Seems there are Ten Commandments for most any organization, which obviously started in the Old Testament, but I found these two lists of the top 10 relating to mentoring. The first is a classic list of “do’s” and “don’ts” for effective mentoring, written by John C Crosby of the Uncommon Individual Foundation.
- Thou shalt not play God.
- Thou shalt not play teacher.
- Thou shalt not play mother or father.
- Thou shalt not lie with your body.
- Active listening is the holy time and shalt practice it at every session.
- Thou shalt not be judgmental.
- Thou shalt not lose heart because of repeated disappointments.
- Thou shalt practice empathy, not sympathy.
- Thou shalt not believe that thou can move mountains.
- Thou shalt not envy thy neighbor’s protégé, nor they neighbor’s success.
This second list of questions is designed to evaluate the mentoring relationship, written by Paul Stanley and J. Robert Clinton from Christianity Today. Ask the question and rate yourself with: Fully, Partially, or Didn’t.
- Establish a strong relationship. The stronger the relationship, the greater the empowerment. As you look for potential protégés, keep compatibility and chemistry in mind.
- Agree on purpose. A basic rule in planning is “begin with the end in mind.” When mentoring proves disappointing, the problem usually points back to differing or unfulfilled expectations. So at the very beginning, agree on what you’re both hoping to achieve.
- Determine contact frequency. Intensive mentoring works best with at least once-a-week contact, either face-to-face or by phone.
- Decide on the type of accountability. Will you use written reports, scheduled phone calls, probing questions during meetings, or a planned evaluation time?
- Set up communication mechanisms. As mentors, we have always asked our protégés, “If I see or learn of an area of concern, how and when do you want me to communicate it to you?”
- Clarify the confidentiality level. Make it clear when something you share should be treated as confidential.
- Set the relationship’s life cycle. It’s best to avoid open-ended mentorships. Better to have short periods, evaluation, and closure points with the possibility of reentry than have a sour relationship for a long time that each fears terminating.
- Evaluate regularly. See where progress has been made, where there are problems, and what should be done to improve the mentoring. Joint evaluation is always best
- Modify expectations as necessary. After a time of mentoring, bring expectations down to what is more likely going to happen—and give thanks for it.
- Bring closure at the right time. Vertical mentoring that has no clear end in mind will usually dwindle to nothing with uneasy feelings on the part of both people. A happy ending requires that both parties be involved in evaluating and mutually ending the mentoring relationship.
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