There is a great debate on roles within a marriage. The issue probably causes more conflict than anything else since people will often enter marriage with differing expectations. Those more conservative tend to focus on the leadership of the husband and father and the submission of the wife; those more egalitarian see the marriage as a partnership with no one person being the head or the leader. A partnership is a great way to go (Philippians 2:3-4, Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:25, 28, 31, 33), the two becoming one. I heard an old preacher once say that “anything with no head is dead and anything with two heads is a freak.” So without getting into that debate, (although I probably opened myself up for one) I have discovered that leadership is often misunderstood.
If a wife and mother says to her husband, “I wish you would take on more of a role of spiritual leader in our home,” I can guarantee she is not saying that she desires for him to be the boss over her, make decisions for the family, or tell her what she can do or where she can go, what to believe, what to cook, how to dress, how to raise the children, or how often she needs to make time for him. If a husband really leads and loves his wife as Christ loved the church, there is no way to lead with such abuse, bossiness or selfishness.
Look at the context of her statement. How many wives attend church alone and bring the children into God’s house without her husband? Or maybe when he comes, he’s thinking more about the game this afternoon than about how the truths he is hearing can change his life, his marriage and his kids? I suspect that what she desires is that her husband lead spiritually by taking the initiative to pray together, to go to church together, to demonstrate the love of God in the home and set the pace for her and the children.
I’m haunted by the lyrics of this Sanctus Real song and thought you all might allow God to speak to you through these lyrics. If you want to hear the song, [ Click Here ]
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying…
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying…
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone
Father, lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone.
Men, that last section is addressed to the Father. Read it again, we cannot do this alone. Don’t leave you wife and kids hungry for love. Don’t let them stand alone because people stumble and fall when they are alone. Remind your wife that she is the love of your life. Tell your kids just how important they are to you. Make time for the important things in life.
[print_link] [email_link]