Every person must plead guilty to some violation of God’s ideal for communicating. Without thinking, we attempt to meet inner needs by speaking and responding in ways that intimidate or destroy. The following words and ways are verbal and nonverbal negative communication habits that serve only to wound and wrong others.
“A wise man’s heart guides his mouth” (Proverbs 16:23).
Degrading Words: Thoughtless, insensitive, teasing, wisecracking, critical, coarse, tactless, indelicate expressions, inappropriate words.
Examples: “Surely you don’t believe that” or “He is very sensual and sexy.” For a biblical example, “Reckless words pierce like a sword.” (Proverbs 12:18)
Demanding Words: Ordering, threatening, arguing, cursing, accusing, probing, angry words.
Examples: “You’d better do this now…” or “Why were you so late? Where were you?” For a biblical example: “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming.” (Proverbs 27:4)
Demeaning Words: Moralizing, preaching, lecturing, judging, criticizing, disapproving, condemning words.
Examples: “You never consider my feelings” or “You should do better than that.” For a biblical example: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21)
Destructive Words: Gossiping, repeating rumors or confidences, discrediting, belittling, blaming others, slandering words.
Examples: “She never arrives at work on time” or “Be sure not to repeat this but…” For a biblical example: “With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor.” (Proverbs 11:9)
Deceitful Words: Lying, false statements, exaggerating, bragging, boasting, flattering, insincere, untruthful words.
Examples: “I never really get angry at anyone” or “My goal is to benefit others in any way I can.” For a biblical example: “A deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4)
“Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse” (Proverbs 2:12).
This series is largely based on my reading of Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Communication: The Heart of the Matter. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart