Direct Hit – Part 3

I’ve just finished the Paul D. Borden book, Direct Hit, and wanted to share many of the quotes from the book. The staff at King’s Grant is reading this together, and our pastor is currently involved with the Great Commission Breakthrough Cluster, and group of local pastors that are a part of this church growth strategy sponsored by the Norfolk Area Baptist Association.

No One Does it Alone

“Healthy, growing, reproducing congregations, which reflect a very small minority of congregations in wealthy nations, and average, normal, dysfunctional congregations , which are the majority, are two very different cultures that cannot and will not exist together.”

“Healthy congregations are defined by sacrifice. They exist more for those who are currently not a part of the group… They are missional in nature… outwardly focused in orientation…” They organize themselves to accomplish the mission and are willing to change whatever organizational structure that inhibits the accomplishment of that mission.

“Dysfunctional congregations, on the other hand, despite all their rhetoric about sacrifice exist more for those who already rule the congregation than for those who are on the outside.” They are more inwardly focused, more institutional than missional, organized to conserve the status quo, and make only peripheral changes to adapt to new environments.

When recruiting new pastors, congregations often hide who they really are, believing that the congregation desires to reach out at all cost, and are seeking a pastor to lead in that change.

“Most pastoral tenures are short because new pastors quickly become old pastors when they realize that the recruitment rhetoric that appointed and lured them to the congregation was not much more than propaganda.”

Pastors desiring to lead real change in an established congregation “must realize they are signing up to lead not just a few battles but all-out war.” They fail in this war because “they have too few officers and are usually outsmarted by better generals who are fighting on their home turf.”

Every congregation has a structure. “The formal structure states how things should be done, and the informal structure determines how most things get accomplished.”

“Many will talk of the need for change while doing everything in their power to inhibit it… When they realize that changes means loss of influence, they quickly turn and become the pastor’s adversary.”

Various teams need to be in place. The prayer team commits to pray regularly for changes that lead to health, growth and reproduction.” The pastor must find people “whose hearts are broken over the condition of the congregation and the needs of the community.” Praying corporately and not for individuals. They pray for great vision and motivation to do great things. They do prayer walks, map the community, and create lists of economic, social, political, educational needs of the community.

Team two develops ideas, full of people dissatisfied with the status quo, and is never more than ten members. They think creatively about ideas to reach the community. Often idea people are not the people to implement those ideas.

Team three develops personnel, making the team as large as possible, full of people who lead the change. The team must grow; growth is a sign of health. “Growth in any congregation comes in proportion to the number of groups that are started and the number of new leaders that are recruited and trained.”

The pastor shares his vision for the congregation and “must try to connect this person’s personal vision to what God wants to accomplish through the congregation.” People must be willing to give up personal goals and join God’s agenda, to fulfill the Great Commission.

Servant leadership “produces new disciples who in turn will join God’s mission.”

A missional audit determines how a “congregation’s ministries can be brought into alignment with the mission. If a ministry cannot be brought into alignment, it should be discarded.”

The pastor then trains others in the vision, and has to deal with structure and authority. Staff-led means someone has been provided with responsibility and given appropriate authority, and held accountable for the results.

When one tries to bring about systemic change, the real values of the congregation will surface: generally power, turf and money. The goal is to focus on the primary customers of the church, those who are not yet a part of the congregation.

Critical Mass is Critical

“Never take a knife to a gunfight.” The leader must spend time in creating urgency and casting vision. Then go into battle with a big enough army and the required number of officers. If there are not enough leaders, systemic change will fail.

“Only God brings life out of death, but God does not bring transformation until God’s people are praying, acting and behaving wisely, and willing to endure major suffering.”

Pastors get no credit for doing the obvious; visitation, preaching, etc, that’s what he’s paid to do. “They do not gain influence by doing what is expected.” To lead change, it is helpful to bring in a mentor or coach who has been through the same struggles.

“Building resources while preparing for systemic change is more like saving than investing. Developing leaders is a critical investment that will take time before a payoff. So the pastor and key leaders must now focus on building up their savings account, putting in small deposits at a time.” The leader must be seen as a trainer who makes disciples. The leaders must recognize workers, which pays great dividends and retains loyal workers.

“One way to deliver training is to e-mail materials or internet links that provide insight into specific areas of ministry.”

The pastor must model that which he desires to produce in the congregation, being willing to get out of his comfort zone to join God’s mission. Effective leaders do not ask followers to go somewhere that they have not gone, and would not go as leaders.

“People vote with their feet and their wallet.” If the money does not come in, they believe they will discourage the pastor and he will “lose support for the new changes he is seeking to implement.” That is why the pastor has been gathering financial resources over several years for the change effort.

“As the pastors gains more and more influence and more new people come, the congregational bosses realize that they will soon be outnumbered and outvoted, thus losing control.” This leads to passive-aggressive or even aggressive behaviors. The pastor must be gentle as a dove but wise as a serpent (Matthew 10:16).

“If you can’t stand the heat, don’t redo the kitchen.” The evil in our culture will rear its ugly head when the kingdom breaks out in new ways. Don’t be shocked when suffering occurs. Perhaps now we finally have the right enemies.

Jesus’ “followers must expect conflict when directing the church to act like the missionary culture that Jesus requires… remember that Peter lost his life by feeding sheep.”

“Ministry is accomplished in community.”

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Direct Hit – Part 2

I’ve just finished the Paul D. Borden book, Direct Hit, and wanted to share many of the quotes from the book. The staff at King’s Grant is reading this together, and our pastor is currently involved with the Great Commission Breakthrough Cluster, and group of local pastors that are a part of this church growth strategy sponsored by the Norfolk Area Baptist Association.

I See a Better Tomorrow

“Vision is derived from the passion of a leader who has a prophetic burning within the soul to accomplish something significant for God.”

“The biblical mission of mission of the church is 180 degrees opposite to the mission or purpose of most congregations [in affluent countries].”

In the development of vision: the first time period is from one to five years prior to systemic change (preparation). There is a lot of prayer at this point. The second phase works within one year, but no more than two. This involves seeing the community for what it really is, a complex social unit (discovering the values, interests, desires and aspirations of the community.

The “pastor creates a preaching calendar for the vision… how he will communicate the vision over the next one to five years.” It is cast by telling compelling stories and metaphors.

“The pastor is also looking for those within the congregation who are responding to the sermons, training, and comments on vision.”

Going along with the status quo creates job security but demands few if any risks.

When is Somebody Going to do Something?

“Vision is God’s major tool to provide hope for people.”

“New visions require risk, which entails leaving that which is known and comfortable for that which is unknown.”

Presentation of the vision must “always be accompanied with a presentation of urgency for that vision. Without the constant presentation of urgency, people vote with their behavior for the status quo. A good leader must make the status quo so unacceptable that people are willing to embrace a new vision.” Or people will not change.

Theological urgency: people are lost and on their way to hell. There is a spiritual need to act. Many times we talk about urgency but our behavior does not demonstrate any urgency.

Clergy and lay leaders must “lead the congregation to confess the sin of complacency (no urgency).” We simply do not believe that the majority of people around us are lost.

Practical urgency: people must see where they are headed if they refuse to change. Help the congregation to see the community in which the congregation exists for what it really is. Help the congregation to feel the loss of people because they have left; therefore they are no longer a healthy, vibrant and growing congregation. We must also describe what is happening to the culture of our nation (morality of the congregation is not much different from those outside the congregation).

“If one creates urgency from a prophetic perspective so that everyone feels guilty about all that could be happening but is not, there will be no change. Prophets create guilt, and guilt is designed to produce repentance, which is a type of change.“ Change in congregation may start with repentance, but must be led by leaders and not prophets. “Shame and blame do produce change.” But this must be paired with casting vision.

The pastor must constantly preach on themes that talk about why it is important to be a disciple of Christ, the need to be reconciled and the need for forgiveness. He uses charts and graphs to see what has happened to the declining congregation. Use interviews of people in the community who deal with the issues around the congregation. Use interviews of non-church people who see the church as irrelevant or boring.

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Direct Hit – Part 1

I’ve just finished the Paul D. Borden book, Direct Hit, and wanted to share many of the quotes from the book. The staff at King’s Grant is reading this together, and our pastor is currently involved with the Great Commission Breakthrough Cluster, and group of local pastors that are a part of this church growth strategy sponsored by the Norfolk Area Baptist Association.

It’s More Than Just Talk

“We usually expect that for one to lead well in a congregation, he or she must have the ability to communicate reasonably well in some form so that people are motivated to follow.”

Churches need to have a communication strategy that includes “before or after the formal presentation to make comments to the audience.” The pastor takes every advantage to communicate the mission and vision of the organization.

Pastors of the church “develop relationships, model discipleship and train leaders who may be open to following when change is being implemented.”

“Good leaders are constantly raising up new leaders.”

“The ability for any organization to effectively accomplish it’s purpose is ultimately determined by leaders who are effective because they communicate well.”

“Few pastors are willing to assume the role of a leader who takes responsibility for mobilizing the congregation to accept the mission of obeying our Lord’s Great Commission: to make disciples for Jesus. Instead, many pastors and other church staff presume that their job is to call individuals to personal discipleship.”

The church is often an “environment where faithful endeavor is honored, but fruitful results are not expected or demanded… The church shies away from accountability perhaps better than any other organization in the world.”

When people gain positions of leadership by default, that “leadership deteriorates to one of conserving the status quo.” They fear losing people, and have a theology that the church is for them, rather than for those who are not yet a part of the congregation. Change, and an influx of new people, would mean “a loss of control” and therefore a decline in personal status.

“Change always starts with mission and vision. No new mission or vision will take hold and last over time if the structure is not changed to allow both to flourish.”

“Congregations are created by God to be God’s primary tool for making individual disciples and for changing entire congregations.” The pastor’s leadership is directed “more to the congregation as an entity than it is to the individuals who comprise the congregation.”

“Your purpose as a church leader is to lead a congregation to find those strategies and tactics that will enable followers to effectively reach lost and dying people with the good news.”

Will the Real Leaders Please Stand Up?

Many times leaders will speak “against [other] leaders complaining about issues of power and authority. In effect, we have now developed a theology of smallness.”

“According to Leith Anderson, leadership involves a person seeing a need and taking the responsibility to see that the need is met.” The leader then influences and mobilized others.”

“Leadership refers to the employment of disciplines that people can develop regardless of their talents or mix of spiritual gifts.” There is an art and a science to leadership.

“At the heart of all effective leadership is passion,” which “begins with a prophetic burden”  and “arises when we are focused on God and are able to see the needs that people have because of the great chasm between them and God.”

“We can tell if people are truly called by whether they possess a passion for God and for reaching the lost… passion comes as we, in our own ways, take God seriously.”

“A leader’s first task is to be clear about the mission. A leader must then ask if this mission is one that God wants him or her to lead and if it is worth dying for.”

“Primary customers [of the church] are ones who are not yet part of the congregation [basically lost people]… secondary customers are the disciples who are already involved in the congregation. Secondary customers are developed to reproduce more primary customers.”

We must have “movement from an inward focus to an outward focus” which “demands a major shift in who controls the organization”… it takes “courageous leaders who are willing to risk all for the sake of the Great Commission.”

“In today’s culture, “people vote with their feet and their pocketbook”… “Congregations going through major changes find that there are often more people leaving than new people coming.” It may even cost a few long-time relationships. The Great Commission must be obeyed above personal interests.

“What worked yesterday in one congregation produces little change today… More congregations die than are started each week in North America… If leaders cannot handle flexibility, they will find it difficult to let go of old behaviors and lead new initiatives, and long-term systemic change will probably not occur.”

“The very nature and essence of the church is to be involved in a passionate, missional effort of turning lost people into fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ.”

“Most of [the church’s] ministries are designed to provide service and fulfillment to those who are already related to [Christ]… The most effective pastors are missionaries at heart.”

“Missional leaders are open to accountability” because effectiveness is measured by loses and new recruits into the kingdom.

“Followers are motivated when leaders proclaim a clear vision, which is the answer to a great urgency.”

“The church in North America has lost is primary sense of mission. We spend far too much time and money engaging disciples in tasks and responsibilities that do not advance the mission.”

Regarding wisdom, “[leaders] never ask more of their sheep than they are willing to do as leaders.”

Positive leaders are constantly showing disciples what God can do and wants to do… they cast vision and assume the best.”

Good leaders take responsibility for what happens. Most excuses for lack of growth are:

  • Environmental – our location, neighborhood, resort area, transitional community – this is a missionary issue, people don’t see the harvest before them.
  • Lack of commitment – if my people were more committed, serve more, give more – this is a vision issue, people have not caught the vision.
  • Spiritual – God has left, or is judging our city or church – this is an issue of denial, saying God has written off our area.

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Five Questions to Ask Your Wife

I recently read a blog that had five questions that a husband should ask his wife that would communicate to her just how much he really cares for her. It is my goal to ask these questions this weekend…

What is the most romantic thing that I’ve ever done for you? You might be surprised! When we get married we think about “wowing” her by taking her to nice places and spending lots of money, but in reality it may be the little things that communicate to her how special she is.

What is something fun we can do together? Men, our definition of fun and hers is usually completely different. One of the things about most women is that they want to feel connected to their husbands, to feel like they matter and are important, and one of the ways they do that is by simply having fun. It’s not about taking her to something that you like doing. It’s about asking her what she wants to do, and then making that happen. It proves to her that you care.

What is one thing I can do for you this week that will relieve stress from your life? Men, we have no idea how much stress our lady carries around with her, and because she is a woman (thus everything is connected to everything) we should be willing to do all we can to relieve stress from her life. This may include giving her an afternoon to herself, without the kids. It may include you cooking dinner one night or cleaning up afterwards. Whatever it takes, do it!

How Can I Pray For You? It is amazing the number of men that will not ask their wife this question. We are called to lead our homes spiritually, which means we should provide protection and direction. When she asks you to pray for something specific, we must resist the temptation to go ahead and be the answer to her prayer by solving the problem she’s bringing to your attention. She asked you to pray–not fix it. I know we have a tendency to try to fix everything, but she doesn’t want us to fix her problem, she wants you to listen to her.

If you could change one thing about our marriage–what would it be? This one takes guts! We think we are the perfect match for her, and all is well. But she can give you some really great insight into what she considered to be important, and we should be motivated to work as hard as we can to honor her request.

Ephesians 5:25 says we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church…

  • He never stops loving the church
  • He never stops pursuing the church
  • He always comes home for the church
  • He never cheats on the church
  • He provides for the church
  • He never stops thinking about the church
  • He takes the church seriously

I am definitely not the perfect husband, but more and more I am realizing that my marriage not about what I deserve or can get out of it, it’s all about what I can give to her and how I can serve her. As men of God we should go all out to show the world how awesome Jesus is through loving our bride like He loves His.

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Values of a Relational Leader

The church is not supposed to be just spinning it’s wheels with lots of activities. It’s more than a social organization where people can get together. It’s more than a club that has an exclusive “members only” policy. We are called to be salt and light in the world (Matthew 5:13, 14, John 12:46). We have a great message (1 John 1:5) and provide hope (1 Timothy 1:1, 5, Hebrews 6:19, 1 Peter 1:21) for hurting people and families. There’s a place for any person of any age with a message that is applicable to all people.

Leaders set the pace. Let me suggest that we adopt these ten values to live by. They’re the relational characteristics that each person in the discipleship ministry should hold as important and strive to embody.  So, as relational leaders we value…

A Willingness to Engage

It’s important to overcome fear and continually approach and engage all kinds of people in our ministry. Leaders should be on the lookout for new people, approach people who are new or unfamiliar, and be familiar enough with the total church program to direct and escort guests to where they need to be. If people are unwilling to come on their own, we should go up to them (John 5:40).

  1. 1 Thessalonians 2:8 – We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.
  2. 1 Thessalonians 2:8 – Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.
  3. 2 Corinthians 12:15 – I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls If I love you more, am I to be loved less?
  4. 1 John 3:16 – We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Laughter and Fun

It’s important to lighten up and enjoy the many blessings God has given to us. If there’s no fun in what we do, why would anybody want to be a part of it? We have a serious message, but we should be the first people to share the joy we have in our lives.

  1. John 10:10 – I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (or more abundantly).
  2. Psalm 126:2-3 – We celebrated with laughter and joyful songs. In foreign nations it was said, “The LORD has worked miracles for his people.” And so we celebrated because the LORD had indeed worked miracles for us.
  3. Isaiah 25:9 – Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.

Transparency and Authenticity

It’s important to be yourself, lower the mask, and be vulnerable with each other and the people we serve. If we put forth a spirit that we have it all together, having no struggles, God just blesses all the time, we then come across as a super-Christian and people can’t really identify with us, or will feel this is not the place where they fit in. We don’t glory in our sin, but how God uses our weaknesses to bring Himself honor and glory is another story. Sharing how God was with us through trial and trouble goes a long way.

  1. 1 Corinthians 2:3-4 – I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.
  2. 1 Corinthians 1:26 – Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
  3. 2 Corinthians 11:30 – If I have to boast, I will boast of what pertains to my weakness.
  4. 2 Corinthians 12:5 – On behalf of such a man I will boast; but on my own behalf I will not boast, except in regard to my weaknesses.
  5. 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Encouragement

It’s important to be positive and uplifting to everyone. It’s not putting on a mask to hide inner feelings, but we should be positive and encouraging; people should feel better about who they are after being around you.

  1. 1 Thessalonians 5:12 – Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.
  2. 1 Corinthians 16:18 – For they have refreshed my spirit and yours, therefore acknowledge such men.
  3. 1 Timothy 5:17 – The elders who rule well are to be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching.
  4. Philippians 2:22 – But you know of his proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father.

Being “Others Oriented”

It’s important to put others first. Live to give and care more for the comfort of another than for yourself. The JOY class really has the title right Jesus is first, others are next and yourself is third. I remember a YMCA camp in Alabama that had signs all over the place, “I am Third.” I like that!

  1. Romans 12:10 – Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
  2. Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
  3. 1 Peter 2:17 – Honor all people, love the brotherhood,
  4. 1 Peter 1:22 – Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart,

Communicating Care

It’s important that we care for our people and for each other. The cliché is true… people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. How can we each encourage someone else this week? How can we encourage our people to be more than just a Sunday attender, but live it out during the week, and reach out to their neighbors? Do we really care about people, their needs and their spiritual condition?

  1. John 13:34-35 – Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
  2. John 15:12, 17 – This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.
  3. 1 Corinthians 9:24 – Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
  4. Romans 13:8 – Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.
  5. Romans 14:19 – So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.
  6. Romans 15:7 – Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.
  7. Hebrews 3:13 – But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,”

Follow Through

It’s important to be faithful to your commitments to our people, leaders, and this ministry. If we let people down, as a character trait, we really harm the gospel because people see us (as leaders) to be those who walk closely to Christ. It is so important to finish well, to never say that I have served enough and it’s time to pass the baton. Age can keep us from serving the way we used to but we still have tremendous knowledge and experiences that need to be passed on to an awaiting generation. Find a FAT apprentice (Faithful, Available and Teachable) and pass on the valuable ministry into which you have invested your life.

  1. 2 Timothy 4:7 – I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
  2. Acts 20:24 – I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.
  3. 2 Timothy 3:10-11 – Now you followed my teaching, conduct, purpose, faith, patience, love, perseverance, persecutions, and sufferings,

Spiritual Growth

It’s important to be continually and actively growing closer to Jesus. We cannot lead anyone to a place of faith if we have never been there ourselves. A leader continues to grow; he never “arrives.” The best teachers are still students, learning new stuff each week and passing on that which has made a difference in their lives. A teacher does not just lead a lesson but teaches people.

  1. Hebrews 6:1 – Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God.
  2. Ephesians 4:14, 15 – we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.
  3. Luke 6:40 – A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.

Prayer

It’s important to pray for our people, each other, our church, and this ministry. We do not minister in our own strength (or we’ll burn out), so it is vitally important to be in a prayer relationship with God! The Spirit’s power is unleashed as we yield to God’s will and draw close to Him. People will come to know the Lord as we pray for them.

  1. Proverbs 2:3-6, – If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
  2. 2 Chronicles 7:14 – If my own people will humbly pray and turn back to me and stop sinning, then I will answer them from heaven. I will forgive them and make their land fertile once again.

Living Intentionally and Invitationally

If we don’t ask… will never have a response.  We need to be asking our people to take the next step in their spiritual journey, and we need to be asking others to come along side us and serve on this discipleship ministry. Spiritual growth or church growth does not happen by accident, but we must be intentional. Our mandate is clear, found in the Great Commission:

  1. Matthew 28:19 – Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
  2. Zechariah 3:10 – In that day,’ declares the LORD of hosts, ‘every one of you will invite his neighbor to sit under his vine and under his fig tree.
  3. Matthew 22:4 – Tell those who have been invited, “Behold, I have prepared my dinner; my oxen and my fattened livestock are all butchered and everything is ready; come to the wedding feast.
  4. Matthew 25:35 – For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in.

Top 5 Church Growth Principles

Noting that hundreds of church growth principles have been put forth in the last thirty years, Charles Arn responded to a recent question, What are the top five church growth principles? Based on his own study and experience, these are foundational church growth insights that you can take to the bank. Whether you’re in a church of 20 or 20,000, these principles will help to invest the talents God has given to your church, so that when the Master returns you can return more than what you were given (Matthew 25:14-30).

Principle 1: Disciple-making is THE priority. As Arn explains it, A church can do many good things. A church should do a few important things. But there is only one essential thing a church must do: go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life. (Matthew 28:19, The Message)

Principle 2: Social networks are the vehicle. There is a silver bullet’ that any congregation can use to reach more people. Here it is: Non-Christians come to Christ and the church primarily through relationships with Christians. Again, this may seem elementary,’ but I remain amazed at the number of churches and Christians who believe something other than friends reaching friends will somehow create growth.

Principle 3: Felt needs are the connecting point. Arn notes that most unchurched people aren’t nearly so concerned about their eternal destiny as Christians are. Right or wrong, they have on their mind something of immediate interest: their jobs, friends, health, kids, finances, hobbies. If the gospel of Christ is really relevant to all aspects of our lives, we need to show unreached people how it is relevant to their lives, as well. Don’t start with your agenda, start with theirs.

Principle 4: Relationships are the glue. What’s the primary ingredient that keeps people active in church? Friendships. Put simply, if people have friends at church, they stay. If they don’t have friendships, they won’t. According to one study, new members who stay beyond their first year made an average of seven new friends in the church. Those who dropped out made fewer than two. The implication for churches is clear we need to be intentional about creating friendships, not just acquaintances.

Principle 5: Transitions are windows of opportunity. Arn points out that unchurched persons in our community are not equally receptive to becoming Christians and members of our churches. Significant changes in people’s lifestyle move them toward spiritual receptivity. Such changes may be controlled events (marriage, divorce, relocation, retirement) or uncontrolled ones (death of a spouse, medical crisis, job loss). Churches need to encourage members to be aware of these events in the lives of those in their social network. And, churches can develop specialized ministries in response to these transitions.

From The Top Five Church Growth Principles by Charles Arn, president of Church Growth, Inc. REV, July/Aug 2009.

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Ten Commandments of Mentoring

Seems there are Ten Commandments for most any organization, which obviously started in the Old Testament, but I found these two lists of the top 10 relating to mentoring. The first is a classic list of “do’s” and “don’ts” for effective mentoring, written by John C Crosby of the Uncommon Individual Foundation.

  1. Thou shalt not play God.
  2. Thou shalt not play teacher.
  3. Thou shalt not play mother or father.
  4. Thou shalt not lie with your body.
  5. Active listening is the holy time and shalt practice it at every session.
  6. Thou shalt not be judgmental.
  7. Thou shalt not lose heart because of repeated disappointments.
  8. Thou shalt practice empathy, not sympathy.
  9. Thou shalt not believe that thou can move mountains.
  10. Thou shalt not envy thy neighbor’s protégé, nor they neighbor’s success.

This second list of questions is designed to evaluate the mentoring relationship, written by Paul Stanley and J. Robert Clinton from Christianity Today. Ask the question and rate yourself with: Fully, Partially, or Didn’t.

  1. Establish a strong relationship. The stronger the relationship, the greater the empowerment. As you look for potential protégés, keep compatibility and chemistry in mind.
  2. Agree on purpose. A basic rule in planning is “begin with the end in mind.” When mentoring proves disappointing, the problem usually points back to differing or unfulfilled expectations. So at the very beginning, agree on what you’re both hoping to achieve.
  3. Determine contact frequency. Intensive mentoring works best with at least once-a-week contact, either face-to-face or by phone.
  4. Decide on the type of accountability. Will you use written reports, scheduled phone calls, probing questions during meetings, or a planned evaluation time?
  5. Set up communication mechanisms. As mentors, we have always asked our protégés, “If I see or learn of an area of concern, how and when do you want me to communicate it to you?”
  6. Clarify the confidentiality level. Make it clear when something you share should be treated as confidential.
  7. Set the relationship’s life cycle. It’s best to avoid open-ended mentorships. Better to have short periods, evaluation, and closure points with the possibility of reentry than have a sour relationship for a long time that each fears terminating.
  8. Evaluate regularly. See where progress has been made, where there are problems, and what should be done to improve the mentoring. Joint evaluation is always best
  9. Modify expectations as necessary. After a time of mentoring, bring expectations down to what is more likely going to happen—and give thanks for it.
  10. Bring closure at the right time. Vertical mentoring that has no clear end in mind will usually dwindle to nothing with uneasy feelings on the part of both people. A happy ending requires that both parties be involved in evaluating and mutually ending the mentoring relationship.

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Steps to Effective Mentoring

The Bible challenges us to make every moment count (James 4:14), so taking steps toward becoming more effective are positive ones. If you want to enjoy the mentoring experience, consider these steps:

  1. Select a mentor or protégé whose philosophy of life you share. The greatest mentors are also our role models. In the church, who is it that you sense has a close walk with God? What qualities does this person possess that makes them a hero in the faith for you?
  2. Choose a protégé with potential, someone you generally believe in. Then you help that person get to where he wants to go. Sports scouts do this all the time.
  3. Evaluate the protégé’s progress constantly. Remain objective and correct when necessary or encourage him to stay on course.
  4. Be committed, serious and available to your protégé. This person desires to learn from your life, not just your information.

Every mentor should also have a mentor. Mentors are not just wise older people passing on a lifetime of knowledge and experience to a younger person. It looks that way on the outside but after a closer look, the mentor also should have his own mentor from whom life, knowledge and experience have come. In the past is one thing, but it is also good to maintain a mentoring relationship of their own, someone to whom they are currently accountable.

Part of the mentoring process is to help your protégé ask the right questions, search in the right places and stay interested in the right answers. Sometimes the protégé has no clue where he needs to go much less how to get there. But you’ve been there and know where they need to go. Ask the right questions and help the protégé ask the right questions to discover their next steps.

Decide on the level of excellence or perfection you expect. Remember the goal of mentoring is improvement, not perfection. How many of us would step into a mentoring relationship if perfection was required!? We would not even seek a mentor since no one is perfect. If we expect perfection in a protégé, we will be very disappointed.

As a protégé, accept a subordinate, learning position and keep your ego in check; don’t let it get in the way of learning. Don’t try to impress the mentor with your knowledge or abilities; you could be setting up a mental barrier against learning new ideas. When we have a proud, know-it-all attitude, we are not teachable. This should not be like a teacher assigning homework that the student doesn’t want to do. In teaching, it is frustrating to assign a task and the student not do it. There are some students who do the assignment for more than just a grade; they do it with an eagerness to learn. It’s like a person voluntarily going back to school after a lifetime in the business world. These people tend to be much better students than those who are there just for the degree. When you know the outcome or benefit, it is much easier to accept a learning position.

A protégé should respect the mentor but should not idolize him. This is a practical issue: respect helps us to accept what the mentor teaches, but idolizing him removes our critical ability to fit their teaching into ourselves. With an idol, we see no faults and are not objective.

Put into effect immediately what you are learning. People don’t remember much of what we say, a little more of what is read, even more of what we hear, read and talk about; but if we want real life change, we need to put learning into practice. Learn, practice and assimilate new ideas and strategies.

Set up a discipline for relating to your mentor; a time schedule, subject matter, homework. It must be more than “we’ll get together sometime” or “we will make time.” There are goals set, calendars are brought out and dates set, assignments are made and the protégé is held accountable and encouraged in them. The protégé will reward the mentor with his own progress, which is the highest reward.

Don’t threaten to give up; you have made a decision for progress and quitting is not in the best interest in the protégé. We cannot mentor only during the good times, but we should hold on to the commitments we make, and guide and direct the protégé through times of difficulty.

Make every effort to make your time on this earth count. Life is a vapor and time is short, then it vanishes away. When we get to the other side, everything but the kingdom will be irrelevant.

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New Ways of Experiencing God

I was reading about the new Barna research that indicated Americans are exploring new ways of experiencing God, and the results are interesting. Since I am passionate about men’s ministry, I wondered how this information might be applied to our situation at King’s Grant, and the Men of Steel in particular.

 

88% of American adults say that “my religious faith is very important in my life.”

Faith is not going away despite the prolific media attention devoted to the demise of traditional faith practices and beliefs. Nine out of ten adults admit that their faith plays a meaningful role in their life. There is nothing on the horizon to suggest that this is likely to change in the foreseeable future.

If this is so, and that KGBC might be considered average, we would also have a high percentage of people understanding that faith is an important aspect of life (at least ideologically). For those who have responded to the call of Christ, I would hope that belief would manifest itself in an active pursuit of godliness, turning from vices that enslave, and understanding the need for authentic community in the development of one’s faith.

 

75% say they sense that “God is motivating people to stay connected with Him, but in different ways and through different types of experiences than in the past.”

There is a growing sense of release from traditional religious practices in this country. People are suggesting that they want more of God and less of the stuff that gets between them and their relationship with God.

There is talk and evidence that the church might not be the place to find God, so people are seeking out alternative experiences and expressions of spirituality, (I’ve also read that while people may love Jesus many hate the church). The church might be one of those issues that get between God and them. My concern is that without the community of faith (the church), just what do people get involved with, and what do they believe? The Bible warns about false doctrine (2 Peter 2:1). It is not just an archaic notion of controlling the masses, but if we really believe that God has “given us everything pertaining to life and godliness” (through the true knowledge of God – 2 Peter 1:3), then we have a solid standard for belief, faith and practice. The Bible was written for a purpose (1 John 5:13), that we might know that we have life. If God was going to reveal new information at a later time, the New Testament writers would have made a mistake… primarily that they were not given everything pertaining to life.

 

45% say they are “willing to try a new church.”

A staggering number of Americans – almost half of the nation’s 230 million adults – are open to changing their church home, demonstrating their lack of connection with their present community of faith and their desire to have a more significant connection. It may also be a reflection of people’s increasing lack of loyalty to both organizations and personal relationships, and the growing sense that there is always something better available if you can simply find it.

I read this statistic as people seeking faith yet lacking connection to the community of faith. They don’t trust the organized church. Christian leaders have moral failures. Role models have let us down. People are skeptical about this whole church thing so they stay at a distance.

 

I understand the lack of loyalty in this generation: if it gets hard, quit; if you no longer love her or she doesn’t meet your needs, divorce; if I deserve a pay raise but don’t get it, steal; if my church does not go in this direction, leave and look for another one. Some people change churches for completely legitimate reasons, but often the main reason is less than noble. If the church is “all about me and what I want” rather than “all about God and what He deserves,” we’ve lost focus.

 

Lack of loyalty to a church also manifests itself by lacking personal relationships within the organization. The churchy word for this is fellowship. We are so busy in the business world that we think we don’t have time for developing spiritual connections that will help us grow in Christ, be a better husband, a better father, neighbor, boss, employee, you name it. Spending time with the Men of Steel may not get you connected to the people who can give you that promotion, but it will help develop your character by connecting to other men who also desire spiritual and relational connection and growth. We don’t have to go through our spiritual lives alone. Life transformation takes place in community, not in a cocoon.

 

50% say “a growing number of people I know are tired of the usual type of church experience.”

It is not just the survey respondents who indicated their willingness to change churches or to consider different forms of church experience. Half of all adults said they are aware of such a willingness to experiment on the part of people they know because those individuals are tired of the common church experience.

If the church is not what we are looking for (socially, relationally, professionally, spiritually) we tend to bail out or simply not participate. Why participate in something you don’t feel is a benefit to your life goals and personal vision? But as a believer, what better life goal and vision than to prepare yourself and your family for eternity? How are you the spiritual leader of your home? What behaviors are you modeling for your children? How does your wife know that you love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25)? How does all that you do at home, at work or in the community reflect your love for God (Colossians 3:17)?

 

How many men do you know who are totally “satisfied” with the status quo? I put satisfied in quotes because I believe that men are never satisfied with being mediocre. Men are conquerors and hunters and are never satisfied with a measly existence. Men want their lives to count for something. Men want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. How can a man do that and be satisfied with the status quo? How many men come to church only because the wife brings him? Maybe if more women got on board with men’s ministry, they would see the benefit of the Men of Steel and push their husbands out of the house on Saturday mornings! (See Barna’s quote below). Get a man tired of the common church experience and he’s the one who is going to make a difference in life, the family and the workplace.

 

71% say they are “more likely to develop my religious beliefs on my own, rather than to accept an entire set of beliefs that a particular church teaches.”

Levels of distrust toward churches, church leaders and organized Christianity have been growing over the past two decades. That concern – along with the heightened independence of Americans and the profound access to information that has characterized the past decade – may have led to the emergence of a large majority of adults feeling responsible for their own theological and spiritual development. Other studies have shown an inclination for people to view a local church as a supplier of useful guidance and support, but not necessarily a reliable source of a comprehensive slate of beliefs that they must adopt.

Across the board, the research showed that women are driving these changes. This is particularly significant given prior research from Barna showing that women are more spiritually inclined, are the primary shapers of family faith experiences, and are the backbone of activity in the typical conventional church. Specifically, Barna discovered that women were more likely than men to pursue their faith in a different type of structure or environment (68% of women, 59% of men); to sense that God is motivating people to experience faith in different ways (79% vs. 60%, respectively); and to be willing try a new church (50% vs. 40%).

It’s great that people want to take control of their own spiritual development, but how often does this lead to spiritual syncretism, a blending of beliefs, (sometimes contradictory beliefs) to form one’s own theology. This is a product of our post-modern society that emphasizes truth is relative. What is true for one person may not be true for another. So we develop an Oprah-styled theology mixing in what we like and eliminating that which we don’t. The positive side is that people are taking responsibility for their spiritual growth, which is a sign of spiritual maturity. It’s not necessarily the responsibility of the church, the pastor or the Sunday school teacher, but it’s up to the believer to work out their salvation (Philippians 2:13). But remember that we don’t do this alone, God is the one who will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6), and He uses the church to help people grow in godliness (Hebrews 10:24-25).

 

This post is certainly long enough (and I’m concluding) but I see men’s ministry in the context of the local church. I am not seeking a group to replace the Sunday school hour. It’s not about adding another Bible study during the week. It’s not about numbers or starting new groups. I ask myself, “How many men have simply told God that all He gets is one or two hours a week on Sunday mornings, and it’s unreasonable to think about being involved any more?” It’s about growth, development, and sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). I value the Men of Steel… manly fellowship, commons struggles, open dialogue, becoming what God intended from the beginning and passing it on to the next generation.

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Models of Effective Mentoring

I’d like to share three models that illustrate what mentoring is all about (2 Timothy 2:1-2, 3-4, 5-6). I see this in the lives of three people in the Bible:

Barnabas:

The first model is that of Barnabas. He was the guy named Joseph, a Levite born in Cyprus (Acts 4:36) but everyone called him Barnabas, the son of encouragement. Of course his father was not named “encouragement” but rather it is a figure of speech that indicates he embodied the characteristic of encouragement.

At first, he sold his property and gave the proceeds to the Jerusalem church (Acts 4:36-37). He introduced Saul to the Jerusalem church (Acts 9:26-27). The church chose Barnabas to go to Syrian Antioch to investigate the unrestricted preaching to the Gentiles there (Acts 11:19-24). He became the leader to the work and secured Saul as his assistant (Acts 11:25-26). They took famine relief to the Jerusalem church (Acts 11:27-30). On Paul’s first missionary journey, Barnabas at first seems to have been the leader (Acts 13-14). Paul and Barnabas were later sent to Jerusalem to try to settle the questions of how Gentiles could be saved and how Jewish Christians could have fellowship with them (Acts 15:1-21). They agreed to go on another missionary journey but separated over whether to take John Mark with them again (Acts 15:36-41).

In Galatians 2:1-10, Paul recalled how he went with Barnabas to Jerusalem and how the apostles approved of their Gentile mission (probably the same event as Acts 15). In Galatians 2:13, however, Paul indicated that on one occasion Barnabas wavered on the issue of full acceptance of Gentile Christians. In 1 Corinthians 9:6-7, Paul commended Barnabas for following his practice of supporting himself rather than depending upon the churches. Colossians 4:10 simply states that Mark was Barnabas’ cousin.

Related to mentoring, think about it, every person needs encouragement, and who better to give that encouragement than a follower of Jesus? The life of Barnabas was one of service to others, encouraging others, investing of himself into others. This model sets the example for others, puts in a good word for Jesus and brings others into a community of faith. Every Christian mentor needs a Barnabas to receive encouragement.

Timothy:

Another model of mentoring is taken from the life of Paul and Timothy. Timothy was the young man who grew up in a faithful and devout home (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15). Paul invests much of his life into Timothy, and refers to him as a child in the faith (1 Corinthians 4:17, 1 Timothy 1:2, 2 Timothy 1:2). Perhaps Paul was instrumental in Timothy’s conversion, when he came to Lystra on the second missionary journey. Timothy was a disciple who was well respected (Acts 16:1-2). Paul also sent Timothy on several missions (Acts 17:14-15, 18:5, 19:22, 20:4, Romans 16:21, 1 Corinthians 16:10, 2 Corinthians. 1:19, 1 Thessalonians 3:2, 6).

When Paul was unable to go to Corinth, he sent Timothy to represent Paul and his teachings (1 Corinthians 4:17). Later when Paul was in prison, he sent Timothy to Philippi (Philippians. 2:19). Timothy was a man of commitment and compassion (Philippians 2:20-22) and as Paul’s ministry neared the end, he challenged Timothy to remain true to his calling (1 Timothy 1:18).

As Paul faced death, he asked Timothy to come to be with him (2 Timothy 4:9). At some point in his life, Timothy was imprisoned; but he was released (Hebrews 13:23). Paul wrote letters to Timothy because he is unable to visit in person (1 Timothy 3:14-15). The point is that Paul took this young disciple and challenged him to be all he could be for the kingdom of God. How can we multiply our efforts to reach the world? Every Christian mentor needs a Timothy to guide as a protégé.

Epaphroditus:

This is a not-so-well-known character in the New Testament. He was a friend and fellow worker of Paul (Philippians 2:25-26). He had delivered to Paul a gift from the church at Philippi while the apostle was in prison. While he was with Paul, Epaphroditus became seriously ill. After his recovery, Paul sent him back to Philippi, urging the church there to receive him “with all gladness” (Philippians 2:29-30). I read that the name Epaphroditus was common in the first century Greek-speaking world, meaning “favored by Aphrodite.”

In regard to mentoring, all of us need to make difficult decisions and struggle with life issues, but having someone upon whom you may trust and depend is quite valuable. Having an Epaphroditus in your life (at work, leisure or worship) allows your heart to be knit together with others in the bond of Christ. It is a true statement that the mentor receives as much personal benefit from the mentoring relationship as does the protégé. For the protégé, personal satisfaction and professional development are natural outcomes of fulfilling one’s potential. For the mentor, he receives significant satisfaction from having assisted another person on a long-term permanent basis.

The Ephaphroditus relationship cannot be forced, but should come natural. Sometimes members want the staff to teach, or mentor or reach people they know; after all, they’re “professional” ministers. But in many ways it is not good for the staff to do it. For one, it’s not biblical. The staff is called to equip the saints for the work of service (Ephesians 4:11-12). On a practical level, the average member in the pew has already built the relationship of trust with those who need to be mentored or reached. It makes more sense for a pastor to say, “I am able to see your friend once a week, but you see him every day for lunch. Wouldn’t it make a better strategy for me to train you so that you could mentor your friend or lead him to Christ?” So, every Christian mentor needs an Epaphroditus to enjoy on a peer level.

Three models, with a recurring theme: relationships. We are to encourage others, and seek one who is an encouragement to us; find a protégé into whom you can pour your life and invest in the future; and have a peer relationship whereby your hearts are knit together in Christ.

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