Degree Leader, Developing Your Influence from Anywhere in the Organization, he has a section on vision where he says it the key to successful navigation. The more you invest in the vision, the more it becomes your own. People respond to a vision is different ways:

  1. Some attack it: with criticism and sabotage mainly because they did not create it or even understand it, so they don’t agree to work with it.They feel unneeded to achieve it and they aren’t ready for it.
  2. Some ignore it: they do their own thing.
  3. Some abandon it: they leave the organization.
  4. Some adapt it: by finding ways to align with the vision.
  5. Some champion it: they take the leader’s vision and make it a reality.
  6. Some add value to it: the vision becomes something more than originally anticipated. It is rare but not impossible to add value to the vision.

Another Maxwell book is The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader: Become the Person People will Want to Follow, he mentions vision as quality 21. “A great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position.” Vision leads the leader, it’s that important. It sparks and fuels the fire within.

  1. Vision starts from within: you can’t borrow someone else’s vision; and you must draw on natural passions and abilities.
  2. Vision draws on your history: key events in your past are instrumental in creating vision.
  3. Vision meets other’s needs: vision is far-reaching and does more than include others, it adds value to them.
  4. Vision helps you gather resources: it is the magnet that attracts others, challenging and uniting them.

The more challenging the vision, the more winners it will attract, and the harder the participants will fight to achieve it. Check out this familiar Bible verse:

When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful. (Proverbs 29:18)

Robert Fritz wrote, “It is not what a vision is; it’s what a vision does.” It is active. Vision is the ability to see. Helen Keller was asked, “Is there anything worse than being blind?”She said, “Yes, having eyesight but no vision!”

Leaders imagine a preferred future, which is the essence of vision. Vision is the image of the compelling future God wants to create through you. Leaders can stand up and say this is where we are going.

I read about Mike Vance who tells of being at Walt Disney World soon after its completion when someone said, “It’s too bad Walt Disney didn’t live to see this.” Vance replied, “He DID see it—that’s why it’s here.”

So, what kind of vision do you have?

Myopic vision: Leaders with myopic vision are so nearsighted that they live only for today. Their vision of the future is fuzzy. They can barely see beyond their noses.

Peripheral vision: Leaders with peripheral vision are blindsided by side issues. These visionaries are hampered in moving forward because they catch the threatening images of lurking problems in the corners of their eyes. They are fearful of shadowy difficulties and people lurking on the sidelines who will defeat their efforts. These folks are easily distracted.

Tunnel vision: Leaders with tunnel vision see only what’s dead ahead of them and assume that their narrow view of reality reflects the whole world. They don’t see other people or other issues.

Panoramic vision: Leaders with panoramic vision see the big picture. They see beyond today. They see what is ahead of them. They see what is to the sides of them. They have a basic understanding of the key ingredients of a healthy organization and know the steps that it will take to get them there.

Vision is perhaps the greatest need of leadership today. How’s your vision? Without it the church or your company will be like an unbridled horse. With it the organization will be focused, moving toward the fulfillment of the dream.

The Top Three Assimilation Mistakes

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Nelson Searcy hosted and led a webinar on January 25, 2011. I’m familiar with his book called Fusion, where he outlines the assimilation process at the Journey Church in NYC. At King’s Grant we moved toward the phrase Connection Process, because my people were unfamiliar with the term “assimilation” relating to the church. I used his information and elaborated with KGBC specific information.

Quotes:

  1. “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” — Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892, Act III
  2. “Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” — James Joyce (1882-1941)
  3. “If I had my life to live over… I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.” — Nadine Stair
  4. “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” — Scott Adams, ‘The Dilbert Principle’
  5. “If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” — Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968)
  6. “All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” — Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
  7. “People say ‘no’ to what is confusing.” — Nelson Searcy

Why Avoid Mistakes?

  1. To keep people from falling through the cracks.
  2. To reach people for Christ (evangelism).
  3. To grow the church.
  4. To become a friendly church.
  5. To grow your people (discipleship).
  6. God commands it; to grow the church and grow leaders.

Mistake #1 – Poor or No Follow up with First Time Guests
They say that common sense is not common practice. Fruit is in the follow-up. There is no way to follow up if we do not gather information. Much of this webinar focused on the Fusion process.

  1. Collecting information on the Connection Card.
  2. E-mail contact – sent within 36 hours (thanks, come again, praying for you, invitation to feedback).
  3. Letter contact – received within 96 hours (hand-written, by senior pastor, on note-sized stationary, hand addressed, with first class stamp, thanks, come again, praying for you, include the gift card).
  4. Stop sending form letters.
  5. A-B-C Mail Pile Theory:
    1. C = circulars, junk mail, right to the trash.
    2. B = magazines, bills, not urgent, will set aside to review later.
    3. A = open immediately, hand written address, personal sized envelop, wow-factor.

Mistake #2 – An Under-developed Theology of Hospitality
This primarily comes when we forget how a first time guest feels arriving at an unfamiliar place. They are not familiar with where to park, where to enter the building, what to do with their children, where to locate a restroom. The first time guest needs to be directed from the street to their seat. Emphasize they need to be:

  1. Greeted properly, the law of the first seven minutes.
  2. Directed properly, like to the children’s area, the sanctuary, the rest rooms.
  3. Treated properly, with respect and thoughtfulness.
  4. Seated properly, escorted in, introduced to others.

Insiders vs. Outsiders: the church may believe they are already a friendly church, but only if you are an insider. Outsiders feel like they are coming to someone else’s family reunion.

  1. The language is unfamiliar (sanctuary, Harvest Hall, bulletin, church language).
  2. The procedures are unfamiliar (where to sit, when to stand, when to use the hymnal, what to do with the Connection Card).
  3. This leads to less salvations and spiritual growth than God intends.

The Eight Systems of a Church: assimilation effects all the other systems of the church.

  1. Evangelism: learn how to attract a crowd to worship every week.
  2. Assimilation: learn how to move people from first-time guests to membership in your church.
  3. Worship Planning: learn how to plan, implement and evaluate the weekend services at your church to bring people to Christ.
  4. Small Groups: learn how to fill and produce small groups in your church.
  5. Ministry: learn how to mobilize people for significant ministry.
  6. Stewardship: learn how to disciple extravagant givers in your church.
  7. Leadership: learn how to develop leaders at all levels of your church.
  8. Strategy: learn how to constantly evaluate and improve your church.

Hospitality in Diagram:

Mistake #3 – An Unclear Assimilation Process

The process must be written. One must be able to explain it to others. People say “no” to what is confusing. It’s not that they don’t want to visit again, or join, but that they are unsure what the next steps may be.

Guest Ratio:

  • 3:100 (three guests per 100 members) = staying even, due to attrition, deaths, people moving, people becoming dissatisfied.
  • 5:100 = able to grow.
  • 7:100 = optimal growth.

The Principle of Spiritual Readiness: God will not give us those whom we are not prepared to receive.
My preparation precedes God’s blessing. We want to receive first.
Like saying to the stove, “if you give me heat, I’ll fill you with wood.”
Like a farmer saying, “if you send me a crop, I will sow the seeds.”

The Connection Process at King’s Grant:

The spaces between the blocks are for emphasis:

  1. Return: from first time guest to second time guest (get people to come back).
  2. Relationship: from second time guest to regular attendee (get people into smaller groups).
  3. Responsibility: from regular s=attendee to fully devoted member (get people to exercise their giftedness).

Mistake #4 – the Pastor Abdicates Assimilation to Someone Else

This was the bonus mistake for making it through the full hour. The difference between abdication and delegation: Abdication is to cast off and relinquish formally, while delegation is the act of empowering another to act. The pastor cannot wash his hands of the process, buy the kit and tell a staff member to simply do it. The pastor leads this process, emphasizing the importance of the process, and by actively investing himself within the process.

  1. Searcy emphasizes the hand-written notes from the senior pastor, the one who was the teaching pastor that morning. He does the first 30 himself, and then gets a staffer with a similar penmanship to write with him.
  2. Prepare for double the guests than you expect, showing an anticipation that God is going to bring people your way. This is the principle of expectation and readiness.
  3. Grow as a leader, schedule the next seminar. Leaders and readers, find out what others are doing and adapt it to your situation, don’t spend all your time reinventing the wheel.

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The Guidance of God

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This month we have been looking at the topic of “Hearing the Voice of God.” As we strive to hear God’s voice, we can be assured that he will be asking something of us. If we have the faith to seek him, actively listen, and then actually follow through and obey, life is then aligning itself with kingdom purposes.

Today I believe it is extremely important to make sure we emphasize the proper words in the theme for the month. Most of us will tend to emphasize HEARING the voice of God. Others might emphasize hearing the VOICE of God, but I submit to you that our emphasis needs to be on hearing the voice of GOD.

The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. — Isaiah 58:11

While the Bible never uses the word guidance, it does speak of a Guide. We may seek guidance, but God provides something better than guidance, he provides himself.

Many of us struggle to understand and discern God’s guidance for our lives. We ask questions like:

  1. Should I marry or not?
  2. Should I marry this person or that person?
  3. Should I have another child?
  4. Should I join this church or that one?
  5. Which profession should I follow?
  6. What job should I take?
  7. Is my present line of work the one to stay in?

Here lies the major distortion of knowing and doing God’s will. Does God lead and direct in these areas? Yes. Does he come out and overtly tell us what to do? Rarely.

So how does God guide us? Consider these principles:

  1. God’s guidance concerns itself more with our steps than our overall journey.
  2. God’s guidance is more preoccupied with the present than with the future.
  3. God’s guidance has less to do with geography and more to do with morality.
  4. God’s guidance is more interested in our character than our comfort.
  5. God’s guidance is not insider information.
  6. God’s guidance is that we pursue the Guide more than guidance.

In seeking God, his plan will be revealed. His way will be known through his Word. We need to know the Bible, but more importantly we need to know the Guide. God does not guide us magically; he guides us relationally. The Bible must be studied so we may become acquainted with the ways and thoughts of God. God’s aim is that we become his companions who walk with him on a journey. He already knows us. Now he wants us to understand and know him. The more we understand him, the more real our relationship will be with him and the more likely we are to keep in step with him in the direction he is taking us.

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