According to John Maxwell, these are the benefits of listening to others:
- Listening shows respect: It’s a mistake to try to impress others, trying to appear smart, witty or entertaining to the other person. If you want to impress others, focus on what they have to offer! Be impressed and interested rather than impressive and interesting.
- Listening builds relationships: Dale Carnegie wrote that you can make more friends in two weeks by listening to people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you (in How to Win Friends and Influence People). David Schwartz, in the Magic of Thinking Big, wrote that big people monopolize the listening while small people monopolize the talking.
- Listening increases knowledge: It’s amazing how much you can learn by listening to others. Beware of thinking you have all the answers and being the expert. Continue growing and learning. None of us has arrived. Many people in authority begin to listen less and less.
- Listening generates ideas: people love to contribute to the process, and have their leaders share the credit for ideas. Even if an idea doesn’t work, it might encourage other brainstorming ideas that will work.
- Listening builds loyalty: if you don’t make it a practice to listen to people, they will find someone else who will: employees, spouses, children, friends, colleagues. Good listening will draw people toward you.
How to develop good listening habits:
- Look at the speaker: you know how it works, undivided attention; don’t shuffle papers, type on the computer, watch TV, do the dishes, focus on the person.
- Don’t interrupt: interruption shows disrespect. People generally interrupt because, 1) they don’t place value on what the other person has to say, 2) they want to impress others by showing how smart they are, or 3) they are too excited about the conversation to allow the other person to finish talking. Check your motives.
- Focus on understanding: universities have studied information retention and we tend to forget 50% of what we hear, and retain only 25% the next day. Increase in understanding helps retention. It’s more than just hearing the words.
- Determine the need at the moment: men want to fix things, so the need at the moment is resolution. Women tend to want to share information and discuss things.
- Check your emotions: don’t make the unsuspecting person a recipient of your unvented emotions.
- Suspend your judgment: you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. Wait to hear the whole story.
- Sum up at major intervals: comment on what you hear by summing up what you have heard. If you truly understand the situation, the person will let you know. If you don’t understand, this allows opportunity to get it right. Summarize one idea before going on to the next.
- Ask questions for clarity: top reporters are great at asking questions to get to the bottom of the story. They focus on understanding, suspend judgment and sum up what the person has to say.
- Make listening your priority: no matter how busy you are, this practice of listening is essential.
Good suggestions for effective leadership at home and the office!
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