Category: Family

How to Spot Overload in Your Life

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In America, we are way too busy… work, school, after school classes, scouts, baseball, cheerleading, swim practice, ballet, piano lessons, and the list goes on. We tend to over stimulate our kids and wonder why a peaceful evening at home with the family never happens.

I found this in a recent HomeLife magazine: Since faith moves us toward action, basically to love like Christ, we volunteer in church, the community and other charitable organizations. But we often find ourselves taking on too much. We fear that saying no will lead to guilt and obligation. But there are times that we need to take time out.

  1. When we are spending less time with the Father – the nature of relationships is that we spend time with those most important to us. Concerning God, how much time do we give to Him in Bible study, prayer, reflection, worship? If you’re crowding out that time, you’re too busy.
  2. When you’re neglecting your family and loved ones – it seems counter-productive, but it is possible to allow your work and service activities to take you away from those closest to you, which is not a place you want to be.
  3. When you’re physically, mentally and emotionally drained – realistically, how much good are you to others if you are exhausted? Not much. Remember that we are designed for rest and downtime, remember the 4th commandment? It’s not a bad thing, it’s a must.
  4. When your joy is gone – if you find yourself feeling no joy and satisfaction in the works of your faith or your daily life, you may be suffering from overload.

Dr. Richard Swenson, M.D. wrote a neat little book called, The Overload Syndrome, where he challenges readers to live within their limits. Chapter four hits this “activity and commitment” issue right on the head. Here’s the doctor’s Rx:

  1. Reestablish control on your life and schedule – be active and intentional in this correction, avoiding self-pity.
  2. Prioritize activities and commitments – start with priorities from God’s Word, look through God’s eyes and then act on what is seen, seek first His kingdom and the rest will follow, and remember that people are always more important than things.
  3. Practice saying NO to good things – it’s easy to say no to bad things, but the goal is control on your life. But it is never an excuse for laziness or non-involvement.
  4. Consider doing less, not more – make sure to do the right things, not just more things.
  5. Periodically prune your activities.
  6. Limit your long-term commitments.
  7. Work to establish and maintain balance.
  8. Guard the dinner hour.
  9. Restore the practice of Sabbath rest.

Not a bad prescription to bring the margin and balance back into your life.

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Balance and/or Priorities in Life

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I trust the week has gone well for you all. Our list of men has increased by five this week. Remember that the topics are not sequential, so coming back after missing a Saturday is quite easy, no catching up!

Last Saturday I was challenged to find something on “balance.” Generally this could mean balancing all the demands we have as men…family, work, play, sports, hobbies, you name it. One thing is for sure, when it comes to balance, setting priorities is the way to go! Ever notice that we will DO the stuff that is important to us. We make time, don’t we? We must remember the difference between the urgent and the important. How can you tell the difference?

Check out this teaching video, about 30 minutes or so, from Pat Morley, the author of the Man in the Mirror book. The video Bible study is on priorities, likely the root cause of our need for balance. Then think about these questions:

  1. How do your dreams and hopes for your children reflect your priorities? Do they reveal weak spots or blind spots?
  2. Read Matthew 22:36-38 and think about the significance of this command on the way we prioritize our time and money.
  3. Read John 14:15, 21, 23 and think about the relationship between obedience and loving God. What is something that you have done for God even though it was unpleasant?
  4. Name an area in your relationship with God that you are not doing all you should. What are you willing to do to improve?
  5. Read John 15:12-14 and think about who you are willing to die for.
  6. Read Genesis 2:15 and think about ways your vocation might contribute to God’s agenda.
  7. What good work might God be calling you to do?
  8. Is rest a priority with you, or do you feel guilty when you are relaxing? What is the Jesus position on relaxing (Matthew 11:28-30)?
  9. Think about how the world competes with biblical priorities. Any examples in your life?

Remember this is not homework! But try to view the priorities video and think about some of these questions. I have a conference all day on Saturday but will be at the KGBC pavilion 7:30-8:30, and then will have to take off!

Proverbs 27 for the Common Man

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As you heard, the 12 of us came to the pavilion that day with various expectations and needs. The group may not be exactly what every man is seeking, but perhaps we will address concerns that affect us all.

The format for Men of Steel at this point is developing, but I am convinced that we should not start a Bible study series that will cause men to think they will get behind if they miss a Saturday. Perhaps we should explore a new topic each Saturday, announced ahead of time (like by e-mail) so we can gather with a similar idea of what to expect. Maybe even prepare to contribute to the discussion. We can then come to the devotional time with ideas about a Scripture. Remember, this is not a requirement like homework!

So, at the pavilion on Saturday October 11, how about really diving in to Proverbs 27? Consider this as you read the chapter this week:

  1. God is the One who controls the future – Proverbs 27:1
  2. Jealousy destroys human relationships – Proverbs 27:4
  3. God wants us to trust friends and correct one another – Proverbs 27:5-6
  4. We need a sense of “home” and a “people” who can give support and counsel – Proverbs 27:7-10
  5. The danger of listening to the wrong people – Proverbs 27:10
  6. The foolishness of conceit – Proverbs 27:5, 12, 16
  7. We need to learn from friends – Proverbs 27:17
  8. God knows us because He knows our hearts – Proverbs 27:19

Ask yourself:

  1. How does our relationship with God affect our relationships with family and friends? (Proverbs 27:2, 4-6, 8-11, 14-17)
  2. How does your relationship with God affect foolish people? (Proverbs 27:3, 12, 15-16, 20, 22)
  3. How does your relationship with God affect your business dealings or planning for the future? (Proverbs 27:18, 23-27)

From John Maxwell, regarding leadership and relationships:

  1. Don’t brag (Proverbs 27:1-2) – leaders understand how little they get from self-promotion.
  2. Don’t envy (Proverbs 27:4) – leaders sabotage themselves if their motive is to keep up with others.
  3. Be up-front (Proverbs 27:5-6) – leaders don’t fear confrontation, but speak the truth in love.
  4. Don’t forsake your roots (Proverbs 27:8) – leaders understand the power of heritage.
  5. Stay close (Proverbs 27:9-10) – leaders work at maintaining relationships and meeting needs.
  6. Add value (Proverbs 27:17) – leaders sharpen those with whom they come in contact.
  7. Don’t be moved by flattery or praise (Proverbs 27:21) – stay humble or you’ll stumble.

Hope to see you on Saturday!

Seven Ways to Help Your Teen in School

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Today I read an article by Will Snipes that I wanted to pass along:

 

The middle school and high school years represent some of the most challenging years for a teen. Not only are academics in play, but all the other areas of teen development. These seven tips can help you stay connected to your teen both academically and socially.  

  1. Spend intentional time together. This could be as simple as turning off the radio in favor of some conversation in the car or making sure family meals still happen. Either way, try to ask questions without prying. Creating intentional moments to connect will pay off in truly understanding your teen.
  2. Check assignments. Although middle school creates a growing sense of independence, students still need accountability. Look through notebooks and ask questions about directions and due dates. Do your homework by signing papers and returning parental correspondence on time.
  3. Encourage organization. Teens juggle multiple classes, assignments, and a multitude of paperwork. If you have a disorganized teen, help them get organized by purchasing an organization system to fit his needs. Help them learn which papers need to be saved and which can be discarded. 
  4. Know your teen’s friends. Transition years bring new friends into the mix. Take the time to get to know these new friends and their families. Invite them over and always make your home a place where kids can feel comfortable hanging out. Look for opportunities to minister to new friends and new families.
  5. Get involved at school. There is a big drop-off in parent involvement from elementary school to middle school and especially at the high school level. Suddenly, it’s no longer quite so “cool” to have your mom or dad around. At the same time, parents need to be a visible presence, so find a way to volunteer. Get to know your teen’s teachers. Let them know that you want to be informed and involved.
  6. Increase responsibility. Teens are certainly busy with school and extra-curricular activities, but they need to also help out at home. By giving your teen responsibilities at home, you will help grow a stronger sense of independence. Give your teen some options and then stress “working together toward a goal as a family” when it comes to completing duties or tasks.
  7. Promote student involvement. Encourage your teen to stay involved in church activities and to try to get involved with a sport or hobby. Help them find a healthy place to connect with peers and adults who can push them in the right direction.  

–Will Snipes spends his summer speaking at various youth camps and events. He then returns each fall to his full-time job as a middle school teacher and coach in Traveler’s Rest, South Carolina.

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Marriage Glue: Ways to Stick Together

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There is a lot of good stuff in the August HomeLife magazine, especially on nurturing our marriages.

 

·     Keep dreaming together: When you share your hopes and dreams with your spouse, and when you dream about your future together, you are solidifying your commitment to each other.

·     Express your commitment in words: Write out your covenant to each other, frame it, and display it in a place where each of you will see it often.

·     Learn new things about your spouse: You are both works in progress, and God will continue to refine you. Continually study your spouse and learn about his or her interests, feelings and gifts.

·     Pray with and for your spouse: The Bible tells us that a cord of three strands in not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). When you are both focused on God and each other, your marriage will be strong enough to face the storms of life.   

 

“Genuine love is honor put into action regardless of the cost.” – Gary Smalley, Love is a Decision.

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Ten Ways to Seal Your Marriage

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Marriage is a pretty important institution, ordained and blessed by God in the very beginning. But life is hard and many marriages and families fall apart. How can the church address the issue of making stronger families? By making stronger marriages! With the movie recent release of Fireproof, I thought that we all could use a little encouragement on developing our marriages! 

 

1.  Make Christ the center of your lives (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

2.  Remain sexually and emotionally faithful (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

3.  Keep no secrets from your spouse (1 Corinthians 13:6)

4.  Love and respect your spouse (Ephesians 5:33)

5.  Pray for your marriage (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

6.  Be kind and forgive (Ephesians 4:32)

7.  Follow God’s instructions for money management (1 Timothy 6:10)

8.  Don’t go to bed angry (Ephesians 4:26-27)

9.  Honor each other’s parents (Exodus 20:12)

10.  Always strive to make your marriage better (Philippians 3:12)  

 

All sound biblical guidance, right? But will we commit to it. How can we make our marriages better… starting this week? Have you taken the Love Dare? This list was taken from HomeLife magazine.

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Sarah Palin and Women in Leadership

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Texas pastor Voddie Baucham participated in a CNN interview with Margaret Feinberg. Is he serious about female leadership in the community? Notice, it’s not just spiritual leadership within the church, but for a woman to be in leadership at all.

So, the woman’s place is in the home (Titus 2:4-5)? And one could assume a woman should keep her head covered, at least keep her hair long (1 Corinthians 11:6) but not braided, nor should she adorn herself with gold or pearls (1 Timothy 2:9)! Do the women of his congregation take the Bible that literally? For fear of sounding liberal, I have a problem with his interpretation. 

For one, if Sarah Palin is going to lead spiritually, Voddie Baucham might have a point, but since she has the potential to lead politically, I don’t get it.

Secondly, if women can’t lead in the church based solely upon their gender, those who agree with that position must logically take women out of all leadership positions, like even with children and youth. If women are not to have authority over “a man” (singular in 1 Timothy 2:12, like a husband, not necessarily over the community at large) support for male-only senior pastors might be legitimate. If they are not to have authority over a man because Eve was deceived first (like women may be more prone to heresy) why would we allow women to be in charge of our smallest and most vulnerable community members who can’t discern truth from error?

Third, it seems to me that Rev. Baucham should not have women in any leadership positions in his church. I’m thinking that is not the case. I would argue that his position applied politically might mean we remove women from most any community leadership… military, police, judges, the PTA, high school teachers, college professors. I tend to see God gifting all of His children with abilities to be used in His service. Heaven forbid that women would use the excuse of gender for not “stepping out of the boat” to do what they sense God calling them to do.

I cannot tell my daughter that although God has given her certain gifts of leadership and a passion to make a difference in the world, but she cannot do certain tasks because she did not get the right private parts.

The Real Cause of Global Warming?

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Amazing information from the scientific community in the UK… this is from an article in the Chicago Tribune, which informs us that having kids promotes global climate change!

Family planning as a means to reduce climate change has been little talked about in international climate forums, largely because it is so politically sensitive. China’s leaders, however, regularly argue that their country should get emission reduction credits because of their one-child policy, and many environmentalists—and even a growing number of religious and ethics scholars—say the biblical command to “be fruitful and multiply” needs to be balanced against Scripture calling for stewardship of the Earth.

Who knew the only commandment that mankind has never broken would be the cause of so much catastrophe? — Genesis 1:28

In a nation where Texas’ 23 million people account for more greenhouse gas emissions than all 720 million Sub-Saharan Africans, even small rates of U.S. population growth may have a disproportionate impact on global warming, said the UN’s Haug.

So it’s not just having kids, but having American kids!

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Lowering the Legal Drinking Age?

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Have you heard this argument regarding under-age drinking? “The law only makes youth want to drink because it’s a ‘forbidden fruit.’ If drinking alcohol was legal at 18, it wouldn’t be a big deal and those under 21 would be less likely to drink.”

Consider this response: When the “forbidden fruit” is no longer forbidden, youth simply drink more. According to www.why21.org:

In states where the drinking age was 18, those under 21 drank more than youth in states where the minimum drinking age was 21 and they continued to drink more as adults in their early 20s. In states where the drinking age was 21, teenagers drank less than youth in states where the minimum drinking age was 21 and continued to drink less through their early 20s.

But drinking more is not the only issue. Because alcohol impairs decision-making capabilities, young people who drink are more likely to engage in risk-taking behavior. And this risky behavior can lead to unintentional deaths and injuries associated with driving or engaging in other activities that lead to homicide and violence, suicide attempts, sexual assault, risky sexual behavior, and vandalism and property damage.

Drinking at earlier ages is also associated with higher rates of drinking later in life. In fact, 40 percent of those who started drinking before 15 meet criteria for alcohol dependence at some time in their lives.

More info may be found at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

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What is a Christian?

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I read a Homelife Magazine article this week by and about Tullian Tchivijian (Billy Graham’s prodigal grandson who admits defeat) called a magnificent defeat at the hand of God. He discusses that as a teenager he rebelled against all he knew to be right and was sucked into sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll… now jump to the present, he is currently founding pastor of New City Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. 

 

As I read, my first question was… “What?” Did this guy know who his grandfather was? Did this not influence him at all? Billy Graham was/is God’s ambassador to sitting presidents, heads of state as well as the common people all over the world, who preached the message of the resurrection to more people than the apostle Paul could ever had hoped for. Yes, he knew; and that’s why his life went awry.  

 

A great quote from the article: 

 

“The problem between knowing about God and knowing God is as massive as the Grand Canyon. That distance, that separateness, is something that must be resolved.” 

 

That’s why his life was bankrupt. Now back to my original question, “What is a Christian?” We have all heard various definitions: 

o    One who believes in the resurrection of Christ

o    One who trusts in Christ for his salvation

o    One who believes a certain set of propositional truth

o    One who participates in an organized church

o    One who follows the teachings of Jesus or the Bible

o    One who tries to live by the Ten Commandments

o    The list goes on…

 

Another amazing quote from the article: 

 

When my kids ask me, “Dad, what’s a Christian?” I always answer, “A Christian is one who can say, ‘As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, 0 God. My soul thirsts for God”‘ (Ps. 42:1-2). A Christian is someone who hungers for God more than anything else; more than health, wealth, status, good looks, or a spouse. Make no mistake: What we love is a surer test of who we are than what we say. Actions are much easier to fabricate than affections. 

 

That’s the point of HeartQuest 101, to love God more than anything else; to find that pearl of great price and risk everything to get it; to risk getting out of our comfort zones; to step out of our boats of mediocrity and experience water-walking with Jesus (a story from Matthew 14).  

 

This lifelong journey is a quest of the heart, to actively search for God in order to bring a sense of meaning and purpose to this life, then to bring honor and glory to our Creator and Sustainer of this world. So, how does your life reveal the love of your life? If we claim Christ has that number one spot, how does life lived out back up our affections?