Take a look at 2 Timothy 2:24. Basically we are refrain from quarreling, and be kind to people. Sometimes it’s hard to do that! But in reality, who said the Christian life was easy? What about living this out in your marriage?
Quarreling in a marriage can become a problem; I’m not just talking about disagreements. I recently read this observation and illustration:
“Women look at the world through pink sunglasses, while men look at that same world through blue sunglasses—and, believe me, they do not necessarily see the same thing!
“My favorite illustration of this is when a wife says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ she means she has nothing new to wear. When her husband says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ he means he has nothing clean to wear. Each uses the same words but means something different based on pink and blue views!” —Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Cracking the Communication Code.
Avoid a Bad Connection
Breakdowns in communication between men and women are not exactly rare. Imagine this, a husband leaving the house may yell in his wife, “Honey, I’m going out to buy a hammer.” Harmless, right? Well, it depends. If it comes after a week of late nights at the office and compounding emotional separation, the wife may actually hear, “Hey, what’s-your-face, I’d rather roam the hardware store instead of be with you.”
Conversely, a well-meaning wife may offer her time to spruce up the yard, but the husband hears her words as a backhanded attack on his ability to get things done.
Communication between the genders can be complex. Men and women process life differently, and our understanding of the conversation or action will often differ dramatically. Most of this meaning-seeking is harmless, but if there are any lingering grudges based on real or imagined prior offenses, the next conversation can go in the wrong direction in a hurry.
Strive to Live in Harmony
In 1 Peter 3:8-9, Peter encourages husbands and wives to “be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing.” What great advice! Rather than simply fly off the handle at anything that even sounds like it might be the least bit critical, we husbands need to exercise self-control and seek to listen and understand before anything else.
Overreacting often leads to marital conflict.
[print_link]
Great post. I recall reading Deborah Tannen’s work and becoming really enlightened about the gender differences in communication. The Mars and Venus book is “interesting” too. The problem I have is in remembering these differences when I get annoyed.